GENETIC ENGINEERING 101
Human Being Design Flaws
We need some upgrades
Evolution has produced some pretty stellar results.
Humans have ascended from the pond scum of yesteryear to today’s finely tuned biological marvels.
But, let’s not be too hasty
The human body is amazing, but it’s definitely not perfect.
As a doctor, I see it break down all the time because of mileage, age, misuse, abuse, a host of other indiscretions, and just plain old bad luck.
However, there are certain “design flaws” inherent in humans from major to minor. They make us seem poorly planned and in need of revamping.
Here’s a checklist that would send many of us back to the factory. Maybe next year’s model huh?
Mouth interior
You’re contentedly chewing, at a normal pace, and suddenly you’re brought up short by the searing pain of a self-inflicted bite to your inner cheek, lip or tongue. It hurts like a motherf$%ker. Then, in spite of your best efforts, it happens again, often right away.
Let’s put our maws back in the shop for a little tighten up. Maybe while they’re in there the tongue can do some dexterity training and learn to stay out of the way.
Low back
A HUGE percentage of humans suffer from low back pain.
Usually it’s no big deal and over the short term fades away, almost no matter what you do for it. That’s true even if you decide to simply ignore it and soldier on. It just gets better.
Seriously though, wouldn’t a little tweaking be beneficial? All that grunting and groaning and bitching and moaning getting into and out of chairs and beds would diminish significantly if the lumbar spine was strengthened a little.
We might have to sacrifice some flexibility, but it seems worth it to me. Let’s talk to the Brooklyn Bridge people.
Scrotum
Really … externalize the franks AND the beans?!
That’s just asking for trouble.
The frank’s gotta be there, for obvious reasons. But the beans could be safely tucked away, from knees, accidental or deliberate, errant pitches, stair railings (looking at you Sk8er Boi and parkour enthusiasts), bike seats and all kinds of other traumas. Roughly half our species has their ‘nads housed out of harm’s way. Why not redesign a bit, make it a home run and include all of us?
Swallow Tube & Breathing Tube — Next Door Neighbors, AYFKM!
“It went down the wrong way!”
How many times does that have to happen before we demand a recall and file a class action lawsuit? Seeds, carrot bits, vinaigrette, orange juice, you name it. They all find themselves headed down the wrong hole at some point. We’re left embarrassed (first date), concerned (family dinner), tearful, red-faced, blue, sweaty or endangered (Call 911!)
Can’t something be done before it’s too late?! If our cars sputtered as often we’d definitely be talking to our trusty, and trustworthy, mechanics.
A doctor friend offered this paraphrased perspective after reading the stuff above. He’s gross of course since he’s a doctor.
“Who puts a septic system next to a playground? Slide millimeters away from the hot zone and you’re in the brown zone!” (TY buddy— you’re excused cuz I know you just had head trauma.)
Another, more cerebral healer, opined that anatomy bugs, blemishes and glitches were evidence of god’s sense of humor at play. That’s a concept too lofty for me to explore here and probably too lofty for me in general. So, I’ll just ignore it.
Also, as a postscript, I heard from a 24-year-old! that, through this little piece of fluff, I’d taught her the meaning of “AYFKM!” I feel good about that.
So, I could go on and on but that’s enough for now. No more critiques for the moment.
