How to Celebrate the Holidays When You Feel Lonely

Here are 16 simple, creative ways to embrace holiday blues and add some personalized festiveness.

If I told the truth, I feel sad and lonely this holiday season. I want to feel excited and connected. I want to pretend I have everything figured out. But holidays feel challenging, and faking emotions doesn’t help.

Spiraling into compulsive behaviors doesn’t help either. I read many stories about people numbing holiday depression with excessive drinking, TV binging, over-working, and over-sleeping in a Reddit thread.

Holiday blues are common, even when times are good.

Holidays emphasize the extremes in your life. When you feel lonely or uncertain, self-judgment and blaming creep in, highlighted by the contrast of others’ seemingly glorious holidays. Am I completely failing at life?

As someone who currently feels the way you do, I first want to empathize and acknowledge that your feelings are real and painful.

You are not alone. Many people feel this way right now.

I’m writing this post for anyone feeling lonely and struggling with holiday blues. Here are some ways to embrace your emotions gently and to see the opportunity in the struggle:

1. Stay Away From Social Media for a While.

“The online world can be a great distraction, but only if you’re engaging in ways that make you feel better, not worse,” — Karen Nimmo*, a clinical psychologist.

Everyone else seems to be having the most magical holiday celebrations. The people around you are not all having a much better time than you. *Karen’s encouraging holiday post inspired this social media suggestion.

2. Give Yourself More Compassion.

I tend towards low self-compassion and high self-judgment. Ignoring pain makes us feel tough. According to Dr. Kristen Neff, people with self-compassion tend to be healthier, happier, and well-adjusted. Treat yourself how you might treat a friend who’s having a hard time.

3. Do Things You Enjoy, Even If You Don’t Feel Like It.

We assume that you need to feel motivated to do something. Taking action often leads to motivation and inspiration.

Start by creating a list of 20 activities you enjoy. Then choose two that you haven’t done in a while and carve out even 15 minutes to do those activities. We often start to feel better once we do these things.

4. Plan a Christmas Movie Night.

You can wine and dine yourself with your favorite movie snacks and a top-rated Christmas movie. Check out the best Christmas movies of all-time list, and let yourself explore whatever calls to you.

5. Get Your Emotions Out, One Way or Another.

“Forced happiness makes us feel more sad, upset and lonely because we are faking our feelings,” said Dr. Judith Orloff, author of “Thriving as an Empath.”

Getting the emotions out helps us to understand and empathize with ourselves more. You can pour more time into your art form of choice, whether that’s writing, drawing, making music, dancing, etc. If you don’t feel artistic, you can always pick up a pencil or add some colors, and make a picture. You can sing songs that resonate out loud. Whatever feels right, get it out.

6. Indulge in Something Authentically Luxurious.

You have successfully made it through another year, and you deserve to treat yourself. Whatever feels luxurious to you, whether that’s taking the afternoon to read your favorite books in the park, getting a fancy latte drink, buying fuzzy socks, or that necklace you’ve been eyeing. Do something that feels indulgent and special.

7. Make or Buy Small Seasonal Decorations.

Grab ornaments, stockings, or twinkle lights to brighten your space. I found some cinnamon-scented pinecones at the grocery store and decorated my fireplace. It’s surprising how this small gesture can brighten your mood.

If you’re feeling crafty, you can make your own Christmas garland on a tiny budget. Courtney Carver, founder of “Be More With Less,” includes this idea in her “31 Days of Gifts” program (starting at $3) that I highly recommend.

8. Give Yourself a Visit to Calming Places.

Treat yourself to some quiet time and maybe a dose of acceptance. Our lives will never be perfect, and that’s okay.

Is there a hilltop near your home that you enjoy or a particular street in your neighborhood? Is there a hiking trail that you love or a body of water nearby?

9. Bake Your Favorite Holiday Treat.

Did your mom always make the best Christmas cookies? Do you wish you had some homemade chocolate pie or kettle corn or sweet potato casserole? What if you baked it yourself?

Being creative almost always makes us feel better. Plus, if you feel up to it, you can share the extras with your neighbors.

10. Notice What is Good With You and Your Life.

Take the time to notice what is going well. Give yourself a few extra minutes of gratitude this morning. When we fully experience gratitude, we can experience joy.

11. Give Yourself the Gift of Movement.

I love taking walks in the mornings as a staple habit. You could switch this out for jogging, biking, or swimming if you like.

Notice your breathing, the images in your environment, or the people around you. Taking at least 20 minutes to do some movement feels nourishing.

12. Find a New (Holiday?) Playlist.

Listening to music reduces stress. Using your music service of choice, find a new playlist, maybe something festive. Maybe go for a walk while you feel the music.

13. Make Christmas Day About Self Care.

Like writer Jacy Tropps, some people choose to spend the holidays* alone, putting their needs first. She has a guilt-free day doing whatever she wants, from watching Harry Potter to making her favorite recipes to volunteering. *Anna Borges at SELF wrote a similarly inspiring article on solo holidays.

14. Give Yourself Lots of Rest.

We need more rest in the winter. Taking naps and sleeping late can help you to be more in tune with your body’s natural cycles.

15. Walk Away When You Don’t Feel up to Celebrate.

You don’t have to pretend to be happy. If you’re not up for something festive, don’t feel bad about walking away. Your needs always come first.

16. Find People Who Feel Similarly.

You are not the only one who feels this way. Even though the Reddit stories were sad, I did feel better knowing that others felt similarly.

Final Thoughts — Lonely holidays do not have to be depressing. It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to celebrate your way.

If you didn’t read something that inspired you, what brings you joy? When was the last time you smiled or felt happy? Find ways to engage your senses and create a list for yourself. Or do what I did, channel the pain into art.

Sending you lots of love and a holiday full of whatever you want it to be!

Thank you for creating a safe space for me to share vulnerable stories! If you’re feeling generous, you can send some kind words or buy me a coffee.