Relationships | Mental Health
How To Move Toward Your Desired Life
Let Go Of Your Old Debris
Relationships can be the purest form of communion.
Most of us don’t experience this because of the friction and upsets that lie between us.
When we’re triggered by something that happens we often blame the other person. Far too often we think that they’re at fault.
That’s never the case.
It is always the debris that you’ve brought into the relationship that is causing the problem.
It’s always your own shit.
Projection is rampant. It’s so easy to say ‘you’re the cause of the problem’.
It’s not them. It’s how you’re functioning in the relationship.
Our orientation is often a big part of it. People can choose so many different ways to orient themselves.
They can play the victim, behaving, and acting as if they still live in the past. It’s as if they’re still sitting in the cafeteria in high school, looking over at the table where the cool kids sit.
They behave as if they’re still living with their ex-partner. They don’t recognize they’re dragging that situation from the past into their present life.
You packed up that debris and brought it with you.
Now you’re blaming it for your current situation.
Judgment is often the ingredient that creates the drama.
You can have a relationship without drama. First, you have to believe it’s possible.
If you have only ever experienced relationships where people use judgment to make each other wrong, it is hard to imagine another way.
Often, we expect someone else to change or fix things so you can feel better. If you ask for change and make the other person wrong, that’s judgment.
Judgment creates separation in relationships.
If you genuinely desire change and don’t know what to change, have a look at what you complain about the most.
If you make one thing different in the relationship, what would it look like? Look at what is underneath all of that complaining and you might find a possibility that you’ve been missing.
Make a choice that moves you in the direction of that possibility.
Step by step, you will move toward what you desire.
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