How to Know If You’re in Love with Someone You Met on Grindr
Love can happen, but he isn’t the one yet.
Tired from my photoshoot, I decided to check out Grindr to chat or, if I get lucky, to hook up with some guy.
Oh, did I say luck? What does it say about my love or sex life? Everything is now based on luck, a flip of the coin. I am not complaining. I don’t see myself being in a serious relationship anytime soon.
I always say, Love happens and that I will never give up on love.
So when a friend asked me recently, How do I know If I am in love? I thought long and hard to come up with answers.
While there are many signs of love and attraction, ranging from the physical and psychological to the emotional and spiritual, it’s also important to note that being in love is not just a single experience.
People can and do fall in love multiple times throughout their lives — with a different person each time. But how do you know if you’re really in love?
I have 5 signs for you.
1. Physical attraction
Physical attraction is a powerful thing.
It’s the first thing you notice about a person, and it can also be the determining factor in whether you click with someone. For example, if you don’t find someone attractive, you won’t even bother to know them.
I am not picky, I know what you are thinking but I go to Grindr for hookups not for love, although my last boyfriend was someone I met on the dating app. When I met this guy recently, at first I wasn’t physically attracted, but it was in his actions, the way he looked at me, the way he touched me and the way he kissed me. It was an afternon that I will remember for a very long time.
Even offline, I am attracted to someone who tells me stories, someone not necessarily good-looking but someone I can sense to be at least a “good guy.”
But not all physical attraction is created equal.
Some people are magnetic — they make you feel like their mere presence can lift your mood.
Others make you feel something more viscerally and don’t need much to make them memorable.
Both of these qualities make them natural dating partners. But, don’t you quite know what that means?
Someone magnetic will make a connection with you, and while it’s possible to connect with people that aren’t magnetic, you are far less likely to feel the same way about them in the future.
Also, many people can change their physical appearance to attract people to them, but some people have the opposite problem — they can’t stop attracting people.
With magnetism, someone can be charming and endearing to people from the first moment they meet you, maybe even right off the bat. But if they’re not magnetic and alien to you, it may be a matter of one thing and one thing only: money.
The most charismatic people with this type of magnetism have well-placed pockets that can carry them far, economically speaking.
They can handle small talk, asking people questions that are sensitive to their lives, but they’re not going to spend their entire day with you, and that’s where their magnetism ends.
2. Love at first sight
Love, at first sight, is real.
Abstract
Love at first sight (LAFS) is a commonly known phenomenon, but has barely been investigated scientifically. Major psychological theories of love predict that LAFS is marked by high passion. However, it could also be a memory confabulation construed by couples to enhance their relationship. We investigated LAFS empirically by assessing feelings of love at the moment participants met potential partners for the first time. Data were collected from an online study, a laboratory study, and three dating events. Experiences of LAFS were marked neither by high passion, nor by intimacy, nor by commitment. Physical attraction was highly predictive of reporting LAFS. We therefore suggest that LAFS is not a distinct form of love, but rather a strong initial attraction that some label as LAFS, either in the moment of first sight or retrospectively. — Excerpt, What kind of love is love at first sight? An empirical investigation.
In the study, researchers found that love, at first sight, is real and even has a scientific explanation.
Sign #1: You connect on a deeper, emotional level. In addition to being attracted to the same gender, people are also more attracted to people who connect on an emotional, rather than a logical, level.
This emotional connection seems to be an innate aspect of all humans, as shown by research from Harvard Medical School.
“Human emotions have deep evolutionary roots, a fact that may explain their complexity and provide tools for clinical practice”― Robert Plutchik,.The Nature of Emotions (2001)
While both men and women love emotional connection, men are more attracted to emotionally expressive women.
When one feels vulnerable, they’re more receptive to feeling attractive and forming true love.
Women, of course, get all hot and heavy and are subject to the emotional delights of passion.
But the emotional connection is necessary to form true love.
Love, at first sight, doesn’t always have to occur in the presence of the other person, either.
Researchers have also found that when people see how attractive their significant other is without them actually being together, they fall hard for them.
