Summary

The article discusses the intersection of misogyny and racism, particularly how societal beauty standards and patriarchal ideas devalue Black women, as exemplified by an anonymous commenter's remarks about not finding Black female artists attractive and therefore questioning their worth.

Abstract

The author addresses the pervasive issue of misogynoir by recounting a comment from an anonymous individual who claimed that their personal preferences in attractiveness dictate their respect for and consumption of music by Black female artists like Beyoncé, Lizzo, and Megan Thee Stallion. This comment was made in response to an article about the trivialization of Black women's pain, particularly in the context of Megan Thee Stallion's shooting. The author critiques the idea that physical appearance should influence one's respect for another person, highlighting the deep-seated racism and misogyny in such beliefs. The article emphasizes the need for intersectional feminism and the recognition of all women's value, regardless of their appeal to individual aesthetic preferences.

Opinions

The author argues that the commenter's preferences are influenced by societal and familial biases, which may be a form of perfumed racism.
The article suggests that the devaluation of Black women based on attractiveness is a played-out trope that lacks originality, especially coming from a person with a law degree.
It is pointed out that the commenter, revealed to be a Black man, may be exhibiting internalized racism and the effects of white supremacy on his psyche.
The author challenges the notion that someone's value is contingent upon their physical attractiveness, criticizing the shallow and abusive implications of such a stance.
The piece calls attention to the broader issue of violence against women, linking it to patriarchal societies where women are valued primarily for their ability to please men.
The author stresses the importance of supporting all women, advocating for an intersectional approach to feminism that considers the unique challenges faced by Black women, women of color, and other marginalized groups.

I Don’t Find Her Hot, So Why Should I Respect Her?

…and other foolish patriarchal ideas

Two weeks ago, I wrote about the trivialization of Black women’s pain, drawing on the shooting of Megan Thee Stallion to illustrate the issue.

As a result, an anonymous commenter found it wise to say that Beyoncé, Lizzo, and Megan were unattractive, and Taylor Swift indeed deserves to be treated better by the media, because (drum roll please) she’s prettier.

Yup.

He made it a point to mention his law degree to cement his authority. However, you don’t really need to pass the bar to come up with such tomfoolery. You just need to drink from the deep well of misogynoir (misogyny directed towards Black women).

Let’s get into his comment.

He typed, “I don’t hate Megan, or Lizzo, or Beyoncé. I just have preferences. If I can’t stand to look at you, chances are, I’m not going to pay $12 to download and listen to you or watch you strutting onstage at a show making my eyeballs bleed.”

Mind you, my article wasn’t about patronizing Megan Thee Stallion’s music (It wasn’t about Beyoncé or Lizzo, either). It was about the fact that the young rapper got shot, and the internet turned her pain into a meme.

But, alright, let’s talk about preferences. His preferences — as concerns attractiveness — render their music unlistenable. I guess in law school, they teach you that you listen to music with your eyes.

A few lines down, he wrote that Megan is repulsive and that her attitude is the new normal for Black women.

So, okay, he finds Black women repulsive.

I’ve heard that before. John Mayer, the musician who crooned the words “Fathers, be good to your daughters,” said his penis was a white supremacist.

The trope that Black women are ugly is extremely played out. Truly, I expected more ingenuity from a lawyer.

When I worked at the airport, a grey-haired White male customer walked up to me to say that I was the prettiest Black woman he’d seen in 20 years. “Really,” he added for emphasis, “the last time I saw a pretty Black woman was 20 years ago.”

What a compliment!

Our preferences do not exist in a vacuum.

Societal and familial influences impact our perception of different races — and, sometimes, our preferences are indeed perfumed racism. But, anyway, that isn’t the focus of this article. Date who you want to date. To those who think they can paint every single member of an ethnic group with the same brush — looks-wise — (as Beyoncé would say): “Y’all make me chuckle. Stay in your struggle.”

Black women have long been pegged as too masculine, too loud, and unattractive. So, it is isn’t a surprise when someone parrots what they’ve heard their entire life.

Did I mention that the anonymous comment came from a Black man?

It’s easy for me to ignore negative comments from White men (as I get a lot of them). But, I can’t help but pity a Black man who shows such disdain towards his own community. It shows me to what extent white supremacy can warp a human’s psyche. The man even said: “This notion that people have to endure people and things they simply don’t prefer or be labeled a racist is literally why we are where we are in 2020.” Calling out racism is 2020’s greatest problem. Got it.

I don’t care who anyone chooses to date. After all, my partner is White. But, that doesn’t prevent me from valuing Black men. To place a whole race of people on a pedestal and to relegate your own race to the status of filth points to a need for counseling. And no, being a counselor doesn’t mean you wouldn’t benefit from counseling. We all could!

I do not have a psychology degree, but let’s spend a bit more time in the shallow waters of this man’s mind. No life jacket required.

Why does finding someone unattractive mean they lose their value?

Yes, we judge people based on looks. Exhibit A: In Korea, where I lived on and off for six years, we had to attach a picture to our resume. And, according to some research, we even befriend people we find physically attractive.

As a species, we are wired to find babies cute — so we’d take care of them. Furthermore, researchers have shown that we show preferential treatment to cute(r) babies.

It starts young. Many years ago, I saw an experiment conducted on kindergartners on TV. They were presented with two teachers: One was conventionally attractive, and the other wasn’t deemed to be. Although both teachers treated the kids nicely, they unanimously agreed that the “prettier” teacher was nicer.

It happens. My kindergartners didn’t find me pretty, either. Black skin wasn’t their jam.

As adults, aren’t we supposed to be able to think critically about the way we respond to people, though? Like how can you say that you don’t listen to someone’s music because they’re ugly with a straight face?

But, more than that, why is her pain laughable because her skin is too dark to appeal to your palate?

In a patriarchal society, men devalue women. However, once straight cis-men are sexually attracted to you, your worth shoots up somewhat since they can get something out of you. You can please them.

And, what happens in a patriarchal society when a woman doesn’t fulfill her role of pleasing a man? I’ll answer that question like this: Violence against women is a problem worldwide.

Side note: Now, I am not saying that every single cis-man on the planet hates or abuses women. But, misogyny flavors most parts of the world. So, conscious unlearning must take place. In that way, patriarchy is similar to white supremacy.

The idea that straight men and straight or bi women can’t be friends is also a product of patriarchy.

What use could a straight man have for a woman besides sex (and ensuing babies)?

Since cis-men, under patriarchy, value women based on attractiveness (and thus their ability to grant them pleasure), it makes sense that painting Black women as unattractive (and wanton) would be one of the many tools of white supremacy. I never did understand how a group of people could be so unattractive yet so mimicked at the same time. Shrugs.

I do know this: When I hear about acts of violence, I don’t stop to think about whether the people on the receiving end are attractive. I simply care, because they’re human.

Behind his comment was the following loud and clear (I have a graduate degree in Translation — so, trust me): Please me or you’re unworthy of basic human consideration. Please me or you’re deserving of violence. Please me or my eyeballs will bleed.

That sounds pretty abusive to me.

Attorney Anonymous doesn’t respect women. Period. But, his hatred takes on a different color when it comes to Black women.

This is why feminism needs to be intersectional. We need to bear in mind the way misogyny affects Black women, women of color, old women, disabled women, trans women, queer women, and fat women (while recognizing that some women have multiple marginalized identities). We need to support all women — whether we find them hot or not.