How to Spot a Manipulative Person Even If You Are Deeply in Love
Knowing the signs will give you the strength to deal with these people.
You know when a loved one asks you for a favor and you immediately say ‘yes’ without thinking about it?
Sometimes, we end up regretting our decision but we can’t tell why we said yes in the first place.
So why do we say yes so quickly? Is it because we love them? Or is it because of how they frame their request?
Most times this happens when we are dealing with a manipulative person. These are people who never learned boundaries from an early age. People that got used to getting what they want by being too pushy.
Some of them learned to be manipulative from their parent. For example, if a child has a narcissistic mother and a codependent father. Whenever his mother cunningly requested anything from his father, the man often caves in.
Manipulative people think about one thing and one thing only: how to benefit themselves. They give little to no thought as to how their behavior affects others.
The one thing that stands out about manipulative people is that they are extremely insecure. They have fragile egos. So when you say no to them, you are bruising their ego because they never learned to accept a ‘no’ for an answer.
They just want to want what they want, when they want it.
Being in a relationship with a manipulative person can be frustrating. Because you will be forced to break your boundaries each time they want something.
Sometimes they use your vulnerability against you to get what they want. And when they don’t get what they asked of you, they can turn violent, or start threatening you and the people you love.
But when you begin to love yourself, you will be able to know when someone is using you for their own selfishness.
If you want to protect yourself from a manipulative person, you will have to spot the tactics they use in their mind games.
To do so, here are the six most common phrases manipulators use to get what they want.
1. “I don’t want to argue.”
Ask yourself, why does he raise confusion and suddenly back out of the conversation?
That is because he knows there is no point in arguing something he is sure to win.
When he says “I don’t want a fight’ or ‘I don’t want to argue,’ it means you should stop talking because you are embarrassing yourself.
Manipulators use this tact to make you feel guilty for calling them out or to avoid making them look bad in front of others.
2. “You are being ridiculous.”
Imagine you just caught him doing something he promised he would never do, and instead of admitting his mistake and explaining why he did it, he throws the guilty card on you.
He makes you the crazy person. Whatever you think your know or saw is all in your mind.
Manipulative people do this to avoid coming clean. They think by admitting what they did, they look weak.
To a manipulator “you’re being ridiculous means ‘it’s not as bad as you think and feel it is.’
Even if you are overreacting, in this sense, it’s a positive development. It’s a positive reaction because you’re rationalizing.
You are refusing the psychological tricks that manipulators often use to get their way.
If your gut is telling you something isn’t right, he should respectfully give you the chance to have a discussion over the matter than throwing a half-baked response at you.
3. “You are being unreasonable.”
If there is one thing manipulation aren’t is reasonable. Don’t ever fool yourself that they know how to negotiate fairly.
If a manipulator isn’t cheating their way to you, they are intimidating you to get what they want. Does that sound like someone who abides by fairness?
I don’t think so.
“Fairness” isn’t an attribute that manipulators embody. They couldn’t care less about how fair or unfair they are.
They care about what they can get from others, regardless of the magnitude of pain they may inflict, which is often severe.
4. “If you leave, I will kill myself.”
My narcissistic ex always used this card on me. I thought he loved me too much so I cave into his demands when he threatens to kill himself.
The problem is they love themselves too much to even consider ending their life by themselves.
Don’t fall for his threats because it’s a manipulative way to keep you soaked deep into their mind game.
If your partner says this to you, they are making sure you feel like you don’t have a choice. You have to stay or you will be responsible for a tragedy.
5. “See what you made me do.”
How is it your fault? You asked.
Well, it’s not. He’s at his games again.
When a manipulator uses this tact, he’s invariably saying ‘my behavior is merely a response to your abusive actions.’
It is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to make sense of a manipulative person. Impossible because manipulation is not reasonable behavior.
It is irrational, abnormal, and extremely offensive. A person who truly cares and loves someone does not transfer their guilt or shame on them.
6.” I was just joking”
He just said you snore like a pig. You are offended and rightfully so.
But he doesn’t apologize. Instead, he calls an insult a joke. How rude?
Manipulators easily get away with rude habits by passing them off as jokes or sarcasm.
When they use this card it means ‘it’s a joke when you call me out on it, otherwise it’s not a joke.’ They mean every word they say.
Jokes are not intended to offend someone. If you are not laughing at what he said, then he should apologize and not try to cover up how disrespectful he was to you.
What you should do when you are being manipulated
Manipulation is a form of mind control: the use of emotional and psychological tactics to change or alter a person’s outlook or behavior in a deceptive, deceptive, or abusive way.
The first step in dealing with a manipulator is to have a clearly defined limit of what you can and cannot tolerate from your partner.
Creating a solid boundary plan is important in any relationship, especially where other people are regularly pushing your boundaries.
Second, be willing to walk away if they don’t change. If your partner is willing to respect your boundaries and meet you from a place of mutual respect and commitment, the relationship can thrive, as long as you both avoid repeated toxic behaviors that trigger old patterns.
Take time to observe your behavior and that of your partner. If you are confused about your observations, ask your friends or a therapist to help you figure out their actions.
Often, we know in the back of our minds when we are being manipulated, when something seems to be wrong, but we put that feeling aside when it comes because we are motivated to continue the relationship.
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