How to Get Rid of Your Sex Toys After You Die
Unless you believe in ghosts, you realize there’s a problem here. Since you’re dead, you can’t get rid of your sex toys. Or can you?
The problem is that you don’t want your close ones to discover your sex toys and other pornographic materials, but they’re the most likely to find them since they will be the first to learn about your departure.
Imagine if your kids found out about your weird masturbating habits with frozen chicken. That’s not how you want them to remember you.
Hiring a company to get rid of your sex toys after your die wouldn’t work because they will learn about your death too late.
You need to ANTICIPATE.
That’s where The Sex Toy Removal Experts come into play.
We sell pre-paid delivery boxes where you can store handcuffs, dildos, chicken magazines, and other pornographic content you don’t want your children to see.
We design our boxes to be practical because if you don’t use them to store your items, it doesn’t make sense to own them. Unless you die while playing with your toys (and that might not be the worst death), your children won’t find anything but a box.
Different sizes are available depending on your needs.
Our boxes have a warning explaining to curious people that they shouldn’t be open. Since we know many people will open them anyway, we include a fake drawer at the top that contains another warning sign in BIG RED LETTERS: “Warning, graphic content inside, you DO NOT WANT to see this.”
Based on initial surveys, this second warning reduces the opening rate by 73%.
As is often the case, the best solution is to have an open conversation with your children.
Tell them they will find a box they should send without opening it. Reassure them that you pre-paid the sending fees and that the box won’t contain anything valuable because we know how greedy kids can be.
You might want to add that there are things nobody will want to buy secondhand, so there’s no need to hope to sell the content on eBay.
If your children are extra-greedy, we can offer custom-made life insurance contracts, which benefits will become available to the beneficiaries only if we get your box back.
Please note that each box gives you access to a virtual safe to store your favorite pictures and videos. We will delete all content upon reception of your box unless you opt for one of the cheaper contracts we offer in partnership with PornHub (find additional details on our website).
The Sex Toy Removal Experts is currently in the alpha-testing phase. We’re collecting money on ko-fi to confirm the potential market interest. Thank you in advance for your support. And if you’re a private equity investor, we would love to hear from you in the comments!
Everybody at the Sex Toy Removal Experts sincerely thanks Roz Warren, Writing Coach for sharing her fantastic business idea (for FREE!!).
Smillew is a Medium artiste. As such, he shamelessly lies and begs for money on ko-fi.
