How To Win Discussion Against Manipulators
Psychological manipulation is when one person uses another for their own benefit
It is very common for people who are more sensitive and emotional to be subject to manipulation.
Here below, I’m going to explain what needs to be done to detect manipulation and put a stop to it.
- Know Your Basic Human Rights
The most important step in dealing with someone who exposes you to psychological manipulation is to recognize the manipulation and to know your human rights.
You always have the right to defend yourself, as long as you do not harm others. So what are these basic human rights we are talking about?
Treating with respect,
Sharing your wishes, thoughts and feelings,
Setting your own priorities,
Being able to say “no” without feeling guilty,
Getting what you pay for
Having different opinions from others
Protecting yourself from physical, psychological and emotional dangers and Creating your own healthy, happy world
Remember that you have rights. These rights define your boundaries.
Unfortunately, every day we encounter many people around us who do not respect these rights.
Especially, psychological manipulators do their best to deny you these rights and to take advantage of you in their own interests.
At this point, what you should never forget is that you, and only you, are in control of your life.
- Keep Your Distance
One of the surest ways to detect a manipulator is to monitor its behaviour in different environments.
If a person takes on different characters in different environments, this indicates that he is prone to manipulation.
Manipulators can be overly polite to one person and the opposite to another.
If you notice that a person around you takes on different characters in different environments, be careful not to talk to that person unless it is absolutely necessary, and always keep your distance.
It is true that people who chronically manipulate those around them have very deep and complex problems, and it is not your job to try to change or save this person.
- Stop Making Things Personal and Blaming Yourself
Since the only purpose of manipulators is to use you for their own benefit, you can often blame yourself for not being able to satisfy that person and feel incomplete.
In these cases, you should remember that the issue is not your fault.
The aim of the other person is to try to monopolize their rights and freedoms by making them feel guilty.
Review your relationships with manipulators and ask yourself these questions:
Does he treat me with genuine respect?
Is this person’s expectations of me reasonable and normal?
Am I the only one giving in this relationship, or is it mutual?
Do I feel good while maintaining this relationship?
In line with the answers to these questions, you can understand whether the issue in your relationship is caused by you or the person in front of you.
- Shift The Focus To The Other Person By Asking Detailed Questions
Manipulators may have some requests from you, even these will usually be in the form of “command”.
To meet these “requests” you frequently have to go to great lengths to serve their purposes.
When they make a request that you think does not make sense to you, you can ask questions that examine this request and turn the focus to the manipulator.
Here are some examples of questions you might ask:
Does this really make sense to you?
Do you think this thing you want from me is fair?
Do I have a say in this matter?
Is this an order or a request?
What will I gain from this?
Do you really expect me to do this?
When you ask these questions, you hold up a mirror to the person in front of you and show him the irrationality of his requests.
If the manipulator has even a little self-awareness, he will give up on his wishes.
On the other hand, pathological manipulators (e.g. narcissists) will completely ignore these questions and continue to pressurize you to comply with their wishes.
If you encounter this situation, you can follow the next steps.
- Use the Time in Your Favour
Besides unreasonable and compulsive requests, manipulators often expect a quick response from you.
This is to increase the pressure and control over you (salespeople typically use this tactic as well).
In such cases, instead of immediately responding to the manipulator’s request, try to get away from its influence by using time in your favour.
You can dominate the situation by saying “I will think about it”.
Use the time you requested to make a detailed assessment of the situation.
As you review the advantages and disadvantages, decide if it would be better for you if you simply said “no” and passed.
In fact, most bullies tend to behave like this because they are violent themselves.
Although this is not an excuse, maybe when you meet a person of this character, you can try to help them by being careful not to compromise too much, or you can suggest someone help them.
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