How to Challenge the Construct of Your Limiting Beliefs

This simple but powerful guide has helped me confront and overcome my limitations.

What if you were to discover today that some core beliefs you have always held about yourself were based on false premises?

Until I was in my late twenties, I felt like I was on the low end of the totem pole. Somehow I had missed the mark in nearly every area of my life. I was failing in relationships, I never could get the respect or attention I deserved, I was surrounded by failures of character, and I didn’t seem to have the means to improve my situation.

I was stuck.

That all changed one day when I met someone who was succeeding where I had failed. It was what I needed to see. I had a vision that day of what life could be. I had to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew.

It turned out my whole world was built on premises that were wrong.

Through a lot of work and determination, this false reality came tumbling down, and I found the courage to take control of my life and find the power to become the person I wanted to be.

I’ve since spent over twenty years learning how to identify and deconstruct limiting beliefs within my own life, and I would like to present these lessons to you so you can figure out how you may have developed false beliefs about yourself. I will show you how to overcome what is holding you back.

Be aware that this is a LOT of work. It is simple, but not easy. But I’m not here to tell you that it is easy. I’m here to tell you that it is possible. The pathway is clear, and these are the tools you will need to overcome the challenges you face.

The Construct of Your Limiting Beliefs

The process is illustrated in the following diagram, which I will break down, piece by piece.

If this looks confusing, don’t worry! I’ll go over everything. First, let’s analyze how the problem came to be in the first place.

The Problem

1. Inability

This is the starting point of the problem. As honest as you can be with yourself, turn inward and ask: “Where am I, and how did I get here?”

Perhaps you are stuck in a low-level job with no opportunity for growth. Perhaps you have trouble talking to the opposite sex. Maybe you find yourself on the low end of the social ladder. Whatever the case, if you find that you are unable to accomplish something, it’s probably because you lack a particular set of skills.

Now while some are born with greater natural abilities than others, environment is a far greater factor in building skills.

For example, children who were neglected by their parents often find themselves lacking the social skills possessed by children who come from nourishing environments.

Social environments are also instrumental in skill-building. People who are surrounded by a reference group of mentors, teachers, and successful friends will have an environment conducive to learning and will gain knowledge and experience simply by being within this space.

Those who never had the benefit of a supportive environment will find themselves at an extreme disadvantage.

2. False Construct

Frustrated, a person reaches the false conclusion that there is simply something wrong with them, and the problem cannot be solved.

My father, a person of low ability and confidence would often tell me, “Some people have it, some people don’t, and that’s just the way it is.” He reasoned that there is no need to try to get better because you will never be able to reach a high level of success, therefore it is pointless to try.

Men who are unsuccessful in creating attraction with women may reach the false conclusion that they are being snubbed because they are unattractive or short when the reality is that they haven’t learned how to have a conversation with a woman.

Since they have not found the answer, they believe that success is impossible. This is a false reality that drives the Incel community, for instance.

3. Self Deception

Believing that they are unable to solve the problem, they decide the problem simply isn’t worth solving. And so they rationalize why they are better off not trying.

You may hear someone say things like:

• “I’d rather be happy than rich.”
• “Attractive women only like dudes with money. She’s probably a b***h anyhow.”
• “I should just appreciate the job I have. It’s not so bad, and I wouldn’t want more responsibility.”

When you hear people say these things, understand what is going on.

This is where the problem manifests because a false reality is created around a flawed premise. It prevents a person from facing the problem. But this is the exact opposite of what you should do because facing the problem is the only way to defeat it!

This is inherently challenging since we base what we know off of what we know. Unless we can find a way to break through, we will be stuck in an endless feedback loop.

To find comfort, people may surround themselves with others in a similar predicament and reinforce each other’s flawed belief systems. This creates a codependent relationship.

But this becomes tragic.

You may have read somewhere that if you put a crab in a bucket, it will try to escape. But if you have two crabs in the bucket, you won’t need to put a lid on the bucket because they will keep pulling each other back in.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about here.

Additionally, every time you look to others to perpetuate your self-deception, you put them in a bad position. They either have to tell you the brutal truth (and nobody wants to be in that position), or they decide that it’s just easier to lie to you.

Ever know those people who believe that the best act of friendship is to simply “be nice”? And so they say anything to try to make their friend feel better…

Unless a person can reach self-awareness, they will stay in a world of self-deception. They will continue to believe that the problem is not solvable, and will not take any steps to move forward in their life.

