I Didn’t Write a Single Word on Medium For One Month

Here’s why I don’t feel bad about it

Here I am again, staring at the Medium story draft page. It feels like I am meeting with someone I used to know, after years of lost contact. It is a bit awkward, primarily because my judgmental self shames me for not being consistent and true to my calling.

“Is it really my calling, writing?”, I ask myself in desperate self-defense.

Maybe it is. Or perhaps not…

Either way, an absence from routine activities, whether intentional or otherwise, has its merits.

Here’s how taking time off writing helped me see clearly and stop being harsh with myself.

Life just happens

Last month was hectic, for lack of a better word. My job got quite demanding, full of calls, virtual meetings, and urgent requests that had to be addressed pronto. It was a rough month, and the fact that I was not able to have proper lunch for 5 days in a row was telling. Until that point, I had the luxury to enjoy a 30-minute lunch break in between. But not during those days.

At the same time, the COVID situation made things worse, as it does for all of us. Uncertainty, fear, a looming unknown: those all drained my energy and motivation to remain consistent and focused.

Maybe I needed a break from all this. Maybe it was time for me to sit down and do nothing, for a change.

So I did just that. Until I realized I sat enough, wasting time and ruining my mood in the process. Now I am trying to find my “normal” once again.

In my attempt to recover, I feel the need to remind myself that, sometimes, life just gets in the way. Straying from the path is very easy if distractions pull you in different directions, back, forth and sideways. The puppetmaster can be relentless, stripping away my (false) sense of control.

In the grand scheme of things, however, that is just fine. I accept that things don’t always go according to plan, and I move on. If I quit writing altogether, then I will know writing is not for me. I would accept it, with my head held high, and I would move on with something else. If I find solace in writing, I will make time for it, no matter the distractions life throws at me.

Either way, life happens, and it goes on regardless.

My batteries will eventually run out

I often take pride in my routine. I can stick to it for an extended period of time, day in and day out, doing the same — or similar — things over and over. I love my schedule.

What I have observed over the years, however, is that eventually that same routine will drain all my energy. I will reach my breaking point, after which I feel the need for a break.

It’s just how I operate.

Back in the day, I felt angry and confused with my inability to stick to my routine. I would victimize myself for not keeping my own promises, thinking I was weak, unmotivated and indifferent. Each failure would, yet again, trigger my self-defensive attitude, putting the blame on external factors and circumstances.

I now know that this exhaustion is part of the process. Instead of feeling the need to attack myself for not writing a new story that day, week or month, I can accept that it is alright to skip writing for a while.

I admit that this could be different, if my financial stability depended on my writing (which is not the case). Either way, I am conscious that my energy reserve will eventually be depleted, after which I will need to take some time off to recharge and restart.

Sure, I can work to enlarge the battery’s capacity, or to optimize the way the energy is drained. By observing my mood swings, lethargic tendencies and lack of motivation, I can tweak my behavior to better match the conditions I find myself in.

Regardless, knowing— and anticipating — that I will eventually run out of fuel helps me better prepare for those days where writing is not a priority (or part of my routine, in general), and still stick to it after I get some valuable time off.

And that’s just fine.

Accepting my flaws — and taking action

If you are a writer on Medium, you have most likely stumbled upon the golden rule every pro abides by:

Write something every single day

You have to be consistent to succeed as a Medium writer (or as a parent, a firefighter or a grocery store cashier, for that matter). Consistency is key.

Yet I violated this golden rule, not once, but around 30 times. I procrastinated, watched YouTube videos, had some salsa courses, and got overwhelmed with work and life.

True, I didn’t exactly stick to my guns, and didn’t follow through with my initial commitment to write as much as possible. I failed to keep my promises to myself. I should feel guilty and ashamed.

But I don’t.

Sure, I could be more diligent and less distracted by a temporary dopamine rush. I could block social media and unnecessary time-wasters entirely and get back to writing. But I chose to take my sweet time off, to identify my shortcomings, and to evaluate whether I want to do something about them.

In this case, I decided I wanted to get back on track, and this story is my first step after my stillness. I am aware of my flaws, and thankfully I also have the power to make them slightly more tolerable and manageable.

In short

Being a consistent, aspiring writer on Medium (or anything else, really) may feel onerous and frustrating, at times. You may need to take a break — short or long — from the process, either intently, or just because life gets in the way.

This break is, nonetheless, a useful way to identify your own shortcomings and limitations, and to hopefully do something about those, once identified. After some time off, you can always get back to writing with new insights and more motivation than before!

I hope you found this story useful! Here are some of my other stories:

Lessons learned after my DYI haircut during COVID:

Lessons from revisiting old chats with people I used to know:

Appreciating small things that make a big difference in life: