How to Help Your Kids Focus Better for Successful Distance Learning

With tips for different ages and how to approach teachers

How’s the distance learning going at your house? Maybe too much distance but not nearly enough learning? I hear you.

You’re not alone. Schooling from home for most young people is challenging. There are plenty of temptations to do other — usually more enjoyable — things. For little ones, it’s playing with toys. For children who love to be outside, it may be romps with the family dog or a swing set that’s the attraction. For teens, sleeping waaaay in or raiding the fridge — slowly and often — is a real draw. Not to mention Netflix, TikTok or YouTube is just a click away, too.

Plus, there are background sounds — like barking dogs, ringing phones, or conference calling parents working from home. How to cope with it all?

Problem with distance learning

It comes as no surprise that, by far, a major downside of remote learning (according to kids, teachers and probably parents, too) is fielding distractions. All the other stuff going on around them makes staying on task and focused just plain hard for kids. No wonder. Staring at a screen for long periods is not intellectually engaging especially when the topic is, shall we say, non-entertaining.

While it’s true that in-person school is also laden with distractions — like announcements, assemblies, fire drills, active shooter drills, bathroom breaks, stopping lessons to correct misbehaving students, and, for some, mask-wearing and physical distancing reminders, etc. — at least when they’re there kids get to see each other live and in person. At home, it’s all two-dimensional on a screen.

So you, as a stay-at-home teacher — I mean, parent — have to navigate the new educational style and assist your children in making it run smoothly. Then, enforce compliance at home. You’re learning as you go just like your kiddos are.

Here’s a tip that I hope will offer you a bit of relief: Forget the bribes. They don’t work after a while. Plus, they’re harmful because they convey the idea that schoolwork deserves a reward. Kids will come to expect it daily — or after every class — and eventually will up the ante on what’s acceptable as a reward. Hello? Who’s running this ship? School is their responsibility. It’s their job.

Fortunately, you have better options than bribes.

Success at overcoming distractions, however, is not a one-size-fits-all deal. In fact, becoming a whiz at the distance learning routine is highly dependent on age. Different strokes for different folks, so to speak.

So, below I offer suggestions to lighten the load of virtual learning, wearing heavily on parents and most children of all ages — and it’s still only September! — presented by age group.

General strategy: Eliminate distractions using techniques that boost focus and attention that I describe here.

Giving your kids a break: Like what?

I believe that during a global pandemic, given the social, economic, and political turmoil the United States is currently embroiled in, with ramifications worldwide, all parents, myself included, need to give your kids a break. This doesn’t mean allowing them unlimited and unsupervised screen time. Nor does it imply permission to let academic achievement fall to the wayside.

What “giving kids a break” involves is, at minimum:

Setting them up for success with a workspace that enables privacy and quiet. Your child directs its design, look, and feel, of course. Give them total control on making it their own special place to work. Note: This place is NOT their bedroom, which should be a sanctuary for rest and relaxation — not work.
Based on your child’s feedback, relaying to their teachers that the workload is too much, too boring, too easy, etc., and asking for alternatives that will engage, stimulate curiosity, and promote creativity. Feel free to make suggestions when talking with teachers! My article on modified distance learning provides lots of pointers on how to collaborate with your child’s teachers.
Meeting their need to “be social” by arranging pandemic pod group meetings, at least for special projects. Search out other parents who are interested. The meetings could be informal or not. With a signed agreement or just impromptu. Outside is safest. Next best is inside with windows open and masks on. I discuss pandemic pods in my previous article titled Learning Pod Etiquette During the Covid-19 Pandemic: 7 Key Points.
For your athletic child, offering transportation to a local park or outdoor field to meet up with friends or team members for practice or scrimmage. My son, a varsity lacrosse player in 12th grade, craves these get-togethers. They’re really keeping his spirits up during his senior year. This is a time of much yearning for what might have been while also mourning the loss of his final year in high school. Make your teen smile and suggest doing the same. It works!

Question of the Day

As a parent, you probably can relate to the sentiment that getting off to a good start at the beginning of the day sets the tone for the entire time they’re awake (and influences how easily you can coax them into bed at night). In my home, for instance, if I didn’t sleep well, I’m often grumpy. Stay away! My moodiness is instantly transferable to everyone I meet. Know the feeling?

To avoid this scenario, I do everything possible to sleep well and sleep enough. In a previous article titled Why Structure in a Kid’s Life Is Overrated (Except for One Thing), I discuss ways to make sound, healthy sleep a reality for everyone in your family.

