I Can’t Bemoan My Relationship Choices Because We’re Clueless in Our Twenties

And then I was a romantic idiot well into my thirties

I’m talking with my sisters.

“I made a lot of mistakes,” I say.

Nothing is more cathartic than chatting with my familial posse. It’s cleansing. I’m a talker but even if I wasn’t, there’s something about siblings. Sometimes it just takes a nod.

Like I get it.

We come from the same emotional space.

It’s comforting.

We are having a girls' talk. Think of your 16-year-old self with your high school besties. Or your 20-year-old being with your college roomies. It’s that kind of chatter.

Or literally, as we are, you are whatever age chatting with…

Your lifelong perpetual besties because you share the same momma.

I ruminate over the mistakes I’ve made in my marriage.

“You don’t see sh*t in your twenties,” I say. “You don’t see sh*t in your thirties. You literally have to hit almost 40 before you’re like Holy cow who did I marry? What did I get myself into? Who is this person? How did I never see any of this person or their behavior more clearly before?”

My sisters nod and keep talking.

I’m momentarily silent.

This is unusual for me.

I can’t help it. I find myself thinking how do we rescue the relationship world? How do we make romantic liaisons better? How do we have healthier partnerships?

If we can’t see any of the potentially bad behavior.

If we can’t see any red flags.

If we’re romantic idiots when we are making our biggest relationship choices.

If it takes us a decade or two of maturity to catch on and say oops. Maybe this wasn’t the best relationship partner for me. Maybe I was so young and idealistic that I didn’t see a lot of alarming things.

Maybe I didn’t know enough about myself to choose someone else.

For an entire lifetime.

But spoiler alert, it’s too late.

You did choose them. You did buy the white dress. You did walk down the aisle. You did put a ring on your finger. You did buy a house. You did have a baby. You did have more babies.

And then, you turned 40 and woke up.

And you’re like oops.

What did I get myself into?

But you don’t see sh*t in your twenties. You don’t see sh*t in your thirties. You have to hit your forties before you say sh*t how did I not see any of this before?

I was a romantic idiot tasked with making my biggest relationship choice.

I didn’t know enough about myself to choose someone else.

I didn’t know sh*t.