Philosophy

How to See and Understand Life in A Healthy Dose of “Grey”

There is a hint of nihilism in the way we see life among the many shades of grey.

In the realm of social life, we ought to see that life is not black and white, we understand how terribly complex and nuanced most things are. As we grow older — if we put the time to sit and think — the reality of life will usually make us see and understand that most things are in-between shades of grey.

Seeing life in “grey” — or something called “grey-thinking” — means accepting life’s complexity as what it is, not labeling something neatly into our box of perception.

However, on a scale of “oh yeah it depends” to “oh yeah it depends because we see everything in its different forms since this is a multi-dimensional world with infinite possibilities which can’t be defined nor differentiated by a universal truth, the truth of grey-thinking is easier to grasp in theory than in practice.

I’ve seen many people interpret the grey areas of life unhealthily. They think of life as something that we may never fully understand.

“I mean, it’s life. Nothing is certain in this world.”

Yes, uncertainty is indeed a natural part of life. But if we’re not careful, this type of thinking may pawn a mood of gloom and a good deal of anxiety, enough to lead us to the conclusion that “it doesn’t matter”.

And thus, we may get trapped in a thought loop of:

Everything is grey → (because) nothing is certain → (then) it doesn’t matter → (because) everything is grey → and-so-forth.

There is a hint of nihilism in the grey statement — seeing things as meaningless because it doesn’t matter. As we know, nihilism itself is harmful and mistaken.

That’s why a healthy dose of “grey” is important. We can use quantitative and scale-based thinking — which isn’t really about math—that proposes the idea about “the dose makes the poison.”

And since we need some concrete information to function properly in society, as a self-proclaimed professional Grey Living Advocate, here I want to share how to see and understand life better in a healthy dose of “grey”.

Understanding grey-thinking

Grey-thinking sees all reality in life relatively on a continuum. There’s no right or wrong, good or bad — it all depends upon our perception.

People normally assume the meaning of grey-thinking from a morality point of view, believing that morality is contextual and situational: Black equals wrong, negative, or bad. White equals right, positive, or good. And grey equals all the possibilities between black and white.

Given the assumptions, it makes sense to see the world in grey rather than just in black and white, because there are no solutions without second-order consequences. There are very few black and white answers to our problems in life.

Use grey-thinking to understand situations better, not to avoid conclusions because “nothing matters”

As Earthlings, we humans possess cognitive abilities differently from other creatures. Our thinking is more complex than any other living being on this planet.

So when it comes to deciding or getting answers from a situation, we need to understand that saying “everything is grey” isn’t always true.

Sometimes, we’re not even sure of our own beliefs and would rather not decide at all when dealing with a hard situation — such as a dilemma or trade-off.

If this happens, we may use grey-thinking as an excuse to avoid understanding a situation that may seem merely black and white — leading us in the “nothing matters” loop. When we intend to choose between two options, we can break down the overall reasons for choosing and not choosing each option.

Even a moral dilemma has a grey side to it.

Be flexible, but keep it manageable

It’s good to see things from many different angles, but remember to keep it in a healthy dose of “grey”.

How many shades of grey are there? Well, there are not only “fifty shades of grey” out there, and surely not as many as “million shades of grey”.

On a computer screen, the RGB color model can show 256 different shades of grey. But does it mean this number is universal? Not really. Because in real life, the human eye can distinguish more than 500 shades of grey.

If we want to be more specific, we can refer to the X Window System’s definition of grey, which lists 101 different shades of this color.

It’s up to us to decide how many shades of grey are there, but things will be very difficult to understand if it’s too broad or narrow. When we think in terms of “millions” or “unlimited possibilities”, we couldn’t get a grasp of the reality because it’s hard to imagine the exact number.

We can choose one of those exact numbers to keep our point of view manageable but still flexible of other possibilities. It may remind us to not overthink a situation and stay focus on the subject matter.

Avoiding “black and white” thinking

Black and white thinking — also known as all-or-nothing thinking — is much preferable in our lives because it gives easily digestible answers.

For example: “Either capitalism is good or capitalism is bad” “Either college is useless or college is indispensable” “Either I get a high distinction in math test or I may as well just drop out”

This kind of mentality is easier because we just split our world neatly from the extremes side of one option to another. However, black and white thinking makes us miss seeing out on the true complexities of the world.

We can avoid black and white thinking by reframing our thinking. Acknowledge and accept that life is uncertain, so it’s okay to not know all the answers to everything all the time.

Another way is to avoid using absolute words like “always”, “every”, “must” — and rethink them as “sometimes”, “maybe”, or “likely”.

Grey-thinking is not easy, but black-and-white thinking can cause more negativity in our life

Even if we can healthily understand the greyness of life, unfortunately, the world we live in won’t just easily let us live in the grey.

Tests forced us to give definite answers — A, B, C, or D? This or that? Yes or no? How well we do at these determines our position in life.

No wonder we tend to choose simplicity-seeking because we over-simplify stimuli in our social worlds.

Practicing grey thinking is not easy, but keep in mind that sometimes we just need to step back and try to see the depths of something before saying anything.

I know, it’s much simpler to see someone as “lazy,” than to see someone as “less likely to be disinclined to activity or exertion on average compared with others.”

In the same way that it’s way easier to see a person as “narcissist,” than as “slightly above the mean on the narcissist dimension at times.”

These social labels and the concept of “black and white” thinking itself helped our ancestors make efficient social decisions, it helped them consort with others who were likely to help and support their families.

But the tendency to see things in polarities can cause more negativity in our life. If it becomes a habit, not only it can hurt our physical and mental health, sabotage our career, and disrupt our relationships, it can also limit our thinking and, as a result, limit our actions and reactions.

Final thoughts

Seeing life in “grey” can be understood as a continuum — a whole made up of many parts, ideas, or things. A way to do it is by assessing the scale of importance, measuring the effect, seeing both the good and bad while still understanding that there’s no universal answer to each situation in life.

It may be hard, confusing, and unpredictable to think in the shades of grey. But the social world is complex. Even if it’s difficult, the value of grey thinking can make a positive difference in our everyday life. We just have to practice it gradually, bit by bit.

Once we separate ourselves from “black and white” thinking, we will see and understand that the realities of life start to fit together properly.