Here’s something else that works wonders for guaranteeing great days ahead: No matter your kids’ ages, start each day off with this question, either upon waking them up from their beds or at the breakfast table:

What kind of day do you want to have today?

This question serves three distinct purposes for your children:

It places the onus of their own happiness squarely on them. The important lesson here is about agency. It brings the question of how their day will turn out to pivot entirely on what they will do and say. It’s not about external circumstances bringing them to a happy state or not. Rather, their happiness is an attitude and it is internally-generated. This is a lesson for life, taught early and often.
It assists children in learning the concept that actions have consequences. If things go smoothly, the quicker they’ll finish the day’s school-related activities. Then they’ll have “free time.” After chores, they’ll be able to play or do things they enjoy (with parental approval, of course).
It aids in understanding the notion of responsible choice. Especially now with Covid-19 making you feel like nothing is under your control, including your own self-control, kids realize that they have responsibilities just like parents do. Completing them doesn’t warrant them getting a reward, but does call for an acknowledgement that self-care is important for everyone, no matter the age. (Note: Responsible choice doesn’t mean there can’t be “fun” elements to doing all your work. More on this below.)

Hopefully, you child will respond to your question with “A great day!” or something similar. When you hear that, give loads of high fives and cheers. Reaffirm this goal for yourself as well in front of your kids.

If you get nothing but sad eyes and frowns, or children who won’t get up out of bed, hugs and sympathetic words are in order. Gently nudge the problem out of your child. It may be too difficult to deal with the computer so long or too boring to listen, seemingly non-stop, to teachers they’ve never met.

In either case, here are some ways to make distance learning go smoothly in your home.

PreK-Grade 5: Ideas to boost attention during online classes

First an announcement: To all the school systems out there scheduling hours and hours of Zoom or Google Classroom sessions for young children day in and day out, I have only one thing to say:

Stop this madness!

It’s totally unrealistic to expect little ones to sit still for long. Humans are meant to move! Especially exuberant young children.

So let them…within reason and following what child experts advocate.

As a general guide, here’s what’s reasonable to expect for sitting still in front of a computer screen listening to a teacher — and grasping the lesson — at one sitting:

PreK/K: 15 minutes

Grades 1–2: 30 minutes

Grades 3–5: 45 minutes

Note: A child with special learning needs may have different tolerances. Discuss expectations with your healthcare provider. Conversations with a special needs educator are appropriate, too.

A maximum of 4–5 of these short “learning blocks” is plenty for one day. This includes computer-based homework, too. For that matter, Should homework even be given during distance learning? If your child feels maxed out on the computer, seems irritable, washed out, burnt out or overloaded, bring it up with your child’s teacher or principal. Request non-screen, alternative assignments.

Any more than 4–5 blocks of instruction in a day being offered, it’s time to complain to your child’s principal. Issue: computer time overload.

The optimal way to monitor your child’s reaction and response to online learning is keeping them close to you, set up next to your desk or workstation. I describe ways to create quiet under the current circumstances when you’re also working from home during a pandemic in my previous article titled 10 Tips to Create Quiet While Working from Home with Distance Learning Kids.

After each screen session, take a break. This is like a short brain rest. It allows for mental recharge for the tasks ahead. Research shows that short brain breaks, especially those involving movement, lower stress and frustration. Upon returning to the next mental task, your child will demonstrate renewed productivity and attention. Win-win!

You definitely want to get in the groove of taking breaks before a work overload occurs. Before your child becomes too tired, too frustrated, or too distracted. Fuses will get even shorter if you wait too long and could explode into a full-blown meltdown.

The time limits I gave above are just estimates. You’ll know when to transition to a break. How to know? Look for:

Wandering eyes
Getting on and off the chair
Rocking on the chair
Leaning back on the chair
Lying down on the table, floor, or bed
Looking at the window
Foot stomping
Finger tapping
Going to the bathroom too often
Petting the dog
Retrieving a pencil from the floor
Sharpening a pencil
Talking to siblings
Clicking off to other websites

Here are some ways to take breaks with 4–10 years olds. Of course, every child is unique and may have special needs or preferences. So, not every suggestion will work for every child. Try it and see. Ultimately, however, you know what works for your child. Go with that.

