Relationships | Mindfulness | Mental Health
A Mirror, Some Debris, and My Beliefs
Show me what I need to know.
In life, our orientation is often reflected back to us. We can see it when we judge others.
Our projections reveal our orientation.
Projections are an expression of what’s inside of you. Whatever you project out and on others is a reflection of one part of your inner self.
It’s a lot like looking at your reflection in a mirror. The projection mirror reflects the judgments and labels you carry inside of you.
There are different kinds of projections:
Conclusion projections are when you take your past experiences and project them on someone. You assume they will behave the same way you behaved in the past.
Debris projections are when you project something from your own debris on someone else.
Belief projections are when you expect people to have the same standards or beliefs that you do. Have you ever believed that just because you were honest, everyone else should be honest?
Do you believe that people should keep their word or that they should be on time for an appointment? These are all belief projections.
I used to be devastated when people didn’t mirror my belief projections back to me. When they didn’t believe what I thought they should believe, it was a huge disappointment.
But that’s ridiculous, right?
Projections are like expectations. You aren’t satisfied with expecting yourself to meet a certain standard, you feel that everyone else has to meet the standard as well. Then you’re disappointed. Sometimes that turns you into a superiority bitch, as you point out all the ways people aren’t doing what you think they should.
People aren’t the same.
We don’t believe the same things and we aren’t going to react the same way to events in life.
Projections can be assumptions. I had a friend who had a lot of drama in her life. She said she was ok with how it made her feel. I had assumed the drama would make her unhappy because of who I thought she was. I also assumed she wouldn’t like it because I don’t like drama.
I assumed if I didn’t like drama, she wouldn’t either. After all, we were friends, right?
If someone projects their expectations on you, it doesn’t mean you have to meet them. I love it when people are exactly who they are.
They show up as themselves, in every situation and they don’t change themselves to meet someone else’s projection. They aren’t afraid to say — I’m not going to change for you.
Projection creates separation. When you project your beliefs, you assume your beliefs are correct. You are assuming that they are the right ones.
As soon as you start assigning the values of right and wrong to something, there’s judgment, which creates separation. Saying “my version of God is more right than yours” is a projection. We all see what kind of separation that projection creates in the world today.
I am entertained by the extremes that people will go to when they try to validate their projection. They try to prove their beliefs are real and right for everyone. It’s exhausting and it’s a recipe for misery. You will never succeed in persuading everyone that your way is the only right way.
It is interesting to watch a group of people toss their projections onto each other.
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
The more projections that float around a room, the more they reveal what is hidden. It’s hysterical to see the extent that people will go to avoid seeing the elephant in the room, let alone see the shit it just dropped.
If you notice a projection, or you feel you want to make someone wrong, pause and take a moment. Before you go into the trauma and drama of what you are projecting, realize that it’s all about you.
Wanting to make something wrong is a clue to look inside.
When the urge to make someone wrong comes up in a relationship that you want to nurture, recognize that something else is going on.
Get off your autopilot and get curious. The real story is not about them, it’s always about your debris. Don’t start judging yourself or the other person. That will create separation in your relationship. It can also separate you from yourself when you make yourself wrong for what you did.
Are you going to judge the mirror of projection or are you going to allow it to reveal what's inside of you?
When it comes up, ask yourself -”Show me what I need to know”. You may be surprised what is revealed.
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