I Am Overwhelmed With Being Constantly Needed

Being the “default” for everything is tough

Recently, I nearly had a mental breakdown.

Oh, you too?

Well then, please pull up a chair. Let’s commiserate.

Yesterday, I was needed at the hospital. Not for work or anything — but because my mother was a patient. Prior to heading out, I wrote out a list of instructions for my husband. I had made plans for our family and his parents that I could no longer attend, and I wanted to make sure everything went smoothly.

I still got a phone call. He still needed me.

This moment put me over the edge, and it was only twelve o’clock. (A bit of a “mountain out of a molehill” situation, I know.)

However, it got me reflecting on how consistently I am needed, especially in comparison to my husband. And it made me kind of…fed up.

Shall I go on?

I am absolutely the “default” parent in our family. Much of this happened organically — my husband is a shift-worker, and has been for most of our marriage. It’s only natural that our children got used to coming to me first. I guess I thought it would get easier, or at least different, as they got older. As they became more self-sufficient.

It has not.

Plus, it’s not just my husband and kids. My ageing parents live with us, so naturally, I am also the default daughter. My sister leads a crazy schedule, so…default sibling.

Etcetera.

On this particular day, I was having trouble quieting my mind. There were so many errands and chores to be done (most of which were to benefit other people). After running around, plus two visits to the hospital, it was time for me to go to the grocery store.

I hadn’t even been there for ten minutes and I had already fielded a phone call from my father and a text from my daughter.

(Is there a stronger phrase than “mentally exhausted”?)

Then I got home, and the dog immediately let me know that he needed to go out.

(Apparently even the pets wait for me before coming forward with their demands.)

Approximately 0.5 seconds later, my son approached me, needing my help with an online purchase. This was in spite of the fact that my husband was sitting in the same room as him. Again…default parent.

At this point, I was about two steps away from losing it completely. So as politely as I could, I excused myself to my bedroom for some much-needed solitude.

(Ok, so what I actually said was that I was going to eat the next person who tried to talk to me. Semantics).

Which is what brought me here.

I had barely had time to put two brain cells together that day, and I needed an outlet.

Ah. Peace at last.

Now, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I love my family, and am a helper by nature. It’s not that I mind being the “go to” person…most of the time.

But, I am only human. And as a human — sometimes I just need a break! It’s a lot of pressure to have to be “on” 24/7. Often, it feels like I am juggling too many balls, only in this case, dropping one isn’t an option.

I have no doubt that many of you can relate, parent or not.

As I began writing that day, my mind began to clear, and my heart rate slowed. It helped me to remember an important lesson: that despite how many people are counting on me — continually — it’s still important to take some time to myself.

In fact, some may even say it’s…needed.

(Can you relate to this story? Comment below with any coping skills you’ve learned! Let’s help each other.)