And while I am talking to my gay friend about my own love experiences, I know it works the same with straight couples and I have asked my straight friends, and one thing I know for sure, Love is the same, for straight and gay people. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, and yet, after the intimacy came a few minutes of conversation. Like there was a need on my part to know him better.
3. A feeling of comfort in each other’s presence
In a relationship, it’s important that both partners feel a certain level of comfort in each other’s presence.
It’s important that you feel that each other are “safe” and that you can say whatever you want without worrying about offending the other person.
When these are balanced, it allows both partners to bloom and shows how much love they have for each other.
People need time away from the relationship — or at least they do when things aren’t going well.
The point of being together isn’t to get everything done in a day but to see where your relationship could take you and where you could take it.
So if things aren’t going your way, don’t push your partner to do all the work. Instead, pace yourself so that you can enjoy each other’s company without feeling obligated.
If the other person is making significant life decisions, such as whether to start a family, finding a job, or traveling, it may be important for them to know what your relationship is like at the moment.
It’s wise to encourage them to make decisions together and to talk about what will be important to them in the future.
One of the realities of life is that temporary happy moments will fade away, so it’s important to keep all aspects of your relationship open.
Anyone can fall in love with anyone, but it’s usually not easy.
If you think your partner will make it easy, you’ll make things easier on yourself.
Adjust your expectations by being realistic about what love really means. If you’re willing to put in the work and set yourself up for success, you’ll begin to really find your “Happily Ever After.”
It was funny at first when he said it, a much younger man telling me to relax as he would teach me, an older man how to kiss, it was the sweetest thing I heard in a very long while. The kiss was totally unexpected, and true enough he was a great kisser.
4. Similar interests and values
If you want to build a strong relationship with someone, start with things you have in common.
If you and your partner have similar interests and values, you’ll be able to talk about many things and have a lot of fun together.
Want to know what other qualities will also get you closer to falling in love?
An in-person date and commitment to each other will help you grow from your struggles. Both in relationships and life, you can find people who have insanely high aspirations.
When you match this trait with a partner who has it, the sky is the limit. No matter how set your goals are, love and ambition can motivate and inspire you to accomplish hard things.
The two of you will share a common purpose to accomplish big things together, and you’ll accomplish a lot together.
When flirting, our goal isn’t to make the other person laugh but to establish a connection, and when in love, our goal isn’t to love but to make the other person happy.
Both in relationships and life, opposites don't necessarily attract. Instead, it is usually the ones you have similarities with who you will fall in love with.
When he said, he was a painter I gravitated towards him even further. My love for the arts, for photography and writing makes me that anyone who of the same interest is a natural fit for me.
5. A sense of mutual support and respect
I think it’s important for people to understand that being nice is not a zero-sum game. If you’re nice to me, it doesn’t mean that I’m less nice to you, and vice versa.
Plenty of people have been bullied, shamed, and mistreated in their relationships.
Still, being nice doesn’t make you immune to having a profound emotional connection with your partner.
When it was over, he stayed and we talked, I find it very respectful that there is something more than the intimacy. A man who walks out as soon shows a lot about the character of the person.
Extra signs that you might be in love.
You’re always prepared for your partner. When you’re passionate about something, whether it’s in your career, your hobbies, or your personal goals, you’re incredibly motivated and ready to work hard to get really good at it. After a while, you’ll develop your own signature moves that are unique to you — such as ballet, martial arts, or any other type of physical activity that you’re really passionate about.
That’s the superpower of being in love.
You don’t take time from each other. But, unfortunately, some people seem to multitask and jump between many things at once.
Love can get busy, and living your life in two distinct time periods can cause you to lose track of each other and miss important dates. If you can say “I’m in love” after being in a serious relationship for several years, you’re probably in a fantastic place.
Nobody can be perfect all the time.
Someone who is loving and patient can’t be expected to always say “yes” without questions. You and your partner are not either/or options.
You are something complex, and a big part of you wants to look at the bright side. It’s beautiful when two people can find that rare joy in each other.
It turns out the guy has a partner already, he was honest, and I appreciate that about him. Only time can tell if we will ever meet again. Chances are, we won’t.
But even for a brief moment, in that one lazy afternoon, my Grindr date or hookup was more than that. I fell in love with the guy in front of me.
