Finding is Reserved for the Seekers

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change for his bad drinking habit for the sole purpose of making my home, his marriage a blissful place. A noble desire of course. With constant preaching of his desire to change, it got to a point where it began to feel like, he was just saying it. We knew nothing was gonna happen. There was no effort on his part. Nothing to suggest he was really going to stop drinking.</p><p id="f119">If you really want to do something, I am sure it requires fewer speeches. Whatever we commit to in conversation, expectations shows up in behaviour. The scripture teaches that we should be wise to judge a fruit by the tree it bears. No! I got that backwards! It said to judge a tree by the fruits it bears — not the fruits it wants, or the fruits it talks about.</p><p id="7d16">Going into relationships, this has been the one thing that has served me well. I would not waste my time being swept away by sweet words. Usually, people’s words do not fit their actions — just like my dad. In a close self-study, even I have been a victim of this. During a pumped up moment of motivation and inspiration, after declaring my intentions, I go home and gradually slid back into old habits and lifestyle.</p><p id="224f">It is not that the desire is missing, but the will to execute (which is the key to life change) — is lacking. The same reason why many continue on a path of mediocrity and unhappiness. They know they are able if only they can commit and stick to the task. This state of being aware of ones potential and one's indiscipline creates a cycle of increasing self-sabotaging behaviour, where self-esteem is shot in the foot, and confidence is thrown out of the window.</p><p id="9880">Finding is reserved for the searchers — the seekers. The process of receiving is triggered by character, behaviour change and actions repeated consistently. Life does hear the desires of our heart but is forced to grant our desires only by the clanging noise of our actions. No matter how much need of some idea you have, to save your marriage, the books on marriage on the library shelf is not going to jump into your hands as you stroll past the library.</p><p id="a56d">Walking past a hospital building isn't going to make a doctor pull you over and say; “you've been having severe back pain right? Here is a medication for your pain”. In order to ‘f<i>ind’</i>, there must be a deep desire to go looking. A sacrifice of one’s comfort zone, to go searching is apt and much needed to begin the miracle process of life change. You must step into the library to get the book

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s that will furnish you with the knowledge to save your marriage. Your dissatisfaction and back pain will continue until you decide to walk in rather than walk past the hospital.</p><p id="9777">At the latter stages of my dad's life, he did finally kick the smoking and the drinking habit, before his passing in 2008. But for him, he needed an awakening, to truly go seeking. To truly desire the change he has always sermoned. That awakening came in the form of a serious broil he had with my mom. Mama just couldn't take it anymore, she packed out and would not return. The lion of the jungle found himself on his knees pleading for a second chance. A chance he indeed took with utmost dedication. The coming years would see my dad become a completely changed man — kicking the smoking and drinking habit altogether.</p><p id="562d">Finally, I would love to leave you with this; if you ain't receiving what you are asking for, maybe it is time to check how you are asking the universe for it. And if you are receiving what you think you ain't asking for, then maybe you need to check the tenets of your mind, habits and actions. Sometimes it is a little bit of both.</p><p id="997f"><i>More by the Author</i></p><div id="1060" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/we-cant-pray-away-the-storm-how-i-learned-to-outlive-lifes-storms-55fc31091cec"> <div> <div> <h2>We Can’t Pray Away the Storm — How I Learned to Outlive Lifes Storms</h2> <div><h3>Our emotions are deep enough to drown us — we must learn how to swim to stay alive.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*a5B7ZQXNADIceAuBjFiKNA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="40e5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-desire-to-be-more-2a48e26e3cf7"> <div> <div> <h2>The Desire To Be More</h2> <div><h3>I am not afraid to die… I have made my peace with it. But what I fear, is dying without having lived.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*p0QrDbgcGaxJTkh52V5WOg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

You will find when you search with all your heart.

Standing before my dad whilst he is talking to you, is a moment we all dreaded growing up. And this was no exception. I stood, staring at the ground, I could not make eye contact because I wasn’t ready to give him more reason to get angry.

