I Do, Till Ego Do Us Part
When ego gets in the way of love and marriage
Love and marriage don’t always go together like horse and carriage.
What keeps one couple together but breaks apart another is a matter of perspective. No relationship guru or psychological pundit can truly predict what makes a couple click.
The stressors of modern-day life and inflated egos have made marital relationships complicated.
Is there a code to a successful marriage?
I’m not sure but here are 5 lessons I’ve learned from dwelling in this man-made institution for nearly 2 decades.
1. Your relationship is not a community project, don’t crowd-source it
At some point, even the best of us fall into this trap.
When you share your life woes, in intimate detail with multiple people. By doing that, you’re not seeking a solution, you’re just looking for attention. It’s important to realize the difference.
No matter how much you’re aching to air your deepest, darkest insecurities, your relationship should never become an open book for all to read.
Because anyone you share these private details with, hasn’t lived your life, hasn’t experienced your relationship's joys and sorrows, and can never truly empathize with your story.
Don’t crowd-source your pain, there’s nothing to gain.
2. No third person cannot fit in your shoe and say where it hurts
The most sensitive parts of your relationship story, when shared with a third person, risk turning into a real-time Netflix drama.
A tragic sitcom where you and your partner are the unwitting actors playing to a peanut-gallery audience. The audience's reactions and advice are based on their mood and availability.
A third-person’s counsel begins where their own personal experience ends.
When you feel the urge to share your innermost thoughts with a friend or family member, it’s best to clarify that you’re looking for a sympathetic ear, not their judgment. You seek compassion, not a sermon.
At the end of the day, a third person will never understand where you’re hurting the most. It’s not their story and inwardly most are grateful that it’s not happening to them.
It’s your monkey and your circus. Others are just spectators.
3. Choose wisdom over ego, always
“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.” — Bill Bullard
Every relationship goes through its fair share of tough decision-making phases. In stressful times, the best solution to every problem comes from using wisdom over your ego.
When the battle gets tough and the answers foggy, stop, and listen to that voice inside you. That’s your intuitive wisdom guiding you onto the right course of action.
While your ego may want you to win at all costs, wisdom wants the best for all.
Always choose Wisdom over your Ego- Edging Gratitude Out.
4. What’s broken can be fixed to emerge stronger
“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” — Unknown
Relationships are meant for the long haul, but in this Tinder/Bumble era, we’re quitting too soon.
Prematurely jumping from one relationship to the next and expecting a different result.
The karma theory says if you don’t correct what’s ailing your current relationship, you’re bound to carry the messy baggage into the next one. So, work on yourself and expiate your karma right where you are.
No matter how dark the night is, people and circumstances can change for the better. Keep the faith.
Eventually, every storm runs out of rain. Hang in there for the rainbow.
5. Your children are the torchbearers of your relationship decisions
“I think that enduring, committed love between a married couple, along with raising children, is the noblest act anyone can aspire to. It is not written about very much.” — Nicholas Sparks
Children bear the brunt of their parents’ poor decisions.
Unless you’re leaving a tormenting abusive relationship, the burden of a family breakup adversely impacts a child- regardless of their age.
Many parents realize this bitter truth after the fact. When it’s too late and the damage to the psyche of the child is too deep.
Parents are the role models for kids to ape. They witness the shortcomings in their parents more acutely than the adults but they simply can’t verbalize their feelings. Children suffer mentally and emotionally from a shattered family and no amount of amicable co-parenting fills the gap in their broken hearts.
Navigate your personal relationships with caution.
What you DO, becomes a blueprint for your children to follow when they grow up.
Marriage doesn’t come with a rulebook
Every couple has to define their own relationship trajectory. When the going gets tough and the relationship starts to slip, it is time to restart the journey with a fresh outlook. Don’t let your lesser self (ego) destroy the beautiful life you’ve created with your partner. A loving family takes constant nurturing, plenty of patience, and sincere prayer.
“A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.” — Andre Maurois
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