TRAVEL

I Almost Drove Off A Cliff In Hawaii

Why you should never blindly trust your guidebook

Our guidebook doesn’t tell the whole story

In the distance, we could hear children laughing and splashing around in the water.

We didn’t know the sound we were hearing wasn’t children at all.

It was a family of billy goats.

Our guidebook, the well known “Maui Revealed” had led us 45 minutes off the main walking path to where hidden pools of warm spring water were supposed to be located. This would be a perfect spot for a romantic swim.

But before we could take the final steps to get to the pools we were met with a baby billy goat, staring at us from 50 feet away.

“He’s so cute!” Karen whispered to me, as she continued to walk slowly forward.

Then we noticed the baby billy goat’s concerned mother, standing just off to the side.

Not so cute.

She raised her head and caught our gaze with large, sharp horns in full view, getting in position to protect her baby.

We froze.

We realized we were going to be the clear losers of this particular billy goat staring contest. We backed away, very carefully, to our rental car.

October 15th

RE: HIDDEN POOLS OF WATER

Dear Editors of “Maui Revealed,”

Please update your fine publication to advise any future adventurers in search of hidden pools of warm spring water there is a slight chance they may be attacked by some damn billy goats.

Thanks,

Avid Reader

We love the guidebook but it doesn’t love us back

Back at the rental car, we flipped through the pages of our guidebook.

For this first wedding anniversary, we wanted to find the ‘hidden gems’ on the island — those beautiful places in Hawaiian nature most people didn’t get to see.

The book took us to all those places, often putting us in various dangerous situations.

It didn’t seem to care if it killed us, as long as it provided us with the promised natural beauty of Maui.

The guidebook didn’t love us as much as we loved it.

If everyone drives off a cliff, does that mean you have to do it too?

As the afternoon was turning into the evening we drove along a winding road on the side of a beautiful mountain, high above a small village and rocky beach.

These were gorgeous views.

But I noticed something strange:

The road was getting narrower.

Dangerously narrower.

Nothing was said about this in the guidebook.

“Keep driving,” it said.

But the road continued to get narrower and there was no guard rail.

“Keep driving,” the book kept saying to us.

But something inside told me to stop.

We were going to drive off the cliff if I listened to the guidebook.

Never blindly trust the guidebook

“Karen, I think we need to stop.”

She agreed.

I put the car in ‘park’ and opened my door to see how close we were to the edge of the road.

My driver’s side tires were one inch from the side of the cliff.

“Oh my God, this is nuts,” I said.

“Oh my God,” Karen repeated, “Back up SLOWLY!”

I put the car in reverse and spent 10 minutes driving backward until we got to a point where I could turn the car around and head back to our hotel.

We had been one inch from death.

To this day, I shudder every time I think about it.

October 15th

RE: DANGEROUSLY NARROW ROAD TO HANNA

Dear Editors of “Maui Revealed,”

Seriously, What The Fuck?

Thanks,

Avid Reader