How to Change from Monochrome to Vibrant Color

Paddle your canoe and find comfort after loss

Grief varies its effect with each of us.

Initially, my way of coping was to run away, to escape. My urge was to breathe, to feel free to breathe deeply.

I knew I needed to engage with others and fit into my skin once more.

I fabricated. I entwined fragments of my history with exciting snippets of my recent reality to create a narrative as new to me as anyone I met.

Like a patchwork quilt made from the fabric of family history, I wrote my backstory. I wore it like a mantle, a protective cover for myself, as I mended, transformed.

A chrysalis if you like.

While I traveled, brief information was all I needed to share with those I met.

I had no idea where I was going or what I wanted to achieve. Only months later, when I returned, did I realize my search was about comfort, but I didn’t recognize the goal at the time.

When I visited the high-country wine region with friends, I had no plans. However, I was seeking my future identity without being aware of my search. So focused was I on looking inward, I forgot to see what surrounded me.

On one pivotal occasion, I paddled a canoe (cliché, I know) on a man-made lake, and suddenly my eyes opened to the majesty about me. My world changed from monochrome to vibrant color. I wanted, no I needed to explore the countryside. I felt the breadth of overwhelming emotion.

I gazed up at the spectacle of trees swathed in amber, with mountains in the haze beyond. Studded over the contours of the hills were uniform rows of pegged and pruned plants, with rusted leaves sheltering the fruit of the vines. Like clusters of gold nuggets reflected in the water, I could see the fortune of local produce.

Color infused my days

I stayed long after my friends returned to the city, overcome with a yearning to explore the region. I experienced a feeling of contentment everywhere I wandered. I traveled beyond a small village and up the side roads to hills on the other side.

I stood, overlooking hills and valleys. I remember seeing the broad sweeping views from the mountaintop and experiencing a sensation of contentment, relaxing into a familiar location.

The comfortable feeling of arriving home. The feeling you have after a long trip when the drive home takes less time than traveling to your destination. Because no matter how much you enjoy being away, coming home is comforting.

I felt the dream of this comfort, of home. I didn’t want to leave.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said,

“Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.”

I thought about what was driving this emotion. I felt no sense of escape, only one of having a destination. I’d arrived.

My rebirth felt physical. I was alive with emotions, vitality. I felt myself struggling to escape the shell which had become my reality. I felt my emergence as a separate being.

By connecting with my feelings, I became what I needed to be.

What we want to achieve in life will vary at separate times

When feeling frustrated, we may question why our future is uncertain. Equally, when we’re reflective, we may ask what purpose serves us best. Our life’s purpose is more about the connection we make with others. It’s a chance to deepen our self-awareness and understand what resonates with us.

For me, I felt my purpose in my inner core. I defined it as my destiny.

I felt clear about taking a different path. I imagined a thriving long-term business here. My friends suggested I wait longer to decide, telling me gently not to romanticize becoming a primary producer in the country. They mentioned how this was a lifetime away from my city life, and I may regret it later.

Your life’s work is probably not the same as when you were 20, or even the same as it was a year ago. As our lives continue through stages, it’s only natural for our values to change too.

One constant is the inner voice sending us signals and stirring our emotions, our excitement, our ambitions. Emotions led my decision on the lake, unconsciously using the analogy of directing the canoe.

You can become the canoe on the lake

Imagine your mind as the captain, your body the canoe, the paddle your life’s purpose. Your canoe drifts with a choice of compass points.

As easy as it is to paddle, it can be tricky when your destination is unclear.

I could feel the power in my paddle to steer any direction I wanted. My mind captained the navigation with ease. Always independent, I was single again. No longer part of a couple, it was time to separate my past from my present. Not only did I need to restore myself, I needed to create my future. As Abraham Lincoln said,

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

There are moments in our lives when we question our destiny. We examine the essence of why we’re here. I felt confident about my purpose.

The first step is a decision

Sometimes we’re still because we’re afraid of paddling in the wrong direction. You may have been here before, and your fear remains. So, you sit comfortably in your canoe because there are no waves, no currents, just calm water. And no challenge. You’ll never have to fear failure while your canoe is still.

Challenge yourself. Be accountable for your direction, whichever one you take.

Gain experience, knowledge, inspiration, and redefine your future. Remember, you must navigate somewhere.

The moment you steer, you live your life’s purpose. You meet people who challenge you, question your future. Learn to trust your paddle to manage your course correctly. It will hold you and help your mind to navigate should you drift.

Discard complacency and the long wish list of things you want to do, sometime, eventually. Begin, and you’ll see everything will fall into place. Trust the paddle to guide you and give you a nudge when something no longer works.

As we continue to interact with others and grow physically and mindfully, our plans and projects, yes, even our careers and relationships may change. Decide.

Hold onto your paddle

It’s connected to your future. Now it’s time to take charge of your destiny.

There’s power in deciding, but there’s even greater power in pushing your decisions into action. Your mind as the captain oversees your route. Along with your emotions as your paddle, you may navigate smooth waters today, stormy waters tomorrow.

Afterward, you can take time to reflect

For now, your paddle is your spirit — your present-day reminder. It will often ask you if ideas continue to resonate with you. It’s your inner core; it’s your real emotion. Listen to it. Allow yourself a clear understanding of your future, your purpose.

Our lives are sequences of moments we create, enjoy, and experience with others. Interact with people, appreciate what stirs the paddle within you.

The answers will always be there if you let your emotions guide you.

Our purpose is to be present, but our mission is to connect, to learn how to give.

Listen closely to the paddle that guides your emotional destiny

When you become mindfully aware, you’ll discover the comfort of your inner compass.

You’ll steer your life toward passionate projects. Acquaintances will want to know and connect with you.

If you aren’t taking any action to steer your life now, chances are you’ll live the same routine forever.

Your life is uncertain, but remember, you’re capable of navigating whatever appears on your horizon.