avatarKingsley Asuamah

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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

How to Turn Murphy’s Law into Your Advantage

Be prepared.

Photo by Konstantin Shramchevsky on Unsplash

Murphy’s law states that “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” It is a pessimistic and cynical view of life, that implies that we are doomed to fail and suffer, no matter what we do. It is a law that many people dread and fear, and try to avoid or deny.

But is there a way we could use it as a tool and a guide, rather than a curse and a threat? What if we could turn Murphy’s law to our advantage?

Let me share with you some tips and strategies on how to do that. I will show you how to anticipate potential problems, prepare backup plans, and cope with unexpected situations. I will also show you how to use Murphy’s law as a source of motivation, inspiration, and learning. So let’s go.

Anticipate Potential Problems

The first step to turn Murphy’s law to your advantage is to anticipate potential problems in everything you do. This means that you need to think ahead and identify the possible risks, challenges, and obstacles that you might face in your plans and projects. You need to ask yourself questions like:

- What are the worst-case scenarios that could happen?

- What are the most likely scenarios that could happen?

- What are the factors and variables that could affect the outcome?

- What are the assumptions and dependencies that could be wrong or invalid?

Like a good project manager will tell you, by anticipating potential problems, you are not being paranoid or negative, but realistic and proactive. You are not trying to predict the future but to prepare for it. You are not trying to avoid problems, but to minimise them.

Prepare Backup Plans

The second step to turn Murphy’s law into your advantage is to prepare backup plans for every potential problem that you anticipate. This means that you need to think of alternative solutions and actions that you can take in case things don’t go as you expect them to. You need to ask yourself questions like:

- What are the best alternatives that I have?

- What are the resources and tools that I need?

- What are the steps and procedures that I need to follow?

- What are the criteria and indicators that I need to monitor?

By preparing backup plans, you are not being pessimistic or defeatist, but optimistic and resilient. You are not giving up on your original plan, but enhancing it. You are not creating problems, but solving them.

Cope with Unexpected Situations

The third step to turn Murphy’s law to your advantage is to cope with unexpected situations that might arise despite your anticipation and preparation. This means that you need to think on your feet and adapt to the changing circumstances that you encounter. You need to ask yourself questions like:

- What are the facts and data that I have?

- What are the goals and objectives that I have?

- What are the options and choices that I have?

- What are the consequences and implications that I have?

By coping with unexpected situations, you are not being reactive or passive, but active and flexible. You are not letting the situation control you, but controlling the situation. You are not being a victim, but a survivor.

Use Murphy’s Law as a Source of Motivation, Inspiration, and Learning

The fourth and final step to turn Murphy’s law to your advantage is to use it as a source of motivation, inspiration, and learning. This means that you need to see the positive side of every problem, challenge, and obstacle that you face. You need to ask yourself questions like:

- What can I learn from this experience?

- What can I improve from this experience?

- What can I appreciate from this experience?

- What can I share from this experience?

By using Murphy’s law as a source of motivation, inspiration, and learning, you are not being complacent or satisfied, but ambitious and curious. You are not repeating the same mistakes, but making new discoveries. You are not wasting your time, but investing it.

TL;DR

Murphy’s law states that “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” It is a law that many people fear and hate, but you can choose to embrace and love. You can choose to see it as a challenge and an opportunity, rather than a threat and a barrier. You can choose to turn it into your advantage.

You can do that by following these four steps:

- Anticipate potential problems in everything you do

- Prepare backup plans for every potential problem

- Cope with unexpected situations that might arise

- Use Murphy’s law as a source of motivation, inspiration, and learning

By doing that, you will not only overcome Murphy’s law but also leverage it. You will not only survive but also thrive. You will not only achieve your goals but also exceed them.

That’s how to turn Murphy’s law to your advantage.

Murphys Law
Preparation
Life Lessons
Self Improvement
Project Management
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