It’s also a good idea to have an informal family chat now and then — maybe weekly or daily during your regular check-ins with the kiddos, at bedtime, during family meals, or on the weekend — to find out what types of “fun” activities your littles like to do. You know their favorites may change from time to time. That’s okay. Expect it. Go with the flow.

General rules for breaks:

1. Get as far away from the computer as possible. At the very least, go to another room.

2. Go outside. Take a short walk or play in your yard.

These breaks should take 15–20 minutes each, intended to work in between screen sessions. Suggestions:

Stretching exercises. Yoga poses like dog, cat, bug, or cow were always my kids’ favorites when they were 4 or 5 years old.
Animal walks (lumbering like a bear, hopping like a frog, or flying like a bird), will add some imaginative dynamism to your day! Also popular with little ones.
If it’s fall, jumping in piles of leaves will turn cheeks red and boost spirits.
In winter, making snow angels will be exhilarating.
A crunchy snack — like carrot sticks or nuts — will get other muscle groups working.
Creating play dough figurines will do so, too.
Singing along to a favorite song while dancing to it is a great standby.
For an overly tired child, or a very active one, slow down by closing your eyes for a few minutes. This will help ease the transition back into distance learning.

I know that your child’s school may not follow this same daily rhythm of work and breaks. Do not feel like you have to push your child through it just “to keep up.” Doing so will only make your child hate school and learning. It will also create tension and bad feelings between you and your child. Above all, you need to preserve you child’s mental health and your own sanity. Keeping loving feelings flowing in your home is also paramount.

If possible, arrange your child’s breaks so that they permit some real-time learning with school teachers. If your child is weak in one subject, then focus on making it a must-be-present event and tentatively schedule breaks around it. But for subjects that your child is a wiz at, don’t be so insistent that they sit through all of them, in their entirety — every day — because of FOMO (fear of missing out).

They won’t be missing out. With adequate breaks, they’ll be happy and well-adjusted, living in balance with plenty of time to recharge and keep emotions in check. You don’t ever want to jeopardize that for the sake of online school.

Middle and High School: Ideas to enhance focus during virtual classes

Some kids thrive in an online environment. If yours is one of those, more power to you! However, you should still observe your tween or teen for obvious signs of overloading. Alleviate physical symptoms, like eye strain, headaches, or backaches from too much sitting, by taking frequent breaks.

However, trouble maintaining focus is still an issue with most older kids. The temptation to click away for “just a minute” to check sports scores, gaming totals, TikTok videos, etc., is often too great at times, and youth give in to it. The addictive natures of video games and social media are to blame. Set up a mind-preserving haven in your own home against these time-sucking and soul-robbing temptations. Restrictions are warranted. You, as parent, set them.

For the daily grind of school, taking breaks is important for older kids, too. They may have outgrown the yoga dog pose or stalking like a lion, but don’t let it fool you. Children of all ages will ham it up to lighten their load, and we know their burdens are heavy right now. They also crave the attention and love of their parents. All the time, even in the rebellious teen years. So, if you’re around, get in the act if you can (except not in the cold shower)!

After every 1–2 hours of screen time, work into your day with your middle or high schooler something like:

A quick sprint of a workout routine. Push ups, squats, sit ups, etc. Time yourselves to see who’s faster. Set a goal and work to meet it a little more every day.
Chowing down on yesterday’s leftovers after a fast reheat in the microwave. Throw together weird combinations. Just make it fun.
To perk up the brain, an exhilarating cold shower.
If frustrations are running on turbo, try a few minutes of breathing exercises or mindfulness meditation.
Whatever you kids’ favorite sports, throw some hoops, slam a few into the cage, or just bat a couple pitches.

Breaks will help in restoring concentration levels. But ultimately, creating focused kids plugged into their work and able to ignore distractions needs more than just breaks. It requires that your children internalize the drive to do well as learners. Intrinsic motivation is what will sustain them in the higher grades and beyond.

Fostering intrinsic motivation in tweens and teens

In a world of 30-second news bites, constant social media feeds, 24/7 news, and late-night video gaming, it is difficult to get kids to focus on their academics as a lead in to their future. There are so many distractions to beat.

