How to Transform a Medium Post into a News Break Post in Ten Easy Steps
Because That’s Where the Money Is.
(1) Change the title into something more click-baity. News Break readers aren’t into subtle or literary. You need to grab their attention, pronto!
(2) Jettison the subtitle. There are no subtitles on News Break.
(3) Purge the post of all swear words and blasphemy. Just one naughty word could get the piece rejected. Change all of the “damns” into “dangs, ” the “shits” into “shoots,” and so on.
(4) Replace all of the sex words with euphemisms. You can’t say “fuck” in a News Break post. You might not even be able to get away with “intercourse” or “intimacy.” (Although I once managed to sneak “get it on with” past the News Break Naughty Language Censor Bots.)
(5) Develop a go-to list of News Break “safe words” you can quickly replace forbidden words with so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you want to make a Medium post “News Break safe.” For instance? You can’t say “bullshit” on News Break. But you can say “malarkey.” You can’t say “cheater.” But you can say “homewrecker.”
(6) Except for when you can’t. Because another thing you need to know is that News Break isn’t consistent. One day, a word is kosher. The next day, it’s verboten. If you love a sentence but fear it’s too racy for the platform, try it and see what happens! “See What You Can Slip Past the News Break Censor Bots” is a fun game.
(7) Make your post local. Local is good. News Break LOVES local. Rewrite the post to include the name of your town and mention lots of local landmarks. If you live in Seattle? The Space Needle needs to make an appearance in every post, whether it belongs there or not.
(8) If your post is rejected? Don’t give up. Keep swapping out one word for another word and deleting words, phrases or paragraphs you suspect might be stopping the piece from making it onto the platform until it’s finally accepted. This can take half a dozen tries. (When in doubt? Throw in the Space Needle. It can’t hurt.)
(9) Trying to figure out which Medium post to recycle to News Break first? If it’s a choice between a high brow story and a low brow tale? Go low. News Break readers love a nice juicy story. (And it doesn’t have to be over 500 words. That’s just a myth.) Other popular topics include dogs, cats and disastrous relationships. (Although my most popular News Break Post ever was about a nun. Go figure.)
(10) Most important of all? Whatever you do, make sure to include the “Follow Me” widget at the end of every News Break post. That’s how you’ll grow your audience.
Good luck! Have fun on News Break! And one last word of advice — NEVER READ THE COMMENTS.
Writing Coach Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s ros with an “S,” not a “Z.”)
