How to Deal with Boredom in Sobriety

Keep taking the right actions, and your life has no choice but to improve.

There are no two ways about it. When you first get sober, life seems hell of a boring. The good news? This gets better. The bad news? The problem isn’t life.

The problem is you.

As a heavy/binge/chronic drinker you have ransacked the dopamine cupboards so severely that enjoyable pursuits no longer feel pleasurable.

You have become accustomed to getting an immediate hit of joy, whenever you need it. Just unscrew the lid and let that sweet nectar of the gods work its magic. And now that isn’t possible anymore.

So what on earth will you do?

Here are the key methods I’ve discovered for tackling boredom in sobriety.

1. Find a community and give more than you take.

There are various booze-focused support groups out there, i.e. AA or Smart or She Recovers. And for some reason a lot of people (myself, included) are very resistant to using them.

If I’d known what I would find at my first sober dweeb meeting, I would have gone decades ago. Sure, AA and Smart are weird compared to pubs and barbecues. They take more effort than drinking alone at your desk. But once you get used to the format you start to see their value.

They are chock full of highly sensitive, creative, hedonistic people doing everything they can to become grateful, useful and fulfilled without getting high. It is fascinating, inspiring and uplifting to witness and be a part of.

When you live in an alcoholic bubble, you are in an alternate reality that doesn’t actually exist

You will find everything you would want here, as well as some things that you wouldn’t. After all, every group contains at least one or two dickheads. Some groups contain upwards of twelve. That’s just the law of dickheads.

And remember, focus on what you can give, not what you can get.

2. Open your mind.

Sober dweebs from meetings can support you in your quest to stay sober and you can support them back. You can try new things together. The key here is to nurture an open mind.

I had always prided myself on having an open mind, but after I got sober I realized that was total bollocks. Over decades of drinking I had relegated so many people, places and things to my Definitely Bullshit List that there really wasn’t much left on my Alright By Me List.

It was time for a do-over. After all, I had always believed teetotalism was the pinnacle of uncoolness and now here I was a totally abstinent person. I had no choice but to reconsider my beliefs.

Possibly unwelcome newsflash: getting sober is about self-acceptance, not about becoming someone else.

If drinking beer wasn’t cool anymore then maybe Christianity was? (Nope.) And if wine at home was a no go, maybe I would have to finally learn to enjoy cake? (100%.)

Throw out your assumptions and investigate your prejudices. You might find that you have made some strange and illogical judgments over the years. The good news is, that you can reverse them.

Opening your mind is crucial in regards to friendship as well as activities. Attending meetings will teach you the value of all people, no matter how they look (if that’s a lesson you need to learn.) It will teach you that you aren’t the rare and special alien you had feared. And it will make you laugh.

3. Take time to discover what you ACTUALLY like.

Yes, yes, I know you like drinking, but we already covered that. You are addicted. And that shit will kill you. So what’s next?

What do you actually like? Not what do you wish you liked. Or what do you think you should like. But what do you actually like?

At first, I found this question impossible. I was so used to fitting in with other people and trying to be everyone else’s favorite sidekick that I had lost touch with what felt good to me.

I tried climbing, yoga, Druidry, permaculture, allotmenting and — briefly — being a lesbian. And that was just in my first year without a drink. (This is why people recommend that you don’t start dating.)

Newly sober, I imagined I could become anything I wanted. And naturally, as a person whose long-struggled with self-loathing I hoped for something pretty unrecognizable to what had come before (aka me.)

Unfortunately, the active, adventuring wild woman I had hoped to find underneath all those layers of lounging and lager simply didn’t exist. Instead, I found someone quite similar to the drinking me, except angrier and more nervous of crowds.

Possibly unwelcome newsflash: getting sober is about self-acceptance, not about becoming someone else.

Here’s a question that will help you along the way to discovering your true self: What did you love when you were a kid? What made you happy, before you found alcohol?

For me, it was reading and nature. Whenever I am lost in the quest of becoming myself, I return to books and trees.

4. Be patient with yourself and have faith in your decision to change.

If you have used booze to perk yourself up for many years, it’s going to be a while until your body gets used to life without that emotional sucky cup. Naturally, there is going to be a period of adjustment. And I’m talking months here, rather than days.

The truth is, you need to get as far away from your last drink as possible for life to improve. Sometimes, you are simply going to be surviving. Those days you just try and get through the 24 hours sober and call it a win.

But keep taking the right actions, and your life has no choice but to improve.

In the meantime, it’s your job to be patient with yourself and try many new hobbies, just hoping one will stick.

Whenever I am lost in the quest of becoming myself, I return to books and trees.

For a while, these hobbies might not truly interest you, but keep trying. And when all else fails, return to those activities you adored as a kid.

5. Commit to accepting reality as it is.

In AA they talk about ‘accepting life on life’s terms’. It can be excruciating. Especially when you or your loved one becomes seriously ill or you lose all your money. But the fact is, reality is all we have.

When you live in an alcoholic bubble, you are in an alternate reality that doesn’t actually exist.

So try to find beauty in the everyday. Learn to notice and enjoy the small pleasures. Work on loving what is.

If you are sober, chances are you’ve been through a lot. All that drinking didn’t happen in a vacuum. It was in response to something; to many things. The likelihood is alcohol helped you to survive.

And now you are committed to getting healthy enough to learn to thrive without it. Hurray!

So find a community and be kind to yourself and those around you. Get through the days as best as you can. Be open and try new things. Commit to loving what is. And await your transformation.

If you’re struggling to quit drinking, help is available.

If you’re ready to try something different, try my alcohol experiment. Do whatever it takes to stay sober for 30 days: go to your doctor, try Smart or AA or Hip Sobriety or Soberistas.

Read beautiful hangover and email me with details of your journey. Listen to Recovery Elevator and SHAIR podcasts. If you still think you have a shot at drinking, try Moderation Management.

There is a whole community of people just waiting to help you. Reach out. Something better is waiting for you.

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Chelsey Flood is the author of Infinite Sky and Nightwanderers, a lecturer in creative writing and a dedicated truth-seeker. She writes about freedom, addiction, nature and love.