How to Find Peace and Power When the World Is Out Of Control

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I feel like I’ve spent my entire life trying to exert control over my life. It’s what we do when we’re raised feeling powerless. We learn to control what we can, and we learn ways to influence the outcomes of elements beyond our control. I always tried too hard and did too much. I became a people-pleaser who was always hyperaware of change and the feelings that portended it.

The last few years have challenged all my ideas about control.

I couldn’t love anyone enough to make them love me back. I couldn’t work hard enough or do enough to be appreciated in the workplace. I had no control over rising grocery prices or falling income. For the first time in my life, I faced all the elements I couldn’t influence and accepted them.

For the first time in my life, I faced all the elements I couldn’t influence and accepted them.

At first, this acceptance nearly overwhelmed my nervous system. I was managing crippling levels of stress and anxiety. I began having panic attacks again — an experience I hadn’t had in years. I stopped going out as often in an effort to avoid them. All the coping skills I learned paled in the face of these overwhelming life circumstances.

I wish I could say what caused the shift toward true, peaceful acceptance. Even I’m not sure. I began to do the thing I do any time my stress becomes too much: I began living my life in small, bite-sized pieces. I took it one moment at a time. My life became intensely intentional. I was present in every moment. I had to be to get to the next.

I was present in every moment. I had to be to get to the next.

It helped to manage my environment.

I couldn’t influence the fact that my income was falling or that my bills were rising. But I could clean my house. I could make sure that the life around me was organized. I started giving myself projects. I turned a storage closet into a bookcase. I cleaned out a coat closet and organized it. I took old doors and shutters and made them into shelving in my walk-in closet. I found old planters and created a frog habitat in my yard.

With so much going wrong, I could at least make sure I wasn’t surrounded by mess and chaos. It seems like a small thing, a normal thing, but I’ve only recently discovered that I have all the symptoms of ADHD. It explains why I’ve had a hard time managing my home environment. I’ve had to learn to adapt and work around the symptoms in order to better manage my responsibilities. My house became more organized every day, and I began feeling some of my stress ease.

With so much going wrong, I could at least make sure I wasn’t surrounded by mess and chaos.

I turned my focus to my personal agency.

Struggle often intensifies my creativity and resourcefulness. What was in my power? What wasn’t? The answers mattered more, perhaps, than they’d ever mattered before.

I began to DoorDash and offer rideshares. It didn’t close the gap in my finances, but it helped me know that I was doing something that was good for the community and helpful for my budget. I applied for more jobs, and I picked up a part-time one that was a wonderful fit for my skill set and interests. I kept looking for writing opportunities, and I didn’t stress about the outcome. I was doing something, and even when I wasn’t getting responses, I knew that I was doing what I could. It had to be enough.

Although I cannot control the weather, gardening is another thing I know I can do. I applied for free wood mulch from ChipDrop and used the truckload of oak chips to landscape my lawn and protect my garden. I began growing seedlings indoors, and I made a plan. I couldn’t control the rising grocery prices, but I could grow my own produce. I could raise chickens for eggs. I could become more self-sufficient in my life.

Gardening has helped me cultivate more patience than I’ve ever had before. I’m focusing on the day-to-day process and not just the results. I started early, and I know that I won’t see a harvest for weeks or even months. That’s okay. I’m cultivating mushrooms, starting vegetable and flower seedlings inside, and babying my dwarf fruit trees I planted last year. I am trusting the process.

My stress level went down. I began to feel better about my life. Hopeful, even. Then, I took another financial hit. I spent a day feeling out of sorts and sorry for myself. I sat with my feelings and didn’t try to distract myself or outrun them. I let it not be okay. I woke up the next day with less stress, even if I was a bit more subdued than normal.

I spent a day feeling out of sorts and sorry for myself. I sat with my feelings and didn’t try to distract myself or outrun them. I let it not be okay.

With so much I can’t control, there’s one thing I can do:

I can choose not to let a financial challenge ruin my day or my week. I can keep doing the next small, right thing. I can keep going — even when I have no idea how I’m going to make my life work.

I can choose not to let a financial challenge ruin my day or my week. I can keep doing the next small, right thing.

I have a certain amount of gratitude and perspective that has accompanied a journey through chronic illness. My symptoms are managed with medication right now, but a year ago, I would not have been able to do most of what I’m doing now. My illness was simply too severe. Just getting through the day and getting my work done was exhausting.

I was living by the bare minimum, not cultivating an ambitious gardening plan. My efforts may seem small until I look back into the recent past and see how much more I can do now than I could then. It reminds me to keep going. Perhaps a year from now, things will have changed in ways I cannot foresee.

We are not in control.

We want to think that we are. We do have power — an incredible amount of it. But we don’t have control over the world around us or the people in our lives. We can’t influence the weather or stop change from coming. We can only face it.

I tried facing these challenging life events with anxiety and debilitating stress levels, but I much prefer facing them with calm acceptance and a reminder of my personal strength and resourcefulness. I might not be in control, but I’m here, I’m present, and I’m trying. And it’s enough because it has to be.

I might not be in control, but I’m here, I’m present, and I’m trying.

Life is hard, and I know so many people struggling right now.

I won’t compare the levels of suffering. They are all valid. We can’t force the world to be peaceful or cancel corporate greed. We can’t control whether we develop an illness or dictate the length of our own lives. But we can do something. We can spend every day doing whatever it is we can to make the world a little better.

We can spend every day doing whatever it is we can to make the world a little better.

Lately, I’m focusing on simple things — spending time with my children, planning for my chickens, playing with my pets, reading good books, and gardening. I’m still working and writing and finding joy in those things. I’m choosing my perspective, and I’m cultivating gratitude for what I have rather than focusing on what I don’t.

Right now, they’re tearing apart my street. There’s been construction for months as two neighborhoods are built nearby. It’s interrupted my mail delivery and made my quiet neighborhood noisy. But I’m not mad about it. It won’t last forever, and I go about my business in the garden regardless of their mess and noise. I concern myself with my own plot of land and don’t bother complaining about theirs when I know that the new neighborhood is also bringing sidewalks and space for a public park.

It’s not just silver linings. I’m making my life about so much more than the stressors. That’s a choice. It’s something I can do in a world that often takes my careful plans and tosses them like a terrible first draft. I keep writing and revising, and when more stress comes my way, I face it and make a plan. I know I’m not in control of much, but I choose to find peace in my power and trust that it’s enough.