My Ex-husband’s Six-Figure Wedding Really Ticks Me Off

When I am struggling to afford to go to a doctor’s appointment

Excuse me while I vent.

Most of the time, my ex-husband’s extravagant wedding, diamond engagement ring and diamond band, and yada yada yada don’t irritate me. They validate me.

They demonstrate what a low-life lying creep he is.

The ‘poor’ man who claimed he was broke during our divorce magically has cash.

He throws an expensive wedding despite claiming to have no retirement.

What makes my ex-husband even more despicable is how financially abusive he was to his own children to ensure he left me with nothing. I’m not sure how he looks at himself in the mirror.

Fortunately, our children are beautifully forgiving.

They see their father for who he really is but they attempt to rise above it.

Sadly, I can’t erase the memories of them sitting in a kitchen with no food, going to school without their school supplies, being threatened to be taken out of college, having no transportation, going into the doctor’s office being told they have no insurance, sheriffs deputies knocking on our door, repo guys in the driveway and more.

I think of how my ex-husband refused to send our youngest to college.

He claimed he was too broke to afford it.

But a couple of years later, he buys a big ring and throws a lavish wedding.

My sweet youngest is such a good person he doesn’t emphasize this. As a mother, it burns me up. All of our children should have been treated exactly the same.

Technically, my ex-husband did attempt to do that.

I was just able to run interference and keep my other two children at college. I let my guard down with my youngest because my ex-husband was finally willing to divorce me after five long years. I thought that I had added protection because he finally was willing to work within the legal process.

Anyway, most days I could care less that my husband spent that money.

The money he cheated me out of.

Because he made himself look even worse and showed the world who he is.

But I need to go to urgent care or make a doctor’s appointment.

It’s been three days of a bad headache. I think it’s probably related to my ear. I’m not sure. I kept hoping it would go away. I can’t afford to go to urgent care or a doctor’s appointment.

Let me explain.

When you finish an extremely financially abusive divorce you are ruined.

It’s like declaring bankruptcy.

It takes years to rebuild.

It’s one step forward, two steps backward. I begin to build my credit back up from where my ex-husband ruined it so he could appear broke. And then I have an extraordinary expense and miss a payment and my credit goes back down.

My friend joked recently that I have ten credit cards.

I told him each of them only have a few hundred dollar credit limit.

That’s what happens when your spouse ruins your credit.

My ex-husband made sure he left me with no savings or retirement. He made sure I didn’t have the typical credit limit on credit cards to meet an extraordinary expense or pay legal bills by ruining my credit.

He even made sure to lower his social security so I couldn’t access that one day.

How did he do it?

He started paying himself as a lower-earning ‘employee’ of our business.

I had a plan when I finalized my divorce.

I had to. I couldn’t take anymore. Five years is a very long time to experience a severely emotionally and financially abusive divorce. I felt powerless. Even when I was working, he would withhold the money he was supposed to give me.

I paid a huge price for being a stay-at-home mother.

Despite being a 50% owner of our business.

I have lived in fear.

I never know what game my ex-husband is going to play next. He made it clear even in divorce it wouldn’t stop. He was in contempt of the finalized divorce decree and wouldn’t sell the house with me or pay the first payment he owed me.

Ultimately, he finally agreed but it tied up the better part of a year.

I don’t count that first year of divorce as true freedom or rebuilding.

I was still fighting to free myself.

I was a year out of that when the pandemic hit. I still haven’t figured out my financial situation. I compartmentalize daily to minimize the amount of stress. I am not living the way I had responsibly lived my entire life.

I didn’t pay the bills late.

I didn’t avoid going to the doctor because I didn’t have the money.

I lived a normal accountable life.

I don’t know why finding a job has been so elusive. I have to rely on my faith that everything happens for a reason. Especially, since I did get a ridiculously great contract job and after a few months it fell through.

I make money as a freelance journalist but it’s not enough.

It will be the money that helps me get ahead with another full-time job.

I’m frustrated because I’m far more capable than this.

I’ve always been able to take care of myself. I was raised by a single mother. I paid my expenses in high school. I paid my entire way through college myself. I bought my own first car. And we paid for our wedding and our home.

I’m someone who wasn’t even used to taking money from a parent.

I gave my mom some of my paychecks during high school and college.

She would never have asked for them.

I wanted to help her. She never let us down. She did well and worked hard and we lived as two-parent households did. We had a lovely home and I never wanted for a thing.

But we had to carry our own weight. She couldn’t do everything. She lived under a tremendous amount of stress because my dad left her to raise five children alone.

I wish she was here, I would be more appreciative than my twenty-something self.

I now understand her struggle.

The difficult choices she had to make when she was first rebuilding.

My ex-husband’s six-figure wedding really ticks me off.

When I am struggling to afford a doctor’s appointment.