I Don’t Need A Man To Stand Up For Me

Summary

The author asserts her independence and strength as a woman, emphasizing her ability to stand up for herself without needing a man's intervention, while also expressing a desire for her husband's support in refuting false accusations.

Abstract

The article discusses the author's personal experience with standing up for herself in the face of manipulation and falsehoods spread by her husband's former mother-in-law. Despite not receiving the support she expected from her husband, she maintained her integrity and strength, drawing from the values instilled by her own mother. The author reflects on the incident at the Oscars involving Will Smith as a catalyst for her introspection about the need for a partner's support during confrontations, advocating for a less aggressive approach to conflict resolution.

Opinions

The author values self-reliance and the ability to defend oneself in difficult situations.
She believes that a partner should support their significant other by standing up for the truth, even if it means disagreeing with family.
The author does not condone violence as a means of standing up for someone, suggesting that a quiet conversation could be sufficient.
She feels that her husband's silence in the face of lies about her was a form of betrayal.
The author's experience has led her to appreciate the importance of being raised to be strong and resilient.

But I will tell you what I do need.

I have no interest in getting on the Will Smith bandwagon, as interesting as all the buzz about it has been. It did cause me to analyze what I thought about it regarding my own needs as a wife or a woman.

When I first married my husband, he was a widower. His first wife had died from cancer. They have two grown children with several grandchildren between them. To be expected, there were holidays spent on Jim’s side of the family, as well as mine.

One of his family members was his former wife’s mother.

It didn’t take me long to realize that she was the all-controlling matriarch of this family.

However, she soon found out that she couldn’t manipulate me like she did everyone else.

My mother may have had her faults, but she raised me to be strong, and to be able to survive anything that life flung my way.

At no point was I ever rude to “Granny”, but I also didn’t concede to things I didn’t agree with, and she didn’t like it one bit.

She began to plant seeds of hatred towards me into her grandchildren. Up to this point, they had no problem with me marrying their dad. Suddenly there were ill feelings, and I could feel the tension whenever I was in the room with them.

So, did I need my husband to take control and stand up for me like Will Smith?

NO!

I stood up for myself. What I did need from him, I did not get.

I would have liked him to stand up for me in the sense that he should have openly disagreed with the lies that were told about me. He could have stood up for me as I stood up for myself. He could have told them that these were lies from Granny.

But he was silent. He never said a word. He never disagreed with what was said. He never defended the truth about me. He let his kids believe the lies about me.

I don’t condone the violence that was portrayed on our TV screens that night at the Oscars. Things don’t have to go to this extreme.

A quiet conversation could have been enough, in either of these cases.

Key Message: As a woman or a wife, I am fine to stand up for myself.

And when I do, please stand with me.

PLEASE READ MY FOLLOW-UP STORY ON THIS ONE:

I Don’t Need A Man To Stand Up For Me

But I will tell you what I do need.

Spontaneous Regrets

I like what I said, just not how I said it.

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