How To Reframe Online Hate Into Growth
Four negative experiences that can actually be writer milestones
A few days ago, I read Tom Kuegler’s post on Substack. He said writing was like being in a fight.
It’s throwing a punch — in the form of words, articles, and ideas — not knowing if it will resonate with anyone.
He compares being in a fight and writing online by saying that it’s like getting hit repeatedly with rejections, negative comments, etc.
He’s 100% right.
Why?
Because writing online is exactly like knowingly signing up to get pummeled repeatedly.
Except that a fight in his comparison takes place in a literal arena, and writing online happens across multiple channels on the internet.
You win, or you lose, and then leave the ring.
Writing online never lets you leave the ring.
One misinterpretation by one reader who shares your words on Facebook becomes a mental health nightmare.
One chalky-tasting haterade comment in all caps can tank your productivity for days.
One rejection can make you believe you’re a failure.
It takes literal guts to return to an empty computer screen repeatedly.
In my creative writing community (also over on Substack, I’d love to have you!), the most common stuff I hear from writers is that they’re afraid.
Afraid of the negative comments, the online hate, of losing control of their words via misinterpretation. Afraid of sharing vulnerability via words.
It’s fair to be afraid. Nobody who does this is immune from this feeling. At least, not if they’re a real human anyway.
In the three years since I became an online content writer, I can tell you that you will face negativity, no matter how hard you try not to. People will come at you for all kinds of reasons — most of them are illogical.
I can’t claim the writing fame as Tom can, but here’s what I know about reframing online hate into writing growth.
The anatomy of negativity
You'll know what I mean if you have written anything online. Here’s how it goes…
Pour hours of research into a piece. Spend a week writing, editing, and formatting. Submit to a publication, only to have it rejected without knowing why.
Or
The piece is accepted/self-published. You refresh the stats (or your email) page every few hours until that first notification pops up.
It's only to discover that it’s a negative comment screaming at you in all caps because the reader misinterpreted what you said. They called you ugly names, cursed at you, or wrote a nasty rebuttal piece.
All of this flat-out sucks. It sucks to get the notification and open it up only to discover that someone has slammed you in all caps. It sucks to get rejected. It sucks to feel rejected.
But online negativity can be broken down into a couple of things:
- Jealousy
- Projection
- Misinterpretation
- A bot
- Lack of communication skills
- Plain nastiness
The reader was jealous of the success you wrote about or an experience you had.
The hateful commenter projected how your words made them feel onto you instead of having the ability to disagree respectfully or simply move on.
The commenter misinterpreted your words and didn’t know how to ask for clarification kindly. This often stems from a lack of communication skills. To be fair, American society sucks at communicating effectively in general. So, it stands to reason that the way this manifests in online spaces is typically nasty.
Often, misinterpretation leads to projection that comes out in the form of:
- Negative comment
- Rebuttal piece
- Being told to screw off in bold font
- Social media post with a scathing write up about your piece
How can this be reframed into growth?
By understanding what drives a person to be extra hateful online in the first place.
If you can see when someone is projecting, the hit of the hate can’t sting as much.
If you can see that someone wrote an unkind rebuttal piece about you because of your words, you’ll see someone is hurting, jealous, etc.
If you can see that someone simply lacks communication skills, you can ignore the name-calling.
And the real trick at reframing this into growth is that no one could have a hateful opinion of you if:
a. Your pieces weren’t published b. No one was reading your work c. Your audience wasn’t growing d. You weren’t writing at all
Nobody who’s ever published anything anywhere is saved a negative opinion. True when hieroglyphics were the medium and true today, still.
Sometimes, a negative comment allows you to identify the pain points. Besides internet fluff like how to make a small apartment feel bigger, pain point stories can make the most money.
And, pain points, when reframed, can and will help you grow as a writer.
If you can look back at these negative experiences and see milestones, you’ll see growth all the way around.
Writing online is like being in a fight, just like Tom said. It takes a lot of guts to get back up, keep writing, and still know that you aren’t exempt from other folks being hateful.
If you’re looking for a community of real writers that focuses on tapping into creativity and how to write online (or at all), join us here for free. You’ll get writing tips I don’t see anywhere else, creative prompts, and kind feedback to help you grow.
