How to Build Resistance Around Your Addiction to Perfection
The illusion holding you back from moving forward.
We often get caught in perfection when we say things like, “I want the perfect job,” “I need a perfect partner,” or “I need a perfect body.” But we never ask ourselves what the word “perfect” means?
The simple explanation to the word perfect means to be “without flaw or defect.” It means you are refusing to accept any standard short of perfection.
When we say we want a life of perfection, we are implying that there is someone out there who is without flaws.
No one ever has a perfect life. But the idea that we ought to be perfect can hold us back from moving forward.
Every day, I struggle with my insecurities. In my quest to have the perfect plan that guarantees a financial freedom life, I get crippled by fear of the unknown. I worry if my path to success is the right one.
I constantly agitate over accepting a new relationship. Do they have what it takes? Do we connect mentally? Will I fit into their lifestyle And so on. So much negativity goes on in my head that diverts my attention from my goal.
The best advice I give myself when my insecurities start piling up blocks in my head is, “relax, you ain’t perfect, and no one is?”
We all have insecurities. The key to stopping your insecurity from taking over your happiness is by embracing the good and not focusing on the bad.
When we strive for perfection, we ignore our flaws and create more misery in our lives. When we focus so much on perfection, we become addicted. And addiction to perfection is an addiction to the result, and our ego ignites the addiction to our result.
Most addiction to perfection is an attachment of our ego. It’s that feeling of being the best in anything. It’s that feeling of saying you are the first to finish a race. Like the mountain Everest climbing disaster of 1996 when eight climbers caught in a blizzard lost their lives.
Experts said the most likely cause of death was an over-focus on goal. If climbing guides had turned climbers around earlier without reaching their goal, such accidents would have been avoided.
We should recognize our flaws and own them and try not to focus on the result when pursuing a goal. This was a powerful lesson for me to let go of perfectionism.
If you or someone you know is still in this struggle, here are some critical steps to help you overcome a perfectionist mentality.
Focus on the practice, not the result
We are always obsessed with the result. We look at people living their flamboyant lifestyle and think, Oh! they have a perfect life as if these people got there without a sweat.
To shift your focus on the result, focus on the practice. Break your goal into actionable tasks. This way, you are more likely to practice and master each task one at a time and enjoy the time and effort you put into your work.
Let’s say your goal is to lose 30 pounds by December 31. You will start by splitting your workout routine into sets and supersets. The more you practice each workout in a set, the easier it gets. As you get comfortable with each set, you will be more confident of increasing your speed and progress to a superset routine.
It took Beyonce 115 days of rehearsal to master her Coachella performance in Homecoming. But looking at Bey perform on stage, you may think she got so good without effort because she’s so talented.
So to break the mentality of perfection, you need to focus on the practice. Focus on the next skill you need to practice.
Don’t get lost in trying to be perfect without first learning what you need to accomplish your goal.
Focus on the progress
I was miserable in my first IT job. My boss kept hammering me on poor performance. I remember I would take out all that anger and frustration on my keyboard. I felt like a loser even though I barely knew anything about the Microsoft spreadsheet.
Whenever I was given a project to prepare, I researched online how to draw charts, graphs, and coloring on PowerPoint. Whenever I needed an answer on how to solve a particular equation, I would ask my friend google.
I was fixated on not disappointing my boss and meeting the deadline that I forgot that learning something new takes time and constant practice.
I tried to learn every aspect of MS office within one month instead of focusing on one application at a time. After a while, I contemplated quitting the job because I was getting frustrated until I saw a one-year online course on Microsoft office.
The more I mastered each software, the more the negative energy around my job improved.
In other words, to get over your addiction to perfection set a goal for yourself and enjoy the process of getting the result. For example, if it’s a new launch, think about the marketing strategy, the influencers, or the skills you need to hire that will effectively enable you to complete your day-to-day objectives.
When you put all your energy into the process, you will be content with how the outcome turns out. Even if you only achieve 80% of your target goal, you will be happy and satisfied because you gave it your best shot.
Give yourself a break
When you focus on the result, remember it’s your ego that is resisting accepting anything short of perfection. It is you putting all that pressure on yourself. So take some time doing something different other than your goal.
An easy way to get your mind of the result is by engaging in some social activity or joining a group trying to achieve the same goal you’re after.
For me, l like to focus on my health. Through mindful exercise, I get to build self-awareness and notice all that is happening around me.
Being in harmony with your mind and body is truly powerful for your mental and physical health.
As you begin to enjoy mindful meditation, you can easily put your schedules on permanent hold. My technique to not lose track of my goal is by writing down how I feel and what I learned and achieved each day.
Even if I do not achieve perfection, I can look back and see all that I’ve achieved by working towards a valuable goal, and evaluating the process.
If you want to get over the idea of being perfect, start by adjusting your behavior and experiment with these steps in your everyday life to see how that impacts your results.
And when you stop being perfect by the standard for everything in life, you feel great and motivated to keep working towards success.
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