Summary

The web content provides a strategic guide on how to win at Monopoly by creating a housing shortage, focusing on acquiring the orange and red properties, building three houses quickly, and staying in jail once all properties are purchased, with a humorous tone suggesting this approach may cost friendships.

Abstract

The article "How To Win Monopoly Every Time (and lose your friends…every time)" offers a tongue-in-cheek strategy for dominating the classic board game. It advises readers to exploit the limited number of houses by never buying hotels, to prioritize obtaining the orange and red property sets due to their high landing probability, to rapidly build three houses on these properties for maximum rent profit, and to leverage jail time to collect rent without the risk of paying it. The author, Stephenie, intersperses the guide with humor and personal commentary, suggesting that the ruthless pursuit of victory in Monopoly may lead to social consequences.

Opinions

The author implies that many players engage in Monopoly for social interaction rather than to win, which contrasts with the strategic and unsociable approach recommended in the guide.
There is an underlying opinion that winning at Monopoly by any means necessary, including exploiting game mechanics, is more important than maintaining friendly relations with fellow players.
The article humorously suggests that the reader may end up alone, implying that the extreme focus on winning could be socially isolating.
The author endorses the orange and red property sets as the most advantageous, indicating a belief in the statistical likelihood of landing on these colors.
By advising readers to stay in jail, the author conveys an opinion that this often overlooked strategy is a key element in securing a Monopoly victory.
The guide is presented with a level of self-awareness, acknowledging that the strategies are ruthless and could be perceived as unsportsmanlike.
Stephenie lightly promotes her other content and various ways readers can support her work, suggesting a belief in the value of her writing and editorial services.

How To Win Monopoly Every Time (and lose your friends…every time)

The shortest guide to winning games and losing friends you’ll ever read

Photos by Zdeněk Macháček, Rudolfo Spott, and BP Miller on Unsplash

With the pandemic having no end in sight, let’s put an end to some low-hanging fruit, starting with a few friendships. And as we all know (or are about to find out), the quickest way to end a friendship is to kick their ass at Monopoly.

If you're serious about learning how to do this, the next few minutes will be a game changer. Who needs social distancing when no one wants to be around you in the first place?

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Introducing a modern banking version of the Monopoly game: the Ultimate Banking Edition. In this edition, Monopoly…

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HOW TO WIN MONOPOLY AND LOSE FRIENDS (not) By the Monopoly Guy

Gif taken from Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls

First of all, let’s be clear. A lot of people aren’t playing Monopoly to win. They’re not really playing for fun, either. Or at least their idea of fun isn’t quite the same as yours.

American Chopper meme with text by some lost internet soul (claim your prize at your leisure)

Your opponents (probably smart not to refer to them as your family for the next five minutes) want to form connections. Build teams. Get the purple cards because they really do look the best.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls [Blu-ray]

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, returns from a spiritual quest to investigate the disappearance of a rare white bat, the…

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You want to win. So while they negotiate their favorite pieces and labor for overpriced utilities, you follow these four steps to victory.

1) Creating a housing shortage instantly wins you the game

To do this, never buy hotels. There are a limited number of houses. Exploit this so no one else can build.

2) Buy/trade for the orange set

Then trade for red.

This gives you adjacent properties with the statistically most likely landed on color and property. If you get any other color properties, mortgage or trade them for red/orange.

3) Build three houses asap

The jump on rent from three to two is absurd.

4) Once all properties are purchased, stay in jail

You didn’t think winning would take a lot of work, did you?

Like I said, you’re playing to win. Everyone else is playing to play.

They may even laugh at you when you first go to jail. Especially when you stay there.

But then they’ll notice what you already know. You will continue to collect rent while in jail without any risk of being charged rent yourself.

THAT’S THAT

If you only follow 1+2, you will watch everyone bleed money until they are in jail and you run around the board risk free.

If you add 3+4, you’d better start making some new friends.

Not because you want any. Because no one else will play Monopoly with you anymore. And you play to win.

ADDITIONAL READING

While you’re enjoying your newfound solitude, may I recommend an article on the true crime story of McDonalds and the Monopoly Heist?

“How An Ex-Cop Rigged McDonald’s Monopoly” (offsite link)

AND NOW FOR…

SOMETHING FUN: Top Ten Vocal Feminization Videos

SOMETHING SERIOUS: A new name for A-N-X-I-E-T-Y

THE END (DAMN GIRL, THAT’S DARK)

Hi, it’s Stephenie!

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