How To Write Dirty Limericks

Subtlety is the key. Sometimes. Oh, and rhythm and rhyme. And the number of lines. And. . .Well, read on, Macduff, and find out

I love writing limericks. They’re fun little ditties that can be as clean or as dirty as you like. Plus, the ladies love them, and you’ll be a hit at pandemic Zoom parties for your wit and originality.

Here is one of my original limericks:

There once was a poetry reader Who thought he would like to write meter So he reached for his pen While sitting in his den And “Woah, Dude” he grabbed his friend’s peter

A while back, I wrote a story about how to write a Haiku. In it, I created my first Haiku. Unfortunately, it sounded more like a limerick. Here it is in it’s Haiku form:

Haiku of Chuck There once was a man named Chuck who really, really- liked to, um, hunt duck

Here it is turned into a dirty limerick:

There once was a writer named Chuck Who was an avid hunter of duck He went out to his blind And what did he find His dog and his wife in a fuck

I know. . .work in progress, okay?

Origins

“The limerick form was popularized by Edward Lear in his first A Book of Nonsense (1846) and a later work, More Nonsense Pictures, Rhymes, Botany, etc.. (1872). Lear wrote 212 limericks, mostly considered nonsense literature. It was customary at the time for limericks to accompany an absurd illustration of the same subject, and for the final line of the limerick to be a variant of the first line ending in the same word, but with slight differences that create a nonsensical, circular effect. The humour is not in the “punch line” ending but rather in the tension between meaning and its lack.” Wikipedia

Structure of a Limerick

The structure of a limerick is very important. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a limerick, would it? Below is the foundation of a limerick.

Rhyme Scheme:

The first, second and fifth line should rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth line should rhyme with each other.

It typically looks like this:

Rhyme A Rhyme A Rhyme B Rhyme B Rhyme A

Syllable Structure:

A limerick has a certain rhythm and flow to it. It’s rhythm is part of what makes it “pop” when said aloud.

A limerick’s syllable structure is typically built like this: the first, second, and fifth lines should have eight or nine syllables. The third and fourth lines should have five or six syllables.

The syllable structure helps with the next part:

Meter

Those of you familiar with Shakespeare know he wrote a lot in iambic pentameter. That’s a lesson in itself, but I linked to an explanation here.

Limericks use what is called an anapestic trimeter. A fuller description is here.

Basically, the meter is the number of beats. These are sometimes called “stressed” syllables. Let’s use “Da” for unstressed and “Dum” for stressed syllables; The first, second, and fifth lines should have three stressed syllables and sound like this:

da DUM da da DUM da da DUM (da) There ONCE was a PO-e-try READ-er

Now, say it out loud with me. . .good!

The third and fourth lines should have two stressed syllables and sound like this:

da DUM da da DUM (da) So HE reached for HIS pen

Excellent! You now have the foundation needed to start “limericking.”

Now, You Do It

Before you start your limerick, brainstorm ideas. Think of something that happened to you, or someone, that was silly, or funny, or ridiculous, or dirty, or sexy, or whatever.

Start by coming up with a subject. For instance, you can use a name as a subject: Bob

There once was a cop went by Bob (notice the language play with “went by”)

Or a city:

There once was a girl from Philly

Of course, remember that the second line has to rhyme with the first, as does the last, or fifth line. So once you come up with an idea and a subject, come up with words that rhyme with it, and that can lead to something silly, etc.,.

For purposes of this article, I’ll stick with my example above whose subject is a name:

There once was a cop went by Bob Who liked to eat donuts on the job (I considered funny stuff about cops)

Lines three and four can be the transition to the “punch” or “resolution” line.

So, for lines three and four, I want you to imagine what the cop named Bob did with the donut, or something related to him eating donuts, that might be funny and can rhyme with each other:

His favorite was jelly Which was just like his belly

And now for the closer, the “punch” or “resolution” line. This last line rhymes with lines one and two, and finishes up the limerick. For this particular limerick, I had already developed this line when I came up with the subject, but needed the rest of the limerick to tighten it up:

Which made Bob the Cop look like a slob.

Not the greatest, but not a bad first effort. I created this limerick as I wrote this article to demonstrate a first draft limerick. It has potential and is definitely worth tweaking a little.

Here it is in its entirety. Read it with the meter I wrote about above:

There once was a cop went by Bob Who liked to eat donuts on the job His favorite was jelly Which was just like his belly Which made Bob the Cop look like a slob.

Well done!

Nantucket-Style

A very popular form of the limerick for obvious rhyming possibilities. If you can’t see the obvious, well. . .better stick to non-fiction.

The earliest published version appeared in 1902 in the Princeton Tiger written by Prof. Dayton Voorhees. It wasn’t the “dirty” limerick we have all come to know and love so well. So called “ribald” versions were created soon after due to the “obvious” rhyming possibilities.

Here is my first draft attempt of a dirty limerick:

There once was a man from Nantucket Who’s skill as a writer sucked it When he wrote up a poem He was told to go home And shove his poem where he liked to fuck it

Okay. Admittedly, not the best example of a dirty “Nantucket” limerick, but, hey! Whaddaya want for free? Clearly, the fifth line needs a little work, but I know where I want to go with it.

Variations and Parodies (courtesy of Wikipedia)

Parodies of limericks can also be fun. As writers, breaking the rules should be encouraged, in my humble opinion. Especially in poetry. Sometimes.

Parodies deliberately break the rhyme scheme, like the following example, one of my favorite types of parodies, attributed to W.S. Gilbert, of Gilbert and Sullivan fame:

There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by a wasp, When asked, “Does it hurt?” He replied, “No, it doesn’t, I’m so glad it wasn’t a hornet.”

Comedian John Clarke has also parodied Lear’s limerick style:

There was an old man with a beard, A funny old man with a beard He had a big beard A great big old beard That amusing old man with a beard.

Here is my attempt at a parody:

There was an old woman from Rome, Who liked her young men in Speedos. She would make them spaghetti, Rub them with olive oil, Then make them do all the dishes.

Again, work in progress. But you can see the “story” progression and where the “resolution” line takes you to a different place altogether.

That, my friends, is my primer in limerick writing. Make writing fun again, and explore all of the ways you can create funny and entertaining writing.

I’d love to see some of your limericks in the comments.

Enjoy!

Chuck Roast. Man about town. Zaddy.