How to Be OK With Letting People Down

Accepting our limits

Well…crud.

I just had a brilliant idea for a new story, and was even working out the opening sentence in my head.

Then a friend messaged me to ask a question and — poof — it’s gone.

Annoying.

No matter. Derailing that train of thought just gives me ample opportunity — opportunity to discuss why I am feeling way too stressed out right now. I am curious if anyone can relate.

As I have mentioned before, sometimes I get overwhelmed with how many different people need me at any given moment:

There is so much pressure.

I have been reflecting on that, though. Epiphanies were had! And what I have realized is this: the pressure doesn’t solely come from external sources.

It also comes from myself.

My own thoughts, and my own expectations.

I am so afraid to say “no”, or set any reasonable boundaries, that I allow myself to be twisted into a stress-salted, emotion-filled pretzel.

That needs to change.

I need to become OK with letting people down.

Has anyone out there actually mastered this?

I mean, I get it. To an extent. I don’t have a traditional job outside of the home. Therefore, I have more time to help others, compared to the average person. And I do want to be helpful!

The issue is…I can’t be everything that everyone wants me to be.

I can’t be the perfect wife, cook, housecleaner, Pinterest Mom, and dedicated writer, plus everyone’s unofficial therapist, caregiver, and personal assistant. I just can not handle it — not if I want to hold on to even a slight sliver of my sanity.

Nor should I have to, if we want to be honest.

That’s too much for any one person.

And so, I have to start disappointing people. Saying no to people. Maybe even angering people. But I still have to do it.

You see, none of us can pour from an empty cup. And my cup has been left with about half a drop lately.

I think I’ve earned a refill.

I often wonder what allows people like me to get to this point. Were we born with overactive guilt complexes? Did someone condition us to believe that our own wants and needs are someone less important than anyone else’s? Or have we just taken the “care about others” ideal to an unhealthy extreme?

In any case, we must straighten our path.

So here’s what we’re going to do:

First, we will need to set our own expectations of ourselves. Figure out what we can handle, and how much we can handle.

Then, we must prepare ourselves to set the boundaries. Not all the time — but when we need to.

(We might need to practice this in the mirror. No shame in the rehearsal game.)

Now, if you think like me, you will want a polite way to phrase things — a way to be “nice” while still making our point clear.

Here are some wording ideas I have come up with so far:

“Unfortunately, I am unable to do ______ at this time.” “Sorry, I have another commitment.” “Time is tight.” “I appreciate you thinking of me, but…” “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.” “I am actually trying to take some things off of my plate.”

Any other suggestions?

If you’ve glossed over everything else I have said so far, at least remember this: no matter how hard you try, you honestly can’t please everyone. Someone is eventually going to end up disappointed.

The important thing, though, is to make sure that person isn’t yourself!

Let’s pledge to become better at accepting when it’s necessary to “let people down”. Let’s give ourselves permission to say “goodbye” to feeling overwhelmed, and “hello” to emotional stability.

Most of all, let’s remember that while, yes, everyone else matters…

…we matter too.

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