Dating/Self
I Broke Up With A Guy Via Text — And I’ve Always Regretted it
A crash course in break-up etiquette.
Sometimes we don’t face the things we should.
I am guilty of this.
I did this to a guy I had been dating briefly. I liked him, but after a few weeks and a handful of short dates, I realized that I didn’t want the relationship to blossom any further.
We hadn’t slept together and had only shared one kiss. I didn’t feel as though this was a serious thing.
The problem was — I got the impression that he would be pretty devastated if I told him I wanted to stop seeing him and I was fearful of the confrontation. I was pretty sure he liked me way more than I like him and by this point, I was sure I’d have known if he was for me or not.
But I’m not good with confrontation.
So, I did the cowardly thing. I avoided him for a while. I didn’t respond to his texts or answer his calls. I didn’t know how to explain to him that I didn’t have the feelings for him that he was expressing he had for me.
Finally, he got so frustrated with me for neglecting his calls and texts that he sent me a snappy text demanding acknowledgment. That was when I responded. I told him via text message that I didn’t think things were going to work out and that we shouldn’t go out on any more dates together.
It was such a passive-aggressive move that I cringe thinking about it now.
It wasn’t received well. Not at all. He responded back to me and said,
“So you’re breaking up with me over text? Wow, that’s so not cool. I thought you were a better person than that. Not even telling me what I did wrong is f*cked up. I wish you the best of luck in life.”
Ouch.
This was not my best moment by a long shot.
I didn’t respond to his text and I pretty much just let the whole thing go. I moved on, never giving much thought to how my actions might have affected him. It was cold and it was inconsiderate. Not only that but, I realize that if a person I was interested in did the same thing to me — I’d be angry.
Technology offers us opportunities for both connecting and disconnecting at the same time. I connected with the guy I was dating via technology by using a dating site and I ended up dumping him via technology by using a text message.
It’s super easy to dismiss people with a single swipe or text. It’s not difficult to end a relationship that way — especially one that’s fresh and without a lot of invested entanglements.
The right thing to do wasn’t exactly clear to me at the time because the most convenient thing to do helped me avoid the confrontation I didn’t want. The need to escape the awkward connection of communicating my feelings in person was stronger than my desire to consider someone else’s feelings.
We can blame technology for our bad behavior and that’s certainly easy to do. However, in my situation, there was only one person accountable for my bad behavior and that person was me.
Certain conversations might feel safer to have without being face-to-face with someone but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
I regret what I did and how nonchalantly I brushed off this guy’s feelings by hiding behind my phone. It feels horrible to know that I left someone with bad feelings about me instead of just confronting the issue.
In the end, we need to remember that technology etiquette is a thing as much as in-person etiquette is a thing. Try to imagine how you would feel getting an electronic message from someone instead of an in-person communication if it was something incredibly important or personal to you.
Let’s not forget the power of validating one another as human beings — especially in this ever-evolving technocentric dating world.
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