Summary

The article reflects on the complexities of love, the pain of relationship endings, and the importance of self-awareness in understanding one's own feelings, emphasizing that true love involves acceptance, personal growth, and the ability to move on.

Abstract

The author delves into the introspective journey of understanding love, prompted by personal experiences following the death of their mother and interactions with ex-partners. They ponder whether their past relationships were genuine love or an idealized version of it. The essay describes love as a profound acceptance of oneself by another person, accompanied by a desire to improve and an expectation of lasting happiness. However, it acknowledges the inherent pain when relationships end, detailing the emotional turmoil and the difficulty of parting ways despite shared experiences that once brought joy. The author lists the negative impacts of a broken relationship, emphasizing the necessity of good communication to prevent the decline of a partnership. Drawing from psychological insights, including those from Robert Waldinger, the article suggests that couples often struggle with communication, leading to frustration and potentially divorce. Ultimately, the piece encourages embracing love without fear, finding motivation in one's passion, and waiting for the right person, while also cautioning against the pitfalls of unchecked emotions in relationships.

Opinions

The author believes that love is not just about shared interests or age proximity but about deep mutual acceptance.
There is an opinion that the end of a relationship is often accompanied by a multitude of negative emotions, including pain, disappointment, and sorrow.
The article suggests that people sometimes create an idealized narrative of love that doesn't align with reality, leading to suffering.
It is conveyed that effective communication is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship and that its absence can lead to the relationship's demise.
The author posits that being in love means never feeling alone and that one should be aware of the signs indicating true love, such as not feeling the need to be with the person all the time.
The piece reflects on the idea that working in a field one is passionate about can lead to a fulfilling career, akin to never working a day in one's life.
There is a sentiment that it's important to wait for the right person and to not rush into relationships, as well as the importance of managing emotions to maintain a balanced relationship.
The author implies that holding hands and physical closeness do not necessarily reveal one's true feelings and that romantic excitement should not overshadow the practical aspects of a relationship.
The article concludes with a reflective note on the significance of embracing love, suggesting that the most profound love is often for the people who are no longer present in one's life.

How to Know If You're in Love

Now, I’m having doubts if I ever did fall in love or simply loved the idea that I know what falling in love means.

After my MOM died, I started talking to my exes. I was having trouble reconnecting with someone I met during my time as a cruise photographer onboard one of the biggest cruise lines in the world.

We had many things in common, photography was one thing, and we are of the same age. He was just a year older.

As I look back, there are days when I ask myself, did I really fall in love, or I completely imagined what love is? So I created an imaginary love story and suffered.

I made up in my mind what was meant to be a casual encounter into a love story, my love story?

Falling in love with someone is a special feeling.

It’s the feeling of another person accepting all of you, warts and all, the good and the bad.

It’s the feeling of wanting to be a better person and always try to do what is right.

It knows it will be awesome.

It has eternal happiness.

When a relationship ends, it hurts.

There is pain.

Disappointment.

Detachment.

There is sorrow.

And it happens to everybody.

We are all imperfect in some ways. It’s also a choice. This is why it is hard to understand how people can never get it right with their partners and why falling in love with these “reliable companions” never satisfies.

Rarely do relationships that fall apart ever have a glorious ending.

This is fascinating because sometimes it is the things we do together as a couple that gives us the happiness we crave.

Below I’ve compiled the things having a permanently and irrevocably broken relationship does to me. It’s harsh to put them all in one place, but the passage of time and reflection has helped me realize it’s my list.

Perhaps, if some of you’re someone prone to ending relationships, you’ll recognize a few things I’ve listed as common among broken relationships.

I don’t remember a specific event that created the end of my relationship. There were many.

Some of the more brutal ones include physical violence, accusations of infidelity, unfair custody disagreements, and the intentional ending of a relationship not for any other reason than to hurt the other person emotionally and perhaps even physically.

I’m not attempting to glorify the end of a relationship.

