Tales From the Heart

Days Gone by, Are far Less Than the Ones Still to Come

In response to the #Forgiveness tag

“Who was that on the phone? Weren't you trying to call Yetty? I was…

Then who was that? I don't know… some guy.

Wrong number maybe? No!

How do you know? Because Yetty was laughing in the background.

That is just so sick bro…”

I’ve had many occasions where I have had to forgive. Though many may struggle with forgiving others, I haven't. But to be fair, I usually do not have enough reason to seek to forgive. One reason is that I usually do not hold on to a grudge. But what I do is sulk. Sulk and linger on in the pity potty mud. Have you seen a puppy with seemingly watering eyes, staring at you? Well, that is how I was growing up. Hoping to be acknowledged by my offender. Something that most often didn’t come.

The moment for me where I had to face what it truly means to forgive or not to, however, we choose to let that narrative play out in our lives, came for me one week after my dad’s funeral.

The commissioner of police in my district had just phoned me and my uncle that the driver who knocked down my dad had been caught and arrested. He is a driver for a certain said company. The commissioner asked us to his office because, as he said, it was our call to make. And whatever we decide, is what will be done. As a Force family, the Force is behind us and will support us all the way.

My uncle turned to me and said; “you’re his first son — his next of kin. I think it's your decision to make. To let them go, or charge the case to court?”

My shoulders were too frail for such responsibility. When deciding where to bury him, you did not seek my opinion or consent. It was the elders of the family’s decision to make. And now, you put something like this on my laps?

I remembered my first thought — would it bring him back? Would it wipe the tears off mama’s face? Will it undo my siblings from being fatherless? Today as I look back, I may never be sure why I made that decision that day. But I remember the feelings from which I did. I just wanted to let go of everything for my family. What is done cannot be undone. No amount of money can undo it. Ye! No amount of money can equate to the life of the man that’s just been snuffed out.

“No!” I said. “Let them go. Nothing they do can undo what's already done. And I may be stupid enough to think right this moment that, that man never left his house and family that morning, intending to put an end to another family’s breadwinner.” But at this moment, nothing can change what is, already.

The commissioner looked at me, with glittering unrestrained pride in his eyes and said; “You may just be the next Jonah — your father”. “If ever you're interested in joining the military, I’ll be glad to help you in. Call me anytime.”

Have I made the right decision? Is there ever a time forgiveness is wrong?

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. — Lewis B. Smedes

I forgave that day because I sought freedom for myself and my family. I forgave that day because it felt easier to let go than to hold on. I forgave that day, because the value of what was taken, was greater than what recompense promised. I forgave because there is no other path to true peace in life than forgiveness.

Two years later, Yetty called me, apologising for ghosting me out of the blue. And worse even, the way she did it by giving a new found guy the phone to ward me off. Forgiving Yetty was easy. Because I have forgiven greater and worse wrong in my life.

If I have survived and lived at all in my life, it is not because I have never been offended or hurt, but because in spite of been betrayed, broken, hurt and cried even, I have chosen, again and again, to clean my eyes, dust myself and rise up again. Letting bygone be bygone. Looking into the future with hope and enthusiasm, because as my mama always say;

“Days wen neva break, nai many pass the ones wen don break.” “Days gone by, are far less than the ones still to come.”

This was written in response to the tag by Melanie J. (You had your fingers crossed, so here you go.) I am grateful for the tag, as it helped me reflect and looked into my life to realise how much forgiveness has helped me on my journey. To pass the opportunity, I’ll be tagging the following people: 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊., Chinyere Okoh, Dean K Miller, Spyder and Amy Pierovich.

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