How to Design the Life You Deserve
You don’t need to change everything
A couple of years ago, I read a book called Designing Your Life, written by two Lifestyle Design teachers, Dave Evans and Bill Burnett. I really enjoyed the book, though it was nothing more than a subway read and I didn’t take the time to do the practical exercises suggested by the authors.
Last week, I read a post from Shreya Badonia and subscribed to her newsletter on lifestyle design, which I highly recommend. This made me think again about the various ways to design one’s life, and I started doing some research on the topic.
Let’s dive into my findings.
What the hell is lifestyle design?
Lifestyle design is exactly what it sounds like. You are the designer of your own life, your environment, and your reality altogether. Being your life’s designer means that you can start creating the life you want to live. It’s all about time management and incorporating the things you actually want to do into your schedule.
Now, let’s be clear. Lifestyle design is not about turning your whole life around, quitting your job and hitting the road, Kerouac-style. It can be exactly that if you want it, but there are other less dramatic approaches.
This short video summarizes very well the takeaways from Designing Your Life, and highlights the most important principles to follow for a well-designed life:
“There is one calling that I must find and follow”
This. Is. So. Wrong.
I believed this for many, many years — and it almost ruined my life. I think many Gen-Zers have this problem. We believe that we should be deeply passionate about our job, that every day should be total bliss, and that if we’re not happy all the time then we must have taken the wrong path.
One, having a job that you are not passionate about is completely fine. Maybe it pays the bills, your colleagues are nice, and it leaves you enough time to go surfing every evening. This is an example of good lifestyle design.
You might have a job that you are passionate about. It might even be your whole life. But when you come home at night, you deplore the fact that no one is here, waiting for you. No kids, no partner, not even a plant. And this makes you unhappy. This is an example of a bad lifestyle design.
See where I’m going here? You need to debunk the myth of “one life, one calling” before we go further. It might take you years to accept that most people do not have one true calling, but many smaller callings and passions constantly evolving.
Life means change, and how annoying would it be if we did the same thing forever?
So… where do we start?
Lifestyle design is about optimizing your time so you can do more of what you love and less of what you hate. To start, let’s identify the most important things in your life:
Your job
- Which activities put you in a state of flow (aka what can you do for hours without getting bored)? Be specific.
- What part(s) of your job do you dislike the most? Why?
- How much time do you spend doing the things that you hate vs. what you enjoy?
Your hobbies
- Do you have any hobbies? If not, what would you like to try?
- In your opinion, do you get to practice your hobby often enough?
- Do you play regularly? (play = an activity that brings you no reward other than pure enjoyment)
Everything else
Now let’s do this with other areas of your life. Pick any relevant topic: it can be spirituality, family, health, etc. Ask yourself the right questions: do you have enough time to exercise? Do you wish you could meditate in the morning? And so on.
What other activities do you wish you had time to practice? It can be dating, spending time with your partner or your kids, going on weekend trips more often, cuddling with your cat.
Make a list of 10 things you want to include in your life, and sort them from the most important to the least important. Take the top 3, and let’s add them to your life.
Reclaiming your time
Now, let’s look at your answers to the questions asked in the “Job” section. For the sake of this article, I will assume that you are a screenwriter and that your answers look like this:
- Which activities put you in a state of flow (aka what can you do for hours without getting bored)? Be specific.
Creating characters. This is what I’m best at. I love coming up with an arc, mapping out the character’s journey, and finding some juicy, dark secrets for each of them.
2. What part of your job do you dislike the most? Why?
Writing. I know I’m a screenwriter but honestly, it’s awful. It just takes too much time and I feel like I’m not making any progress.
3. How much time do you spend doing the things that you hate vs. what you enjoy?
I’d say probably 50% of my time goes into the story and character development and 50% of my time go into writing the actual screenplay.
Writing is an essential part of a screenwriter’s job. This person has two options: 1) He quit his job, or 2) He turns his schedule around.
Don’t overlook the power of time management.
By using time-blocking, for example, you can ensure that the activities that you don’t enjoy doing are done, but not scattered all over your schedule. If you decide that Mondays and Thursdays are for writing, then the rest of the week should be a delight.
If you hate admin but have to do it every day as part of your job, then why not schedule all of the related tasks in the morning and tackle them as soon as you get to your desk? That way, the afternoon will feel amazing and you will come home happy and recharged.
Exercise 1: Implement processes
Come up with three ideas that could help you design a schedule that allows you to have more time to do the things you want to do.
It can be time-blocking, delegating, or even canceling.
Exercise 2: Clear your schedule
List all of the tasks, events, meetings, etc. that you have planned this week. Consider all of them separately, and ask yourself: “Is this task, meeting, or event mandatory? Does this bring me happiness or a feeling of self-actualization?”
If the answer is no to both of these questions, just cancel the thing.
Exercise 3: Include what you want to do.
Now, think of something you’ve been wanting to do and add it to your calendar — look at the Top 3 we made earlier, or at your hobbies.
Conclusion
Obviously, these principles are easier said than done, and some of us just can’t afford to implement them. That’s okay. Try your best, take time to reflect on your life, and see if you can make some tweaks.
