Reflections
I Choose to Love you, Even Though you Remain Silent, Again.
Reflections on my spiritual struggle
Each day he is beset with news of those who good fortune have smiled upon. When thus, will his be upon him? He wondered. He looked to the clouds, to the One he has always looked to — with the hope he is not abandoned.
Him who those of old has said; He never sleeps, nor does He slumber.
He too has read it. Maybe he too believed it. For how else would he had survived the voyage, if He, be not with him? He thought.
But the new land is nothing like home abandoned. Far from being a place where anything goes. To acclimatise to this new world, he must need to be permitted. Take him to court and bring him before the judge to plead his case, he doth not mind.
But as the day draw nigh, fear gripped him. His faith is shaken — that is, whatever is left. Hope slowly obscured. He had failed before. His first attempt was meant with heartbreak. Shall it be of the same fate once more? He wondered.
With fear, he drew closer to Him. Maybe He would be merciful. Maybe He would see his weakened heart and show compassion. Ye! Maybe He would even remember His first silence to his prayer and make amends this time.
But the boy is of a pure heart. The more he cried to Him, the more he felt guilty. Guilty that he only seek Him because of what he could get from Him. If He would not grant it, will he still love him? Will he still be faithful and call Him his friend?
These thoughts weakened him. He knew he loves Him not because of what He does for him. He just loves Him — unconditionally. And he wants Him to know it. Not to be fake and not to be a golddigger, he said; I choose to love you, even though you remain silent, again.
This piece, a reflection of my spiritual struggle, during the dark periods of my life, my faith was tested, while I was still expecting to get my papers and become documented, was inspired by Melanie J. and Spyder article titled “I choose”.
More by the Author
