How to Transform Your Life With the Serenity Prayer

Follow the profound guidance from its simple message

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.~Reinhold Niebuhr

Serenity, acceptance, courage, and wisdom

I first heard the Serenity Prayer in an AA meeting. Because I drank over people, places, and things, it helped me stay sober one day at a time.

Because I’ve felt the need to control others’ behavior, I still use the Serenity Prayer in my recovery from codependency. I didn’t know its simple message would have such a profound effect on the rest of my life.

You can apply the Serenity Prayer to your relationships, work, family issues, or addictions. You can use it when you’re anxious, impatient, or angry.

We find the balance we seek when we follow its message. We change what we can and leave the rest.

How does it work?

God

Some of you consider God an entity you trust. They’re a loving God, and they guide you through life. There are those of you who don’t believe in that kind of God (or any) and might even consider it a bad word.

If you’re one to shudder at the word God, leave it out. You can still use the ideas without praying to a Deity.

We’re not in control over everything or everyone. The sun rising and setting is one of many things we can’t control. We’re not in charge of other people’s actions, the weather, and more. This is the first part of the prayer. We let our ego take a seat, as we allow intuition to lead.

Our intuitive sense or inner self is another way of accessing power. Intuition resides in all of us, and we can use it anytime.

I learned a few different names for God in AA meetings, but you’re free to choose your own.

Acronyms are popular in AA, including Group Of Drunks and Good Orderly Direction. My friend calls it the Great Omnipotent Doorknob. All you need to do is open the door.

My favorites names for my higher power are Great Out Doors, Great Spirit, and Source Energy. I connect with nature, indigenous cultures, and outer or inner space. This version of a god makes sense to me.

When there’s nowhere left to go, nothing left to do, ask for help from a Power greater than yourself. It’s worked for sobriety and healing my relationships. I ask for help when I’m out of options, or when I hit bottom. I ask for help when I know I can’t do it alone.

Atheists can stay clean and sober with 12-step support groups. Anyone can make the group their higher power. It works for many people who don’t want to follow a religious God. People need each other. If you’re not into calling on an unseen force, ask a friend to help you. You only need to be willing to accept help.

Willingness

First, you have to be willing to accept the situation as it is or change it. You also need to be open to the wisdom to know the difference. When you’re willing to keep an open mind, you’ll find peace. When you’re not worried about trying to control outcomes and results, you can access serenity.

If you’re not willing, ask for the willingness to be willing. The Universe will help you be willing when you’re ready.

When my ex was relapsing and causing wreckage in our home, I said the Serenity Prayer throughout the day. Even with my belief in unseen forces, I called on friends for support. I needed as much back-up as possible. I had a sponsor in both AA and Al-Anon, who I called every day. I was willing to go to any lengths to find serenity in the face of chaos.

Grant me the serenity

We’re asking for peace of mind, a calm, clear perspective of what we can and can’t change. Some days, this phrase is my short version. It reminds me peace is possible. I can be stubborn at times, and fighting isn’t necessary. If I want to stop fighting the impossible, I’ll need serenity. I ask for that first.

“We’ve stopped fighting everything and everyone.” — Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

When I was devastated by my ex’s behavior, I felt no peace until I could accept life on life’s terms. I couldn’t stop him from drinking, doing drugs, and acting out. I could control my responses and behavior, but never what he did or said. Acceptance gave me the relief and serenity I was seeking.

Accept what I can’t change

Acceptance is the answer to problems you can’t control. It’s often the hardest first step. That’s why you ask for help. When you can accept a person, place, or situation, you can move on to what you can control. Surrender usually rides along as a sidekick to acceptance, because letting go is the key to peace.

Acceptance isn’t about letting people walk over us. We get to discern when it’s wise to accept or not.

Courage to change what I can

When you can change things, you might need to drum up some courage to take action. Some of us are afraid to speak our minds and set boundaries. This part of the Serenity Prayer encourages us to ask for courage to take a stand, have those difficult conversations, or advocate for our needs.

Some behavior is unacceptable. It’s time to step up and make our voices heard. Speaking up for ourselves can be daunting, so we ask for the courage to change what we can.

Because I couldn’t reasonably communicate with this person, I piled his belongings onto our lawn. I had friends help me gather everything while he was out, who knows where. I couldn’t keep him sober, but I could set limits. After a few nights of homelessness, my ex went to a sober living house.

It took courage to kick him out and endure his angry reaction. Doing it forced him to find help and was healthy for my well-being. There were moments I regretted making such a bold move. But now I know it was the best decision at the time.

Wisdom to know the difference

Here’s when intuition, God, your higher power, shows you the difference between changing what you can and letting go of what you can’t. It’s simple. If you notice you’re trying to force an outcome or result, and it’s still not working, acceptance is your answer. You need to stop taking action and let go.

If you know you can change something, go for it. Set that boundary. Speak up. Make healthy choices for yourself.

I had a difficult time letting go of my relationship with my ex. I checked up on him, talked about him to mutual friends, and held onto old ideas for a long time. But what saved me from further heartache was knowing where he ended and I began.

Though I’m a work in progress, I allow others their process now.

I know when to speak up and when to refrain. My ex hasn’t spoken to me in over ten years. I’ve heard he’s been struggling. I reached out a few times, but have moved on without him.

A final word on the Serenity Prayer

There comes a time when we need to admit we’re powerless over other people. We often find a divine paradox within this space.

When we release our vice grip on a situation, miracles happen. We feel an inexplicable sense of peace. The other person is free to follow their unencumbered path.

“We intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.” — Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The Serenity Prayer encompasses the guidance and direction we humans desire. When we follow it, it’s like finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. We master acceptance and surrender. We can discern when to act and when to leave it alone. We find balance and freedom.

Related reads:

Let’s stay in touch. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Thanks for reading.