How To Survive The Dark Side Of Corporate Life

7 lessons learned over 30 years and 10 tips, so you never get caught with your pants down.

In 2009 I was working on a coaching project with some of Sheryl Sandberg’s Ad Sense managers at Google's Mountain View campus when I looked around the room and realized I was the oldest guy there, fifty-eight at the time.

How the hell did this happen? Do all these young, intelligent millionaires notice too? Ah, yeah, they do.

Every sleeping insecurity about my age woke up at the same time.

I started dyeing my hair blond on the advice of my hairdresser. He said, don't go darker, go lighter. Darker on a man looks more desperate, not to mention ridiculous.

Right. Turn me into a blond, now, please.

It was clear — I'd crossed life's midpoint and was now a target for ads selling reverse mortgages, cremation packages, and cereal with extra fiber.

Yes, I was a bit desperate, and getting old wasn't something I wanted to fully accept at the time. So, I kept it at a distance for the next ten years — doing my best to look younger. Maybe it was because I was fighting off the inevitable or just uptight and insecure.

Or maybe it was because I was in corporate America and afraid of being ushered out the door in favor of younger human resources.

1. We are human resources.

There are many wonderful organizations in the world today, doing amazing things, run by people trying to do their best. The problems start when leadership is weak and gives lip service to all the espoused values. Then, things get out of whack fast.

When profits take precedence over people, something no one will admit when it's happening, people get treated not as people but simply as another resource, a human resource—terrible name, by the way.

When someone deems the resource has ceased to be useful, it is outsourced, or as it's often spun, "Tom has left the organization to pursue other opportunities."

I'll tell you what Tom is doing — he's signing up for unemployment and scrambling like crazy to find another job. Not to mention going to a shrink to get over the trauma of his whole life suddenly being turned upside down.

People forget that one critical job of human resources, or the people team, as it is sometimes called, is to protect the company from any legal trouble. Companies don't like getting sued and losing discrimination lawsuits. So they quietly settle for sizable amounts of money to stay out of court. One lost big lawsuit can sink a small company.

Human resources can be your friend, as long as you are in favor. However, when you fall out of favor, your friends in human resources quickly become the people trying to get you out the door, paying you the minimum of severance they can get away with.

They're not your friends anymore — they have a job to do, and it is to protect the company's assets. You are the problem on their desk that needs to quietly fade away as quickly as possible.

2. Unconscious biases are everywhere.

I've held senior leadership roles in three well-known performance improvement companies. Each company did its best to create environments of respect for diversity of all types. Still, it's almost impossible to shut down the unconscious biases running the show behind the scenes.

Some people were worse than others. They did and said things they shouldn't have.

I sat in meetings and listened to utter garbage come out of people's mouths who held the lives and careers of others in their hands.

"Oh, she's getting old, isn't she? I bet she's slowing down. Might be time for her to go." I heard those words spoken about one of my salespeople who was the same age as me.

Funny, the person that said that is long gone, fired like a torpedo off a submarine, and the salesperson? Still there. Humming away like there's no tomorrow. Energy? Got more than ever. Botox? Plenty of that too, and it's working just fine.

I hope she rocks on until she's seventy-five or more.

3. Image obsession.

I found corporate America to be obsessed with image, and sadly, many managers hire in their image — they look for people that look, think and act as they do. Eventually, they realize it, but not until they've filled up the team with clones of themselves. Not always the best strategy.

I fell victim to this for my first few years as a new manager, unaware I was doing it. Eventually, I saw the problem and then used a hiring process that helped eliminate or at least reduce any biases. After that, things seemed to go better until a new, younger leader came in, very concerned with image and cleaned house of anyone who didn't "look" the part.

Tragic. A lot of really good people hit the streets.

So, yes, this is why we try to look younger as we get older. We know we have to play the game because we're swimming in a shark tank, and we need all the anti-shark protection we can get.

4. You are replaceable at any time.

When I left my last full-time job, I was "retired" by those who wanted me gone. I got one of those "thank you for everything you have done for the company" email announcements that everyone knows is a polite way of saying don't let the door hit you on the way out.

I’d served my purpose. The previous five years were delightful and successful — I enjoyed my colleagues on the leadership team, and revenue grew exponentially.

However, the last nine months were a disaster. I was cleverly used during a period of organizational transition, and when particular objectives were achieved, I was unceremoniously given the proverbial boot right out the door.

