A Haiku by Chuck Roast

Summary

Chuck Roast humorously recounts his journey of understanding and attempting to write a Haiku, despite initial skepticism and confusion about its structure and rules.

Abstract

Chuck Roast, a humorist, embarks on a quest to comprehend the enigmatic form of poetry known as Haiku after observing its popularity and brevity. Despite his initial bewilderment, he embraces the challenge, researching the format which includes three lines with a syllable count of 5-7-5, totaling 17 syllables, and lacking rhyme. The Haiku also traditionally includes a seasonal reference and is rooted in nature. Roast playfully experiments with the form, crafting a Haiku about hunting ducks, and proudly checks off the elements he believes he has incorporated, such as syllable count, seasonal reference, and contrasting subjects. He humorously declares his proficiency in Haiku writing, suggesting that even expert Haiku writers recognize his talent, and hints at future endeavors in this poetic form.

Opinions

Roast initially doubts the complexity of Haiku due to its short length but comes to appreciate the challenge it presents.
He finds the concept of a Haiku not rhyming to be counterintuitive to his understanding of poetry but later sees it as an advantage.
Roast is skeptical about the necessity of understanding a 'mora' and chooses to focus on syllable counting instead.
He humorously questions the complexity of Haiku's structure, particularly the requirement of two juxtaposed subjects.
Roast playfully critiques the guidelines of Haiku, such as the use of a colon or dash to divide the poem, finding them unhelpful.
Despite the satirical tone, he expresses a sense of accomplishment and confidence in his ability to write Haiku, suggesting he might participate in contests and continues to hone his writing skills.

About Chuck Roast, of course

Photo by Trust “Tru” Katsande via Unsplash Free Images

This ole boy had no idea what a “Haiku” was, but kept seeing people writing ’em, and getting praise for ‘em.

And they were so short, I thought, “Those are short.”

So, taking on a suggestion by someone, can’t remember who, about trying new things and taking risks, I figured trying to write a 3 line poem was much better, and easier, than jumping out a perfectly good plane with a parachute on.

So, I looked up what a Haiku is:

Features of Haiku

It contains three lines. Three lines. How difficult could that be, right? Hell, I could write three lines all day long. In fact, I usually do. That’s why my stories are so darn long.

It has five moras (syllables) in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the last line. Five moras, then seven, then five again. Don’t know what the hell a mora is, so I’ll just go with the word in parentheses next to it, “syllables.” Hmm. I wonder if that’s what a “mora” is, being it’s right next to it? I’ll have to look it up anyway.

It contains 17 syllables in total. Seriously? I only need to write 17 syllables? Hold on, let me go look that word up. . . .oh, this might be harder than I thought. That’s like, I don’t know, only 12 words or so. Uh-oh. Better cut the superfluous stuff out. Dang! That big word had 4 freakin’ syllables in it! ONE word!

A Haiku poem does not rhyme. Okay. Now, that’s just plain silly. How can it be a poem if it doesn’t rhyme? Ain’t that what makes it a damn poem? Wait a minute! That should make it a whole lot easier. Cool! This one I can do!

Haiku poems frequently have a kigo, or seasonal reference. Is BBQ a season? Hmmm. BBQ, kigo. . .kinda rhymes, huh?

Haiku poems are usually about nature or natural phenomena. You mean like trees, or tornadoes? Yeah, I can do those. . .

The poem has two juxtaposed subjects that are divided into two contrasting parts. What the f@#$ does that s@#$ mean? Oops, sorry. Two dollars in the swear jar.

In English, this division between two parts can be shown by a colon or a dash Well, that helps. . .NOT!

Well, now that I’m clear n what a Haiku is. . . here we go! Let’s try one:

Haiku of Chuck There once was a man named Chuck who really, really- liked to, um, hunt duck

Let’s see: 5, 7, 5(I think), 17 syllables, kinda rhymes but I think that only counts if the last words in the lines rhyme.

Seasonal reference? Yep, duck huntin’ season. . .check.

Nature? Check (ducks).

Two juxtaposed subjects divided blah, blah, blah. Let’s check this one off because I have “man” in the first line and “duck” in the second, and let’s pretend they contrast because a man is not a duck, and verse vice-a.

Dash to show the division? Check.

Well, I think my work here is done. That wasn’t as hard as I thought. Gonna have to try this again, sometime. Maybe enter a contest or something. I’ll probably win.

I’m very good at Haiku's. Why, expert Haiku writers have told me I’m the best they have ever seen. I know more about Haiku's than anyone.

Chuck Roast is a humorist for the publication Illumination, a Top Writer in Satire, and owner/editor/writer of his own Publication, Dad-Bods, which is currently sitting idle while he develops his social media skills and gains more exposure through manipulation of said social media. For links to any of his accounts, read his previous article, Captain’s Log, Crew Member Roast Reporting. Read it slowly, then read it again, only much more slowly the second time. Then read it again. Thanks. Oh, and comments are ALWAYS appreciated.

What the hell is a Haiku?

A Haiku by Chuck Roast

About Chuck Roast, of course

Features of Haiku