The Turning Point

4. Self Awareness

This is the critical point.

Self-awareness is a matter of becoming fully aware of the problem, and how we fit into it. It is the process by which we begin to question what we’ve always believed to be real. This is the window outside of your reality. It is the place where possibilities exist, independent of the limitations you hold to be real.

This is inherently challenging since we base what we know off of what we know. Unless we can find a way to break through, we will be stuck in an endless feedback loop.

Consider an analogy of spending your entire life inside a room with no windows or doors. How do you get out of the room?

The first step is to realize that there IS an outside.

We begin to reach a point of self-awareness when we recognize that we might be lying to ourselves and that our self-deception doesn’t hold up.

We need to get there any way that we can. Perhaps it will be a moment of inspiration. Perhaps you will see someone else do something you didn’t think could be done. Whatever the case, this is the moment where you begin to question the reality you’ve been living under. Use it to move forward, and start asking some very big questions.

The Solution

5. Honesty with Self

Being truly honest with yourself is a process by which you become in tune with your own thoughts and feelings.

This is where you begin to undo the false reality you’ve created.

You become honest with your needs and wants.

You realize that the people who’ve told you what you want to hear, aren’t telling you the truth and aren’t helping solve the problem.

You must commit to take responsibility. Remember, your power comes from responsibility. When you take responsibility for your life, you hold the power. And when you hold the power, you control your destiny.

If the assumptions you’ve been living under weren’t actually true, how would you live your life?

Dare to dream. Be honest and fair to yourself. What is it that you really want?

Imagine, down to the smallest detail — what your life would look like if you were already there. How would you carry yourself? How would you go about your day? What kinds of conversations would you have with people?

Develop that picture in your mind.

That picture is your destination.

6. Challenge the Construct

Once you are honest with yourself, you can attack the problem directly.

It might help to do an audit on your life, to determine how you came to develop these limiting beliefs in the first place. If you are just now becoming self-aware, it may go very deep. Consider the messaging you received throughout your life.

And deconstruct everything.

Discover why you believe what you believe. Start digging. You will be surprised.

You may find some facades will crumble. You will discover things you never expected to find. It goes a lot deeper than you realized.

Expect to get a lot of resistance. You’ll see people act very differently toward you when you begin questioning things. They’ll become defensive. They may lash out. This means you are probably on to something.

You may discover that you may have been misled by some people close to you— some out of ignorance, some for selfish reasons, and others out of self-preservation.

Those that aren’t ready to face the truth in their lives will act like they are fighting for survival. Know that you may lose some relationships, but this is your journey, not theirs.

With the lies swept aside, you will be left with fantastic news.

The fact is, skills are learnable. If you are unable to do something, you just haven’t learned how to do that thing yet. But you can learn. People can take classes to learn a skill, or hire a coach, or find a mentor to teach you. We have the ability to learn.

And this changes everything.

It is possible. There is a path to get there. Let everything else melt away. The deception, the false reality, all the lies you used to tell yourself — none of that matters anymore. Because you can get what you want.

But it’s going to take work.

7. Taking Responsibility

Now that the future is open, you take ownership. It is on you to figure out how to accomplish what you want and go about making it happen.

It might take some adjustment to look at the new now, no longer constrained by a past that wasn’t even real. What matters is that you have reached this point. Think about that for a second. It’s a huge accomplishment that you got here.

But knowing the path and walking it are two different things. Now you must own your life and take action.

You must commit to taking responsibility. Remember, your power comes from responsibility. When you take responsibility for your life, you hold the power. And when you hold the power, you control your destiny.

Develop a process. Start by changing problems into questions. Go from “I don’t know how to accomplish this” to “how can I accomplish this?” You’ll find the answer often turns out to be “who, not how.”

A good starting point is to find people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish and learn from them. Successful people enjoy teaching others and welcome enthusiastic people. Try to find a way to bring something useful to their lives as well. You have a lot more to offer than you realize.

Spend a lot of time immersed in learning. Gain experience and practice as much as you can. Regularly meet with people who are heading in the same direction. Learn how they think, and adopt their thought processes.

You will find your old unsuccessful patterns slipping away as they are replaced with new ideas and strategies. Your mindset will change, and you’ll find yourself a lot more optimistic as things start to align and you gather more and more victories.

You might not notice much at first, but one day you will look back, see that you have climbed a mountain, and realize that you are exactly where you want to be!

I’d love to hear how you’ll apply these ideas in your own life, so please feel free to discuss them below!