I Can’t Wear My Dead Relatives — It Makes No Sense to Me

My take on cremation jewelry

While writing my White Mama Ula’s obituary — by happenstance, a few ads appeared on the screen. But the one that intrigued me the most was the ad for cremation diamonds.

2020 has been a year of significant loss for me in terms of people I held dear in my life. In May, Ula passed away due to a stroke. In August, I lost two uncles five days apart — one died from COVID-19, and the other passed away due to natural causes.

Grief, being an unwelcomed albatross, invaded every corner of my mind. And the plethora of decisions that must be made — when a loved one departs — became overwhelming.

Being grief-stricken, I was writing Ula’s obituary and suddenly, some ads of tangible objects (to remember loved ones) appeared before me based on my browsing history. And as I said, the ad that struck me the most was the ad for cremation diamonds.

Here are some assertions about cremation diamonds from a company near me called Eterneva.

• Diamond is bright and stimulates positive emotions and memories.
• When you wear the diamond, it keeps you connected to the deceased loved one.
• It can be passed down to future generations to help keep the loved one’s story alive.

I don’t know whether you believe all of this or not. But I am sharing my take on why I think this is a cruel money-making enterprise.

Manipulating people when they are incredibly vulnerable

When you think about what happens in the mind when you are in a state of grief, you realize that logical decisions are not easy to make.

The process of grieving impacts your brain in several ways. Hormones, as well as neurochemicals, deluge the brain, and some common issues that result in a lack of appetite, insomnia, and anxiety.

The brain does not operate at its optimal capacity during this time. The frontal lobe is not in the driver’s seat as it relegated to the backseat.

Adroit marketing techniques are aimed at the emotional brain and counting on that brain to make an impulse purchase.

It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward. — Patti Davis

Cremation jewelry is expensive

Eterneva sells a welcome kit for a non-refundable $100. How nice of them, right? The welcome kit comes with the following:

• An introductory video that explains the process and you meet the members of their team. Yes, please tell us who these people are!
• An instruction booklet (that creeps me out).
• Size reference cubic zirconias, which I think is kind of fascinating. If the person was modest in life, do you pick a small diamond?

You also receive a container for your loved one’s ashes or hair. What if I send them more ashes than they need? How awkward is that conversation going to be?

As you might suspect, the carat size determines the price of the jewelry.

This is an added expense out of my price range for sure! I paid $1,500 for Ula’s cremation and spreading her ashes at the spot she requested in her will was FREE!

Grief is never something you get over. You don’t wake up one morning and say, “I’ve conquered that; now I’m moving on.” It’s something that walks beside you every day. And if you can learn how to manage it and honor the person you miss, you can take something incredibly sad and have some form of positivity.

— Terri Irwin

This could incite family drama

Siblings within a family could struggle with the fact that mom or dad chose one sibling to wear them.

Are people going to start writing this into their wills? Right after the bequeathing part, will there be descriptions of the color and carat the person wishes to be?

I like to believe that I am forward-thinking as the next person, but I am struggling to wrap my head around wearing dead friends, loved ones, or pets.

I guess I am just old-fashioned in the grieving department. I am used to paying a lot of money upfront and remembering my loved ones through the experiences I shared with them.

My thoughts

It just seems counterintuitive to have a pair of earrings and a matching necklace to commemorate the people I had conversations with.

I believe that cremation jewelry is a reflection of our modern-day obsession with material things.

I think the dead should rest in peace and not be worn in pieces.

This, of course, is my opinion and I can’t bring myself to wear my dead relatives.

Grief is sort of the allowance of feeling. — Carrie Brownstein

Thank you for reading.

If you are interested in my writings, you may read the following one as well.