How To Get What You Want
Without making a single sacrifice.
I’m going to give away the secret to having it all right now, rather than wait till halfway through the article — to save you some time so you can move on if you so wish.
The secret is this:
You already have it.
If you think this is a scammy clickbait article, that’s OK. It’s meant to intrigue you. I bet the statement above actually disappoints, actually. Here’s why:
You aren’t happy with your current circumstances despite being told you can be.
I don’t know you, but I can guess you’re into self-improvement and you’ve heard the theory of attracting what you think about. So thus, when you’re thinking in negative terms, you’re getting negative results. The great Earl Nightingale said this exactly. But what has stopped you from listening so far? What’s not made the penny drop?
Let me attempt one more time to convince you that progress starts with you, and that it’s not all that complicated.
You’re Unrealistic About Your Future Happiness
I am not questioning whether what you want is worth the effort, by no means. I am all for always striving for bigger and better. I love the chase.
But I am questioning your logic. Sorry, not sorry.
I would like to remind you that you once longed for what you have already, and I’m guessing you don’t feel all that great now, or else you wouldn’t be reading this. How are you sure that once you get what you want, your feelings will change permanently?
If you aren’t happy about what you have now, how will you be happy when you have what you’re working towards? How will the achievement of your goals and dreams be any different? How much time will pass before you’re grieving for what you don’t have again?
If you aren’t happy with your current circumstances overall, you’ll never be. If you’re convinced otherwise, you’re in for a huge disappointment. I’d like to rip the bandaid off now and be brutally honest so you can move on swiftly and focus on the next steps.
Happiness Is Only Ever Available Now
If you don’t know how to feel happy in the present, you won’t know how to feel happy in the future, because the future will only ever be lived in the present moment.
So the idea you have about living your dreams in the future is not how they will ever turn out unless you really feel the happiness right now. Ya know what I mean?
You have to practice the skill of feeling happy now, with what you have. Feelings need exercise too.
The first step towards changing your current circumstances and feeling happy now is to change how you feel about them.
Your life won’t magically meet your standards and conditions when you don’t appreciate it now, in the same way that your spouse won’t magically do everything for you if you don’t show her your love today.
You don’t wait for your life to change before you reciprocate your love for it.
You’re supposed to love first.
You’re supposed to always love, regardless. You’re supposed to open yourself up and face everything wholeheartedly. When you only give half of yourself to your life and your work, you will only get half back. If you only give yourself to your lover when they have given themselves to you, you’re not committed to them for the right reasons and the relationship won’t last.
A plant needs water and sunlight before its flowers bloom. You love first by meeting its needs. If you give it sunlight but no water, it will die. If you don’t love your life now, your flowers will never bloom.
Stop holding your goals hostage by bribing them with your love later.
How To Change How You Feel Now
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey
You have a million things you think you’re grateful for but roll your eyes when you’re told to make a bigger deal out of them. But the truth is, it really is as simple as genuinely being thankful for the most basic, simple things.
This may disappoint you because you’ve never felt entirely thankful, but rather, entitled, about what you have. And you should feel entitled because you deserve everything you could ever want. You should however receive everything with utter enjoyment or else, what’s the point?
Appreciate that you have what you worked for once now. Appreciate the skills you have learned to get what you want later. Love the food you’re nourishing yourself with to give you the energy to think. Love the water you drink for it keeps your body healthy and able to work.
Love the freedom of your thoughts that allow you to dream in the first place.
Remind yourself that life is supposed to be good now. If you don’t feel that way, only you have the power to change that.
Start by thinking of one good thing in your life. The oxygen you need for instance. Start as small as you like, and watch yourself be mind blown by how grateful you feel and how your morale lifts.
Gratitude isn’t only for the hippie well-spirited. Practising profound gratitude is as necessary and as scientific as water. When you give in to this notion and embrace it, you’ll change your mind. You will be happy with what you have now, and what you want for the future will be much easier to attain.
The Science Behind Gratitude
Berkeley released an article in their Greater Good Magazine that undertook a study of nearly 300 participants of college students who were seeking counselling for mental health reasons. They were put into three groups. One group sought counselling services only. The second group was asked to write about their negative experiences as well as counselling. The third group was asked to write gratitude letters in addition to seeking counselling services.
The results showed that the group who felt better after weeks 4 and 12 was the group of students who wrote gratitude letters. The article confirmed that gratitude is beneficial not just for healthy individuals but those who struggle with mental health issues. It also demonstrated that practising gratitude in addition to receiving counselling is more beneficial than counselling alone.
The article goes on to explain that the regular exercise of gratitude writing has lasting effects on the brain, too. In another experiment, students were given money and asked to donate an amount of their choice. It goes on to explain that those who had done the gratitude writing gave away more of the money and that their brain activity was vastly different to those who gave away money out of guilt or obligation. The result:
“Practicing gratitude may help train the brain to be more sensitive to the experience of gratitude down the line, and this could contribute to improved mental health over time.”
Need more?
The cultivation of gratitude has a positive effect on the body physically.
A 2010 study published in Clinical Psychology Review4 linked gratitude to everything from improved psychological well-being to better physical health. Grateful people tend to sleep better and even live longer. — Verywellmind
Gratitude has shown not only to improve general physical and mental wellbeing but improve relationships too.
More?
Havard Health Publishing released a report that states,
“A study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.”
Similarly, employees who are thanked by their managers have demonstrated a higher sense of motivation to work harder.
Ways To Cultivate Gratitude
“When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.” — Tecumseh
I spoke earlier about writing gratitude letters. I personally started with listing first thing in the morning 5 things I was grateful for. Just before bed, I listed 5 things I was grateful for that had happened that day. I kept my lists simple — being thankful for my two legs, my family, my health, or the fact I had a good interaction with a colleague at work.
Over the course of a few months, I learned to feel grateful as and when things happened. I felt naturally thankful every day for various things that otherwise might have seemed insignificant in the past.
“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” — Robert Brault
After a while, I stepped it up a notch, and I started feeling grateful for what I didn’t yet have. I radiated gratitude for my future pregnancy when I was told I had PCOS, and within months, I actually fell pregnant.
I felt thankful for increasing my confidence in writing before I started writing every day. Now I’m actually earning money doing what I love.
Gratitude has the power to change your circumstances now, and the intense force to make your future dreams happen.
I believe it is thanks to skill that I was able to feel good during the start of the pandemic and remain positive throughout this last year.
Like many people, I haven’t seen my parents in nearly a year. Our lives have been turned upside down since the pandemic. We have suffered grief and loss and worry about the unpredictability of the future. But we have stayed strong and positive. We have focused on the wellness of our families overall. We have focused on giving 110% to our goals despite the obstacles that we have faced. And as a result of that, we are well on our way to achieving our goals as well as enjoying the results that our hard work has given us today.
Final Thoughts
I consistently and continuously turn my day around with the simple practice of gratitude for the smallest of things, whenever negativity strikes. For example, just this morning, I felt immensely grateful and pumped for the day after listening to Will Smith’s Prince Ali in the live adaptation of Aladdin. It literally made my friggin’ day.
You have the power to feel good despite your previous pattern of thinking. Your feelings about your present life can change. Remember you’re supposed to love first, and then life will love you back by improving your sense of wellbeing and then giving you better things.
The practice of gratitude has absolutely no disadvantages, yet it is one of the most powerful ways to increase your sense of fulfilment and make your future bright, in the cheesiest way possible.
Change your life around simply by changing how you look at it by simply being grateful.
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero
Sylvia Emokpae is passionate about self-love and motherhood. See more work like this.
