How to be Kind in an Unkind World

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

A friend has a quote as her Facebook profile picture that reads as follows:

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

I wanted to write about that topic, but since I like to be reasonably accurate when possible, I tried to track down the source of the quote. It led me down an interesting rabbit hole, to say the least.

The original quote is by Jennifer Dukes Lee and reads as follows:

In a world where you can choose to be anything, choose to be kind.

Lee is an author, motivational speaker, and proud Christian, and boy does she not let you forget that last one. As such, the quote above is a great example of Lee’s worldviews. She believes in the redemptive power of Christ, and refers to herself as a “grace dweller.” In all things, she seeks to find kindness and goodness and does her best to spread love and peace. As she says on her About page:

I believe that every moment is an opportunity to spy grace, to offer love and to find a way to forgive. I believe all those things can happen anywhere: in funeral homes, in subway stations and in the sandbox at the park right after a mean kid throws sand in your toddler’s eye.

I must say, I think we share a lot of philosophies of kindness, grace, and redemption, even if we disagree on the source of those things. I definitely believe in being kind whenever possible and that people deserve the benefit of the doubt the vast majority of the time.

This, however, was one of the later steps on my quest to find the origin of the quote. I had to pass through a couple of others before I got here. The first was an entirely unhelpful selection of merchandise selling the truncated quote “In a world where you can be anything, be kind” attributed to “Unknown.” The next led me to a woman named Caroline Flack.

For Americans, she may not be a household name, but in Britain, she was a popular entertainer. She was a presenter and host of several British shows including The X Factor and Love Island, among others. She also was the winner of the 2014 season of Strictly Come Dancing, the British originator of the American show Dancing with the Stars.

In December of 2019, Flack posted “In a world where you can be anything, be kind” to her Instagram page. A few months later on February 15, Flack died by suicide at the age of 40.

There were a lot of factors leading up to her death. She had been recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had talked for years about her struggles with mental health. The stress of tabloid coverage seemed to weigh heavily on her, particularly around a domestic abuse case against her for assaulting her boyfriend. The day before her death, the Crown Prosecution Service announced that they would be going forward with the case. The terms of her release had prevented her from seeing him, even though they had wanted to spend Christmas together and he did not support the prosecution’s case.

One of the upshots of this was that #bekind trended for a while after her death. People latched onto the quote, sharing it across social media and discussing the general unkindness of the internet and tabloid media. Entertainers and public figures are often scrutinized by both big media outlets and randos on Twitter, and that can take a toll on a person’s mental health.

Thankfully, with the COVID-19 pandemic approaching its second anniversary, mental health has become a bigger talking point among both the public and the media. We are all anxious, stressed, and depressed by the endless lockdowns, numerous deaths, and perpetual political struggle around the whole thing. And, with that massive stewpot boiling over, we are finally starting to talk about it.

So, with all of this stress and discord flying around, how can we take this lesson to heart? How can you be good and optimistic in a world that is so full of division, vitriol, and hate? How do you be kind in an unkind world?

Let’s start with “be kind and good in your daily actions.” Be nice to the retail or fast food worker, even when they mess up. Leave a good review. Tip 30%. Treat people with kindness and decency, and it will likely be returned. Being kind costs you nothing and reaps countless rewards. Being a jerk costs you your humanity, and whatever gains you may make aren’t worth that cost.

Next up is “don’t punch down.” There is a lot of injustice in the world, and I promise you, poor people and immigrants aren’t the ones causing it. Anyone demeaning the weakest and poorest among us is certainly not being very Christlike in their actions. As I recall, he was pretty chill about the poor, immigrants, and the disabled while also not being terribly keen on the rich and powerful.

After that, “choose your words carefully.” You don’t know what someone is going through at any given time, and a misplaced or thoughtless comment may be their breaking point. Everyone has struggles that nobody knows about, and we can’t pretend to know what anyone is going through in a given moment.

And, as a final point and sort-of corollary to the first point, “don’t be a jerk.” Just as you should be kind, you don’t need to take your frustrations out on others. There is no need to yell at service workers, restaurant staff, or anyone for that matter. Again, being a jerk to anyone and everyone has a terrible cost: your humanity.

Generally speaking, we are all worthy and deserving of kindness, love, and redemption. Let’s start acting like it.

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