How To Live Your Dream: Stop Doing Stupid Things
Improve your life by subtraction, not addition.
How can you create the life you’re dreaming of? Chances are you’ve asked yourself the same question. And chances are, you’ve come up with a ton of clever ways that will get you there.
Buy great online courses and books to educate yourself. Learn to invest smartly and make your money work for you. Pick the perfect career that will not only earn you six figures but also catapult you out of bed in the morning, thriving with energy and dedication. Choose the perfect partner who accepts you as you are, supports you on your journey, and lets you have mind-blowing sex every night.
Sure, all of this will pave the way to a marvelous life. But how big are the chances it all turns out exactly like that? Education takes time, careers take skills, and relationships take effort.
Do you know what comes for free and improves your life even more?
Not doing stupid stuff.
The question you should ask yourself isn’t so much “What can I do to build a great life?”
Instead, ask yourself “What stupid things am I doing that waste my time and energy, slow my progress, and keep me from achieving my dreams?”
The Negativity Bias
The stupid things you don’t do have a much bigger impact on your success and wellbeing than the smart ones you do.
This is due to the way our brain works, also known as the Negativity Bias in psychology. Negative things have a greater impact on your psychological state than positive ones, even if they are of the same intensity. Losing $100 will sour your mood more than finding $100 will sweeten it.
So how does this play out in your life? There are two factors that come together.
Coffee mug or chocolate bar?
In a study, participants who were given a coffee mug were only willing to sell it for about twice the amount they would’ve been willing to pay. In another study, researchers handed out either a coffee mug or a chocolate bar to participants and then asked them to swap it for the other item. No matter which item they got first, they were unwilling to trade it in.
For us humans, it’s hard to let go of something we already have. It’s known as the endowment effect, and it’s why doing stupid things hurts you so much.
Being super healthy is cool, but not being healthy is devastating. You’re used to having a healthy body. When you wreck it in an accident, develop cancer from smoking, or become so fat you can’t walk a flight of stairs without catching your breath it will make you incredibly miserable.
Having money is fine, but not having money is crippling. You’re used to getting by. If you lose all your shekels through a failed investment and have to live on friends’ couches, collect food stamps, or pass on all the cool activities your buddies go and do, you’ll be down in the dumps.
Losing what you have throws you down much further than gaining something new will lift you up.
Things are quicker destroyed than built
In 2016, I got my motorbike license. It took me a full summer of working to earn the money for the license and bike and another three months of taking lessons. Then I spent some weeks buying gear, sifting through ads, picking up a bike, and having it registered and insured. In total, the whole process took almost a year.
Taking a corner with too much speed and wrecking it was done in about two seconds.
Things are much quicker destroyed than built. That’s why the downside potential of stupid actions is so much larger than the upside one of smart moves.
Creating a healthy body will take you years of exercise and healthy eating, but you can cripple it in an instant by stepping onto the street without looking.
It will take you years of thriftiness to grow your savings, but you can lose it all with one stupid investment.
Building trust with your partner takes years, but you can cheat on them in a single night.
When you do something stupid, you don’t only put what you have at stake. You also risk all the time, energy, and resources you invested to achieve it.
Does This Mean You Shouldn’t Take Risks?
I’m definitely, absolutely, 100 percent not saying you should strive to live risk-free. It’s boring. You’ll miss out on tons of amazing experiences, and you’ll regret what you haven’t done more than what you have. In the end, life will throw you curveballs anyway, so you might as well embrace them. Even if you get through unharmed, there’s no point in living just so you can make it to death safely.
But the next time you strive for something, ask yourself:
Do I really have to put in the extra effort and brains, or could I achieve the same goal by not sabotaging myself with stupid things?
Trying to lose weight? You don’t have to work out for hours every day — stop mindlessly shoveling fast food into your mouth.
Want to get rich? Making $50 through interest takes time and a significant amount of capital to begin with. The same amount can be saved in a single night by cooking at home instead of eating out.
Long for a great relationship? You don’t have to find your soulmate — which by the way, doesn’t exist. But you’ll do yourself a huge favor if you don’t commit to someone who doesn’t feel right because you’re lonely right now or they’re “good enough.”
In life, dodging bullets is far more important than hitting bull’s eye yourself. It doesn’t sound as sexy, enticing, or promising — but it works.
You don’t always have to go to great lengths to achieve more. Make it easy for yourself and do fewer stupid things instead.
As Charlie Munger, billionaire investor and partner to Warren Buffet, put it:
“It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.”
I help men connect with their masculinity, create a meaningful life, and build better relationships by being more authentic. Sign up for my free 5-minute newsletter and become part of The Authentic Man tribe!
Do you know what’s stupid? Dying before it’s time. Yet, we all do it.