How To Give Yourself an Erotic Massage

Healing through your hands

Lately, I have found myself thinking about how disconnected we are from our sexuality. It feels as when we settle for some fast food. Yes, it will take hunger away for a while, but it is hardly nourishing.

We rush into sex with an urge to get it done, to perform a task as if checking all of the boxes of how we think it should be. And yet, once it is done, somehow, the craving remains.

It is true sometimes we just need to get off. However, there are moments when we need more — to take it slow and fully savor the ecstasy of the experience.

Enter erotic massages.

Healing through your hands.

Recently I came across some information about genital massages, a method aimed to heal sexual trauma or help a person reconnect with their sexuality due to different issues. It has been typically aimed at women, but I think gender should not matter since we all could benefit from this technique.

However, this involves hiring a professional practitioner or having a partner willing to learn how to provide this nurturing pleasure selflessly. What happens then with those of us who, at the moment, don’t have a companion by our side?

Well, rushing to get someone just to get it done seems unwise, so I started thinking, “What if we gave ourselves this treatment?” After all, if we can self-pleasure, couldn’t we then also self-heal?

It was worth trying.

Why not just call it masturbation?

I have opted to call it an “erotic massage” to make it easier to understand. Yes, it implies you will touch yourself to reach pleasure. However, the goal is not just to get off. In fact, it is likely you will not feel the need to have an orgasm.

In reality, the idea is to remember what it feels like to be in your body, to recognize the sensations going through you. If you get a release, that would be great, but it is important not to make it the main purpose of the exercise. After all, we already lead extremely goal-oriented lives. Don’t you wish you could take a break, at least just for a moment, and allow yourself just to exist in your skin?

How to go about it?

Bear in mind I’m still experimenting here. Also, since the idea is for you to get to know yourself, it makes sense you won’t follow a specific roadmap. Remember, we are trying to remember how to hold the pleasure in our bodies without the burden of fulfilling other people’s expectations.

So, instead of rigid guidelines, what comes next are a few suggestions.

Avoid vibrators.

Since we are not strictly looking for an orgasm, it makes sense not to use a tool whose whole purpose is to get us there. Plus, the additional stimulation could interfere with the body-mind connection we are looking for.

Mindfulness requires paying attention.

We could argue this is a form of meditation, so all of the typical recommendations apply. For example, lock your door, turn the phone off, and tell people not to disturb you for the next 30–60 minutes. The point is not to be interrupted; we need to reach a flow state.

Consider you will need to be naked.

You will require to remove all of your clothes; therefore, make sure the temperature in the room is suitable. Also, unless your living arrangements make this unnecessary, curtains, please! We don’t want nosy neighbors interrupting you. Besides, prepare a surface for you to lay on — it could be on your bed or a mat or blanket on the floor. Just make sure you are comfortable.

Tease yourself.

Don’t go straight for the genitals. First, rub your scalp and neck, feel the skin on your legs, arms and torso. You could even use your favorite kind of massage oil to make it easier; just make sure the aroma is not too overwhelming.

Spend a good amount of minutes there, really noticing the different textures. You might even find some erogenous zones you never knew about and that no lover had taken the time to explore.

Make sure to feel everything.

No matter your gender, once you start touching your penis or vulva, do not rush. Pay attention to how your fingers feel on your genitals, but also acknowledge the way your genitals feel on your fingers. Your intimate area can also project energy and pleasure, not just receive it.

Touch the folds, rough surfaces, and softer sides, find the most sensitive spots and experiment with different pressure levels. Consider yourself an explorer —you are drawing the map of your own pleasure.

Do you really want to orgasm?

After all of this stimulation, you will probably be aroused. However, and this might come as a shock, that will not always be the case. You will be nurtured, indeed, and aware of the pleasure at the core of your being. Still, stop for a moment and ask yourself: Do I really need an orgasm?

Sometimes, you’ll prefer to carry this healing energy with you through the day. However, if you realize you do need a release, go slow about it. Savor the contraction of the muscles, the way your body pulsates, and pure pleasure flows through you.

You can’t “fail” at this.

I believe that, in a way, engaging in this practice by yourself actually brings some advantages since it will give you the chance to truly know your body and how it connects to your sexuality.

After all, don’t you hate it when you wander through life, half here and half somewhere else? Plus, when you carry this inner strength, it shows. It is a dose of much-needed self-love.

Try to do it at least once a week. If it suits you, you could even keep a brief journal about it to keep track of how the sensations evolve. In any case, always remember there isn’t really a wrong way to go about it: this is your body, your skin, and all of these feelings belong to you.

I wish you a successful path to self-healing.