It took nine months to get rid of all the stress, anxiety, and trauma. Overly identified with my job, I had to detangle myself. I know plenty of others who had the same experience as I did.

I felt like a disposable lighter — I served my purpose, and then I was tossed away in favor of a newer, younger, and less expensive model.

And, let me balance this by saying I’m grateful for all the jobs I’ve held. But, sometimes, it’s time to go and move on. My issue is not what’s done when people need to leave the business, my issue is how it’s done. The lack of humanity and empathy is often astounding.

5. When you swim with sharks, you are likely to become one.

I tried hard not to get sucked into organizational politics and game-playing. However, if you wind up in senior management, you’re are responsible for making your boss look good, and if the boss is the CEO or an executive team member and they want somebody fired, you either do it or resign.

I joined a well-known firm as a sales leader mid-way through my career. I had the first meeting with my new boss, the senior VP of sales. After a few niceties, he closed the door and told me the first thing he wanted me to do was fire a particular salesperson.

A few weeks later, with as much care as I could, I showed her the way out.

I behaved like a shark.

6. Beware of the shadow of the organization.

Most of us have parts of ourselves we keep on a short leash — our wounds, and childhood traumas that inform our attitudes, values, beliefs, and biases. These wounds are our shadow and they don’t heal up by ignoring or pretending they don't exist — that just makes them stronger.

They follow us around wherever we go until we bring them into the light and deal with them.

Organizations are made up of many people and therefore are a collection of everyone’s shadows. The more dysfunctional an organization, the bigger the shadow. Lots of pressure and stress in the organization? Lots of passive-aggressive and other strange behavior shows up.

Here's an example of an organizational shadow I experienced.

I was part of a company that put incredible effort into promoting a people-focused culture where you could bring your whole self to work.

The problem was when you got below the surface, they treated people poorly, and the churn in and out the door was horrendous. There was a lot of talk and good intentions, but it was all about the money in reality. People first? Nope. Money first, people second.

All organizational dysfunction starts at the top of the house, and in this instance, there was plenty of it up there.

7. Functions can cause friction.

Most organizations consist of departments and functions, often operating like mini kingdoms. Sales, finance, engineering, legal. Silos.

Separate entities with distinct goals and objectives. On the one hand, all well and good, but way too often, organizations get paralyzed by internal bickering between functions.

I've seen politics and backstabbing on almost every executive team I've either been on or worked with, and it was because people were protecting their all-important functional kingdom.

Functions play right into people doing anything to make their team look good, often at the expense of other functions and teams. Sales and marketing clash. Legal and operations disagree. The amount of time wasted because of internal b.s. is staggering.

Most key performance indicators incent individual and functional success. Unfortunately, it’s a rare organization that has cracked the code on integrating company-wide and functional incentives.

The friction at the top ultimately emerges in behaviors throughout the organization that are anything but polite, kind, or loving.

When we get lost in our functional silos, we easily miss the answer to a critical question in any organization— what's everyone's job?

To help the team win.

The takeaway tips.

1. When you take a job, at least in America, go in with your eyes wide open. You are expendable. You can be fired any time, without cause. If you're in Europe, the employee has a hell of a lot more leverage after your initial trial period. In America, the company is king. Don't ever forget it.
2. There is a game to be played in corporate life. Figure out the rules, what's important, who the big dogs are, and what they want.
3. If you want to do well, crush your goals. Build strong relationships. Don't gossip and talk behind people's backs. Don't overshare about your personal life. Anything can be used against you if and when the shit hits the fan.
4. Make your boss look good. That's one-half of your job. The other half is delivering on expectations.
5. You will be judged by how you look, say, do, and who you hang out with.
6. Make sure you have a life outside of work. I know too many workaholics who retired and have nothing, and I mean nothing to do. No hobbies, no interests. Guess what happens when they stop working full-time? They're miserable.
7. Do your best to understand the dynamics at the top of the house. Whatever goes on there influences everything else.
8. No organization is perfect. Accept what you can’t change and don't expect too much.
9. People aren't perfect. Just because someone has a big title doesn't mean they are enlightened. They're human and hopefully doing the best they can.
10. Take care of yourself and remember, you're a free agent. Keep the resume up to date, know your worth in the market and consistently build your network.
11. Bonus tip: Set yourself apart by behaving with the highest integrity, no matter what the sharks are doing.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like 10 Things You Don’t Need In Your Life.

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