How to Overcome Pornography Addiction — Disastrous Psychological Effects of Long-Term Pornography Use
Use this 3 pronged action plan to release yourself from this life-destroying problem
I didn’t think watching porn was an issue for me but the way they spoke to me after the meeting I felt like a leper.
I attended a men’s group and I mentioned I watched porn. With so many men responding to me in such a way like I had a porn addiction I thought it worth an honest investigation.
Thankfully they were right.
Long-term (even short-term) consumption of pornography may be having a negative influence on your life.
Are you experiencing edgy anxiety?
Do you have this looming darkness marked by a sadness that rarely leaves?
Do you know inside yourself that your porn consumption isn’t good for you but cannot give it up?
You think the problem is watching pornography and the associated negative emotions. But these things aren’t the real problem. They are merely symptoms of larger underlying issues.
Pull the suggested levers below for your pornography consumption to fall away by itself and your negative emotions will be replaced with positive expansive feelings.
#1. What feelings come up with long-term porn use
A large number of studies have investigated feelings that may be associated with long-term pornography consumption.
Why do I feel so alone — Isolation
Isolation is defined as:
the condition of being alone, especially when this makes you feel unhappy —Cambridge Dictionary
By its nature pornography is generally (not always) watched by yourself in isolation. The opportunity for social interaction is lost.
When you sit by yourself in front of the computer screen it sets the scene for loneliness.
Experience of disconnect from others — loneliness
A study was conducted by Vicent Cyrus Yogder, Thomas B. Birden III, and Kiren Amin (2005) on Internet pornography and loneliness. Results showed a significant association between Internet pornography usage and loneliness.
Loneliness is suffering from a sense of disconnection.
When you watch pornography there is a sense of dissociation that already exists within yourself. Porn consumption not only keeps that suffering of loneliness in place it exacerbates the feeling.
In that, by watching it you feel worse after its consumption based on a loss of vital energy from ejaculation, self-criticism from doing an activity that is considered wrong and taboo, and from watching an activity that is for the most part a frenzied act of violence.
This self-perpetuated layer after layer of experiencing suffering can send you to a dark place.
The black dog — Depression
Depression is marked by sadness, a sense of despair, a loss of energy, and difficulty in managing your daily life.
I know when my porn consumption was at its peak. There was a general low pervasive mood that dominated my life. The peak experience during that period was only porn. It was the only burst of ‘happiness’ in my life.
However, like any addiction after you do it you either go back to feeling like shit or you feel worse. I was always later but still could never stop.
Anxiety
When I was out in the world I was on high alert.
Anxiety, my old friend, was the surface experience of all the above emotions. Anxiety impedes you from feeling those underlying emotions.
From anxiety flooding into your system, then maladaptive behaviors come out on show depending on who you are around. For example, when I am confronted by a dominating boss, I would experience fear but because it was so overwhelming I would get anxious and I would go silent, withdraw and not assert my boundaries.
They examined the relationship between internet porn consumption and the avoidance of feeling your own emotions or life experiences. The study found a relationship between a significant increase in the psychosocial variable (anxiety) and porn consumption. And more interesting that this problem was related to a much greater problem.
#2. Your path to freedom
The issue with your pornography addiction is not pornography. These negative emotions are not the problem either. I know you think porn is the problem but it ain’t.
There are underlying issues that need to be addressed as to why you use pornography.
This 3 pronged method will go a long way to assisting in elevating your general well-being.
Create a Lifestyle
When my life was flying. When I was content and life was flowing in a positive direction. My pornography consumption was either nil or close to it. It didn’t even come to mind to watch that crap.
My work was going great, promotions were coming in. I was teaching yoga and running a few times a week. I was in a relationship. My sex life was fulfilling, with an intimate connection with my partner. I was going away sometimes on weekends and holidays. Spending time out in nature either camping or going for hikes. I filled my brain with great books and stimulating conversations.
Instead of allowing those dominant negative emotions to arise within you. Be proactive. Create a wonderful and exciting lifestyle.
How do you do that?
Do the things you like or love. Doing these activities will slowly build your perfect lifestyle over time.
It’s not that problems will not occur but when they do your general well-being is high, so if something does go wrong it’s not the end of the day. As your attention is spread across several things in your life.
More importantly, you will not fall back into watching pornography.
Judge Judy — Self-judgment
Undercut the problem by stopping the self-judgment.
This is a more subtle type of practice to use. Tread softly with yourself.
A shift in focus is required to find where the problem of pornography is located. While there are outside influences on what type of porn and the amount you consume, the problem sits within yourself.
Judgment of yourself that porn consumption is wrong goes a long way in perpetuating your porn consumption issue. Self-judgment on watching pornography allows unhappiness to come up. Due to feeling unhappy from the self-judgment you watch and consume more pornography. It’s a circular problem, like a hamster on the wheel.
Recently I stopped judging myself for not doing my morning yoga practice every day. This was extremely hard as I had been doing yoga in the mornings 4–6 days a week very consistently for 17 years.
When the self-judgment thought came up about not doing yoga in the morning, I acknowledged the thought and the feeling. Then mentally said to myself (softly) I am not going to do yoga this morning and then I would let the thoughts and feelings float by.
I found tension released in my body. The self-critical thoughts either stopped completely or were coming in a lot less. I am no longer doing yoga everyday morning. I am now doing it a few times a week at night without any self-created pressure.
Stop self-criticism from judging yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Managing sexual energy
When you allow your thoughts to run towards sex then you get horny. This feeling consumes your being like an all-consuming internal fire. You think only about watching some dirty-ass pornography.
Learn to manage your arousal level and sexual energy. When your sexual energy doesn’t arise or you manage it maturely then the desire for watching porn doesn’t even arise as you aren’t aroused. And if you are, you can regulate the sexual energy in such a way that it decreases.
When your sexual arousal level is lower you are less likely to watch internet pornography.
Final thoughts
Turn your head towards a fulfilling life and what doesn’t serve you will naturally fall away.
Put back inside yourself what is missing, instead of focusing on fixing a problem.
Allow yourself to dream big and work towards those dreams. Aim and work towards that fulfilling upper management job. Building friendships and connecting in a healthy fun manner with new friends and your family is life-changing.
Shift your perception and a whole world that is existing right in front of you will then be visible.
