How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over on Dating Apps
I recently poured my emo heart into a story about a girl I was crazy about for years. It was cathartic to write about but at the same time, I was shaking my head.
It was so immature — hard to believe I got swept away by someone that was so bad for me.
Sometimes all it takes is for someone you find attractive to show some interest in you for you to lose your head a little. The emotion floods your body and logic goes out the window. We’ve all done it… the emotion can be too strong for you to think rationally.
Thankfully, I haven’t made this mistake for a few years now thanks to listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, episode #1369 with Christopher Ryan, PhD — a psychologist, speaker, and author of Sex at Dawn.
It was one of those moments where the right message found me at the right time. What Christopher said was simple — something that I already knew — but failed to take to heart, many times in my life.
“There’s attraction, there’s compatibility, and there’s love.” — Christopher Ryan
Attraction is easy to find. Walk around a city for a few hours and you’ll walk past hundreds of people that you find attractive.
Love isn’t so hard to find. Date someone, have fun nights out together, make each other laugh, have sex, pillow talk, see them care for you and their loved ones and you’ll start to love them soon enough.
And then there’s compatibility… you’re highly attracted to them and you love them (or can see yourself falling in love with them). But are you compatible?
By far, this is the one that I’ve struggled with the most and I see others struggle with too.
Do you love to go out drinking but they like staying home?
Are you a minimalist but they are materialistic with expensive taste?
Do you love dark, abrasive humour but they absolutely hate it?
Do they go to the gym every day but the gym couldn’t pay you to go once?
You aren’t going to agree on everything but there are some things that will make a relationship extremely difficult for you both.
Do you really want to invest time and “catch feelings” for someone who you keep clashing with?
So are you compatible?
I kept making this mistake on dating apps. Every time I saw someone I was really attracted to, I would send them a “like”. But I knew from a quick glance at her profile that this was not the person for me.
But still… I sent the like and ended up wasting my time. Whether we chatted online or met up for a few dates — we both didn't get what we were looking for.
Attraction and love can be so powerful that you will ignore compatibility at first — but be careful of doing that. Because it’s not going to last very long if you’re not compatible.
Why waste each other’s time?
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