In split seconds, I had the parlour stool flying through the air, an inch from my head. Before I could lift my head to see what the hell is going on, I heard a barrage of yelling; “are you frowning at me while am talking to you?”

I stood frantic and mute, didn't know how to answer that, because first, I didn’t realise I was frowning, (maybe I was — unconsciously, but I had no idea). Secondly how the hell did he see my face, when I was staring at the floor the entire time?

My dad is not an evil man, though he has his moment of temper flaring. But usually, he is a reticent, quiet but also a strict man who takes absolute care of his family. Everything he does is for his family — he literally lives for us.

But he battled with smoking and alcohol — something that wasn’t good for his body. A few bottles and he has lost it. Add that to his temperament, and the house becomes a living hell until he is sober again, realises what he has done and spends the following weeks, or months making it up until he slips again.

Again and again, he would lament over how poorly he treats his family. He knew he had a good family going. You could tell he knows by the way he looks at my siblings and my mama. It was obviously clear in his eyes whenever he watches our last sibling play. Or that moment when mom is in the kitchen cooking, and he is watching his favourite Comando movie, featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger, whilst throwing jokes back and forth with my mom. That keeps us wondering, why not just go over and joke with your wife in the kitchen and leave us to watch this movie in peace.

He sought change for his bad drinking habit for the sole purpose of making my home, his marriage a blissful place. A noble desire of course. With constant preaching of his desire to change, it got to a point where it began to feel like, he was just saying it. We knew nothing was gonna happen. There was no effort on his part. Nothing to suggest he was really going to stop drinking.

If you really want to do something, I am sure it requires fewer speeches. Whatever we commit to in conversation, expectations shows up in behaviour. The scripture teaches that we should be wise to judge a fruit by the tree it bears. No! I got that backwards! It said to judge a tree by the fruits it bears — not the fruits it wants, or the fruits it talks about.

Going into relationships, this has been the one thing that has served me well. I would not waste my time being swept away by sweet words. Usually, people’s words do not fit their actions — just like my dad. In a close self-study, even I have been a victim of this. During a pumped up moment of motivation and inspiration, after declaring my intentions, I go home and gradually slid back into old habits and lifestyle.

It is not that the desire is missing, but the will to execute (which is the key to life change) — is lacking. The same reason why many continue on a path of mediocrity and unhappiness. They know they are able if only they can commit and stick to the task. This state of being aware of ones potential and one's indiscipline creates a cycle of increasing self-sabotaging behaviour, where self-esteem is shot in the foot, and confidence is thrown out of the window.

Finding is reserved for the searchers — the seekers. The process of receiving is triggered by character, behaviour change and actions repeated consistently. Life does hear the desires of our heart but is forced to grant our desires only by the clanging noise of our actions. No matter how much need of some idea you have, to save your marriage, the books on marriage on the library shelf is not going to jump into your hands as you stroll past the library.

Walking past a hospital building isn't going to make a doctor pull you over and say; “you've been having severe back pain right? Here is a medication for your pain”. In order to ‘find’, there must be a deep desire to go looking. A sacrifice of one’s comfort zone, to go searching is apt and much needed to begin the miracle process of life change. You must step into the library to get the books that will furnish you with the knowledge to save your marriage. Your dissatisfaction and back pain will continue until you decide to walk in rather than walk past the hospital.

At the latter stages of my dad's life, he did finally kick the smoking and the drinking habit, before his passing in 2008. But for him, he needed an awakening, to truly go seeking. To truly desire the change he has always sermoned. That awakening came in the form of a serious broil he had with my mom. Mama just couldn't take it anymore, she packed out and would not return. The lion of the jungle found himself on his knees pleading for a second chance. A chance he indeed took with utmost dedication. The coming years would see my dad become a completely changed man — kicking the smoking and drinking habit altogether.

Finally, I would love to leave you with this; if you ain't receiving what you are asking for, maybe it is time to check how you are asking the universe for it. And if you are receiving what you think you ain't asking for, then maybe you need to check the tenets of your mind, habits and actions. Sometimes it is a little bit of both.

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