For parents at the end of their ropes on how to orient their kids to intellectual and/or athletic pursuits that they’ll love, the best advice is to become their partner in the educational and/or athletic quest. For example, together:

Use the internet as a tool to discover what teens and tweens are doing in STEM, the arts, in social causes, etc. Begin with your local area. Maybe there will be some mutual interests that could lead to corroboration with like-minded families. Or, your searching could pique your child’s curiosity about a related topic. Pursue it with them to see where it goes. There are many organizations offering all sorts of opportunities for young people. Contests and competitions in many different subjects abound. Get involved. As a parent, do the background research with your tween or teen. Explain how you’re going about it. You’re teaching them a lifelong skill: how to learn. There will be less time to use the internet for mindless scrolling. For an example, here’s a TED talk of mom Jane Andraka describing how she accomplished this with her public school-attending sons who went on to do amazing things — and still are.

Discuss what they’re studying in their classes with them. Ask them what they think of it, what they like and don’t like about it, what they’d rather be studying and why. Ask what you can do to make it happen for them. Don’t take “nothing” for an answer. Offer suggestions at least. Give plenty of details, demonstrating that you’re thinking it through. That their success is important to you. This can be a casual chat over dinner or in the car on the way to the store. If you keep them engaged in conversation, there will be less time to surf the web, scroll through social media, or play video games.
Work with their teachers in how to present material in a way that’s interesting to kids. One idea is to implement the same strategy that video games use. Rework the material such that it’s a problem to be solved, an obstacle to circumvent, or a mystery to unravel. Start with easier questions or topics then work up to tougher ones. Have the kids do all the work in researching and discovering information needed to solve the conundrum. Set them up in teams, each with a part in the puzzle. Then, come back together to discuss results. This type of educational experience nurtures curiosity and creativity when subjects are presented as puzzles to solve or mysteries to crack. In working this way, youth won’t be staring at a teacher talk in a monolog lecture format. (I’d be bored, too, after a few minutes.) They’d be using the world wide web to find something out (that is, to solve a problem) with the help of fellow classmates, and, possibly, people around the world to assist them. Just like video gaming teams are organized. Now that’s something most kids can wrap their minds around.

How to talk with teachers about your child’s distance learning issues

To make remote learning as painless as possible, be your child’s number one advocate when communicating with teachers. Here are some suggestions for enhancing the learning experiences and opportunities for your child while at home and beyond heavy screen use. Bring them up in discussions to see if they’ll work as substitutes for computer-driven work and assignments.

Take Home Message: Although the computer is a learning tool, there is no reason why it must be the only one. You have many alternatives.

Request paper packets to work through instead of online work. If for nothing else than homework. Make arrangements to pick them up and return them when completed.
If the school owns textbooks, inquire whether you can borrow them for the school year. If not, purchase pre-owned copies online or check them out of a library. Then, request that assignments be based on readings from the books, or the questions/problems in each chapter instead of online readings, questions, or problems.
Suggest that online classes be designed to present new material only at the beginning (example, first 15–30 minutes) with the remaining time for examples, questions, or problem sets. Request that only the beginning of each session be mandatory. This is especially needed for schools streaming long classes non-stop if your child has difficulty watching it all and staying focused.
If there is at least one other parent who’s interested, form a pandemic pod. Take turns directing the lessons rather than relying on the computer. You may need to communicate frequently with the teacher to overcome time lags between your pod activities and what they’re doing online in class. Look for common solutions. Possibly ask to get advanced notifications of what’s coming in the near future so that you can plan ahead with fellow pod members.
As part of the grade, request more project-based learning in groups. Kids can still work online together during group Zoom calls. Teachers could hover in the background and be available to help. Possibly, some in-person sessions, preferably outside or, if inside, by an open window when wearing masks, could happen.

RIP distractions and hello focus

Distance learning for most kids and their parents is a harrowing experience, to put it mildly. Get me outta here! or Why me? sums up the sentiments of most when it comes to virtual school.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Dealing with distractions is one of the major obstacles kids face when plowing through Zoom or Google Classroom sessions. One of the major ways to eliminate distractions is to include many breaks during the day. Depending on the age of your child, you need to incorporate a number of breaks to reset their mental capacity to absorb more information delivered electronically at a rapid pace.

Mixing things up through various types of activities, mostly ones involving movement and going outdoors, will refocus your children and enable them to sit through more online lessons and learn from them — and do so more attentively.

Be proactive and communicate with your child’s teacher about ways you can decrease screen use without compromising the integrity of their academic plan. Finding alternative, non-screen educational activities that your child will enjoy is worth it to eliminate distractions. Preserve your sanity while helping your kids thrive in an online learning environment through the many suggestions I offer here.

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