I Am a Guardian of Hope

To not one, but three little children.

Courthouses make me nervous.

They are daunting and cold with long corridors and chambers with massive wooden double-doors. They make me feel small. But courthouses change lives, especially the lives of little children who fall neglected and need someone to care for them.

To be their guardian.

Such is my case. I am the guardian of three children. My grandchildren. The courts determined their parents unable to support them, so I stepped into the parental role. I became a guardian of hope.

I am not alone. In this country, over 2.5 million grandparents are raising their grandchildren. Obtaining guardianship can be consensual or it can be thrust upon you. The reasons are many, however, drug use, incarceration, or Child Services intervention are a common thread in the lives of affected children.

Drug Abuse

Guardianship usually involves a child in crisis. The home provided by the parent or lack thereof is filled with fear, neglect, and open drug use.

The children see fights between the parents, which creates a sense of fear in the child. Strange people coming and going in the home intensifies that fear.

Children are often neglected because a parent may spend their money and time procuring and using drugs. The child’s basic needs such as clean clothing, healthy food, and medical care are unmet.

It hits close to home. I remember when my son was a teenager and he had a close friend whose mother was on methamphetamines. The mother tried to hide her secret until one day my son walked his friend home.

They found her mother passed out on the couch with needles lying everywhere. It broke my heart when they told me. Shortly after, his friend went to live with her aunt.

When I worked for Family Services three decades ago, I have seen many cases where drug use was one of the reasons they removed the minors from the home.

For example, I know of a child who rarely attended school, had a severe skin infection, and a needle in her backpack. Family Services placed the little girl with her grandmother, who was on Social Security and disabled.

Drug use, namely, opioids and meth, is on the rise and the primary cause for guardianship. According to Senator Susan M. Collins, the opioid crisis has fueled this phenomenon of grandfamilies. It is heartbreaking to see lives turned upside down for everybody involved.

Meanwhile, the grandmas and grandpas are filling the roles of guardians of hope.

Incarceration

The incarceration of one or both of the parents contribute to children living with grandparents. In America, about 2.7 million children live with their grandparents because their parents are in prison.

Such is the case of my oldest granddaughter. Her father, my son, was incarcerated when she was a baby. Her mother asked me to take care of my granddaughter until she got on her feet. That was almost twelve years ago.

Another reason kids are taken away is that the parents sell drugs. My son has been in and out of jail for that same thing. The lifestyle of fast money and material things are just as addictive as drugs. The end result is usually prison.

Granted, it is not easy to be a guardian or a grandchild of a grandparent guardian. My granddaughter is almost a teen with all the raging hormones and attitudes. She has misplaced anger directed at teachers and family members because she misses her dad.

Incarceration, then, becomes a family experience.

In the middle of it all, I am a stable force in her life. Just about the only one. But we face the additional stressors of her father’s instability and my health concerns. What do I do?

Continue to be a guardian of her hope.

Intervention

Almost two months ago, I received a call from Child Services (CS) in the middle of the night. Based on information they had received about possible neglect, Child Services intervened, physically removed my grandchildren from their mother, and asked if I could take them.

My husband drove to meet the worker, and he arrived to chaos. My granddaughter was screaming and clinging to her mother. My grandson sat silently in shock, holding a teddy bear.

With sadness, my husband signed a Safety Plan agreeing to keep the children safe and away from their mother. His sadness quickly turned to anger at the sight of my grandchildren’s trauma.

In the meantime, the mother had to comply with her treatment plan to stay clean and sober that Child Services initiated. She did not.

The other day, I went before the judge to get emergency guardianship at the direction of the CS worker.

Here I am. Back at the courthouse, and I am nervous. Again. The court granted hope to two more children. Me.

Thousands of children every day are traumatized and removed from their homes because of parental drug use, incarceration, and intervention. Grandparents step up and become guardians of the children’s future and hope.

Do you know a grandparent who is a guardian? Send them a note of support, offer to provide respite care for a day, deliver a curbside meal. It may help encourage them to be hope for these children for one more day.

Walk with me and discover the path to hope.

Debbie Walker is a great-grandmother, blogger, and writer with a BA in Psychology. Her vision is to encourage, inspire, and empower others to lead fulfilled lives. She is the creator of Middle-Pause Publication and STOMP!, an upcoming podcast for women. Stay in touch at [email protected].