I Am Un-Enabling My Kids
No, you go get it yourself.
If there’s one thing that COVID-19 has shown me. . . well, not even shown. Let me rephrase.
If there’s one thing that this COVID-19 era has put on center stage, under a sparkling, bright spotlight, set to the urgent blast of a frantically harmonious orchestra, is that my kids can’t do anything for themselves.
Cue the maestro.
How Did This Happen?
I think I’m an okay mother. I’m not a jalopy. But, I’m certainly no Range Rover. I’m like a reliable Toyota.
I always try to do the right thing. But sometimes I breakdown.
We are supposed to guide them. Raise them. Inform them. Nurture them. Show them.
Lead by example.
But sometimes it’s just easier to just do things myself. Right?
Yes, you need to learn how to tie your shoes. But we are in a rush and I do it so much faster than you.
“We are in a rush.”
Ha, we don’t hear those words much anymore, do we?
With all this newfound time, I vow to undo all the years of enabling damage I’ve done.
Perhaps you’ll read this and wonder, “What kind of circus is she running over there?” and not relate to any of it. That’s okay. I’m jealous of you.
But, I have a suspicion that all parents are guilty of enabling in our own ways.
Go Get it Yourself
“Mom! Moooommmmmm! MOMMY!” I hear blood-curdling cries from downstairs as I step out of the shower.
I grab a towel and race down the hallway, slipping with my wet feet, scaling five steps at a time. I’m certain someone will be lying in either a pool of blood or with a leg snapped in half.
“Can you get me water?” Simon asks, not looking up from the Xbox.
“I thought you were dead. Please don’t scream like that for a glass of water,” I say.
“Well, can you?” he asks.
Is he serious?
Yes, he is serious because he is used to Mommy getting him everything. Of course, he knows how to get a glass of water, but why get up?
Why get up when you have a personal butler attending to your every need?
New COVID Rule: If You Know How to Do It, Do It. (Because I’m Going to Ignore You)
But I still love you. :)
Cooking and Cleaning Are Not Just a Woman’s Job
My husband is considered an essential worker, so he is not home for most of the day.
I’m alone here with two little boys, ages 8 and 9. I am making the most of this time. I have a positive attitude. Venting gets you nowhere.
I realized that there is no reason that I am the only person doing all the cooking and cleaning. They are not toddlers anymore.
Forcing them to help, not only kills time in these dreadfully long days, but it’s teaching them invaluable life lessons. You’re welcome, future daughter-in-laws. (Or son-in-laws. . . love who you want, boys).
New COVID Rule: Household Tasks Know No Gender or Age
- You can crack an egg.
- You can sweep a floor.
- You can put away your laundry.
- You can set the dinner table.
- You can wash the dishes.
- You can feed the dog.
- You can stir the soup.
- You can wipe the toothpaste out of the sink.
- You can replace the toilet paper roll.
- You can spread the peanut butter.
- You can scoop the ice cream.
Figure Out Your Own Schoolwork
I’m not going to lie. I really do enjoy helping them with their virtual learning.
My friends were hot-messes when we first became quarantined, unqualified teachers. I joked about them here.
It’s definitely triggering my “should I have been a teacher?” internal conflict that has ailed me for years.
But guys, c’mon. Have at least some independence.
I get it. This is weird. This is not what you’re used to. And, it’s easier to ask me for help than to email your teacher and construct an entire email (typing skills are a whole other post).
New COVID Rule: Do What You Can on Your Own — AT LEAST TRY
I know it’s confusing but try.
- Try to write down all your assignments for the day.
- Try to get as much done without asking me for help.
- Try to take breaks when your brain gets too jumbled.
- Try to focus.
- Try to pretend you are in your classroom at school.
- Try to learn. Please try. It’s important.
Self-Care Isn’t Just for Adults
Once upon a time (pre-COVID), your self-care was established for you.
- Socialization: Five days a week at school. Check.
- Fitness: Daily recess. Phys. Ed class. After-school sports. Check.
- Adequate sleep: Structured bedtimes. Check.
- Nutrition: Healthy breakfast. Packed lunch. Family dinner. Check.
- Limited screen-time: Majority of the day occupied. Check.
Now I run the risk of creating some seriously lazy, unhealthy children. I cannot let that happen.
New COVID Rule: Healthy Habits are Our Main Priority
Yes, we can easily lay on the couch all day watching TV and eating popcorn.
Sure, I can get a lot done around here if I let you guys play Xbox all day long.
But, we can’t.
We cannot fall into that easy, tempting trap.
- You will play outside every day.
- You will eat healthy meals. Treats are okay too.
- You will still go to bed at bedtime.
- You will still read in bed until you get sleepy.
- You can go on Fortnite. I know your friends will be on the other end.
What crazy times. We are all doing our best. It is unclear how this is affecting our kids. For our house, establishing new expectations has helped — and all this time at home has made them more self-sufficient, more self-assured.
Hopefully, they’ll look back on these days with no damage done. Well, minimal damage. Nobody’s perfect.
Hang in there, parents. We are all in this together. xo
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