I know the pain and the loss can come across that way. I don’t intend to say being in a relationship means being with someone forever.

So please don’t read this to the person enduring the heartbreak instead, but for those who choose to end those life-altering relationships, they bring to an end with it.

On the upside, falling in love with someone means you’ll never be alone again.

Be aware of the signs so you can tell if you’re in love. To get over someone, you need to know:

a. You feel like you’re choosing to stay away from them.

b. You feel like you don’t need them anymore.

c. You don’t feel an intense connection with them anymore.

d.You start to worry about what will happen if you don’t appear to be spending time with them.

Hopefully, your answer to any of the questions above is a — without hesitation — a resounding — yes!

If it’s the first time you’ve answered “No,” to the question “Do you still love him?” or “What’s the matter? You don’t like him?” you definitely don’t like him.

The same applies to “do you still want to be with him?” If your answer is a resounding — overly yes — you don’t want him in your life.

Unfortunately, despite the difficulties it can bring to a relationship, exit issues are more common when two people do not like each other the way they were initially but with less happiness and well-being.

According to Robert Waldinger, an emeritus professor of psychology at Harvard University and the author of many books, couples often fall into two categories: the “eccentric” couple who decides to remain together because they can’t help it, and the couples who, either because of their unique personalities or circumstances, find it very difficult to break up on their own.

Waldinger adds that because such couples are not learning how to communicate effectively, they may end up feeling more frustrated, confused, and upset than when they started.

Whether you’re suffering from the rejected type, the foolishly stubborn, or a little bit of both, divorce may be in your future if you don’t learn how to improve your communication skills.

Bill Gates’s Marriage Ends up in Divorce Just like the Blue Screen of Death

But we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives. — Melinda Gates & Bill Gates

medium.com

Because of this, it’s crucial for both parties concerned to develop good communication skills before jumping into the big leagues of divorce.

You shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love.

There’s a quote that says,

“If you love what you do you will never work a day in your life.”

That’s such a true statement because if you love what you do, you will be motivated to continue to learn and grow in your craft.

In college, I had no idea what I wanted to do.

Even when I graduated, I worked my 9–5 job to while away the hours I still had until it was time to go back into school.

Sprinkling books on my desk with fun projects I could build on and feeling excited to start each day gave me a break from worrying about what I was going to do with my life.

However, when I started my consulting work for small businesses, I wound up having to work overtime and on nights and weekends.

It had a huge impact on my mental health, not to mention just being away from home all day and not having much time with my family.

The specifics alter, but you get the point. The more we think about our work, the less time we have for our own lives.

After 10 years of working for small businesses, there’s a big difference in what motivates me to pick up my pen and paper and open my workbook. I’m motivated by the work itself, and I hit my goals because I put effort into it. Period.

You need to wait for the right person.

If you think that you’re falling in love with someone, don’t be afraid to let yourself go and enjoy the feeling.

It’s okay to take a step back and think about how you feel.

If you feel like you’re falling in love with someone, there’s no harm in letting yourself go and enjoy the feeling. If you’re worried that holding hands will give your true feelings, well, that’s not going to happen.

As far as science has shown, holding hands is good for our hearts and can even help speed our lives. Just don’t get mired in the excitement and nerves of romance!?

A relationship can’t work if either one or both partners cannot keep their emotions in check.

This includes both romantic and platonic relationships.? One of the most common mistakes people make is thinking they’ll perform better at work if they get physically closer to their manager(s).?

when idly weeping, the tears fall faster than music — Anonymous

And it’s true! People who are truly sad or grieving often turn to music or other means to soothe their pain.? The notion that our body functions best when we’re in a constant state of flow is called the “flow state.”

When you’re in a flow state, no thoughts float by, and you don’t get sticky.

Looking back at all my loves, who I miss the most is the one that never was. The boy who will never be, the one who I met when I was young, the one I knew I loved the most.

The one who will forever be in my heart.