When Did Common Courtesy Become So Uncommon?

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d anti-vaxxers who are demanding that schools not “trample the freedoms” of their kids. Screaming abuse at school board members and sending death threats until they resign out of fear has become the norm in many places.</p><p id="34f8">Even doctors and nurses aren’t immune. People yell and scream at doctors who won’t prescribe them ivermectin or whatever drug is supposedly curing COVID these days. Pharmacists are being abused <a href="https://slate.com/technology/2021/09/pharmacists-ivermectin-prescriptions.html">for refusing to fill prescriptions</a> for it.</p><p id="1594">Everyone feels entitled to yell at, insult, or otherwise abuse front-line workers for nearly any reason. More and more, I have found that the act of simply being nice to someone — a cashier, a food service worker, my vet — is being met with relief that I showed what I think of as basic common courtesy. It’s really, really frustrating.</p><p id="7777">These are people who deserve kindness, not abuse. They’re putting themselves at risk to ring up your groceries, make your sandwiches, treat your illnesses, and help your pets. These are people who are trying to help you, and they get paid back with abuse. No wonder so many people are resigning. That kind of regular abuse will <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-great-resignation-is-a-mental-health-crisis-2a76396e5591">wreck your mental health</a>, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/id-rather-be-poor-at-home-than-poor-and-stressed-at-work-f046b6266ccb">I wouldn’t put up with it either</a>.</p><p id="03d3">I took a road trip to Indiana with my partner and some friends a few months ago, and we ate at a breakfast place that was packed with customers. When we finished our meal, we stacked our dishes to make it easier on the busser, since everyone at the table had worked service jobs at some point. When said busser came to clear the table as we were finishing, she looked at the stack of plates, seemed to get emotional, and commented “this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”</p><p id="47f8">All four of us were a bit taken aback at this. We were in a college town, and the idea that simply stacking plates for the busser, who was probably a college student, was the best thing to ever happen to her seemed ludicrous. I’m sure people have done better things for her than that, but the magnitude of the comment seemed out of place considering she seemed to be 100% sincere. Surely she’s had nice customers in the past? Surely other people have done similar things to be helpful?</p><p id="4c57">We continue to talk about it months later. We were talking about this with our friend yesterday, and he told us a story about his dogs’ groomers. When he took his dogs in the other day, one of the groomers thanked hi

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m for being nice and tipping, and they started talking. The groomer said that of all the people who come in, most complain about how they handle the dogs, and maybe a third tip. Generally, the groomers deal with customers who treat them like garbage, so getting compliments and a tip is the exception, not the norm.</p><p id="e4c0">I don’t understand it, and I’m not sure I ever will. Basic human decency seems to be not-so-basic anymore, and common courtesy is becoming rare. It’s extremely frustrating.</p><p id="d3c6">Please, tip your servers and service professionals, don’t treat people like garbage just because they work retail, and don’t yell at someone because you didn’t get what you wanted. Just…be kind, please. It’s the absolute least you can do.</p><p id="bfa6">If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see!</p><div id="e69c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/thing-a-day"> <div> <div> <h2>Thing a Day</h2> <div><h3>In which I write one thing each day.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*eDMwsybTKAuurmHy6-tfoA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="0dc5">Here are some other things I’ve written:</p><div id="2fd2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/id-rather-be-poor-at-home-than-poor-and-stressed-at-work-f046b6266ccb"> <div> <div> <h2>I’d Rather Be Poor at Home Than Poor and Stressed At Work</h2> <div><h3>Another take on the Great Resignation.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*i7bcdP1SXEUpf2SZ)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1488" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-great-resignation-is-a-mental-health-crisis-2a76396e5591"> <div> <div> <h2>The Great Resignation is a Mental Health Crisis</h2> <div><h3>And the modern lie of work-life balance.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*XmKpvxfuk_hHuHT3)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Being nice seems to be going out of style.

We were at the vet yesterday to deal with a problem one of our cats was having with her eyes. Thankfully, it was an easy solution — she had fleas, which were probably causing the irritation — so it wasn’t an expensive fix. However, the vet was out of the necessary medication for our cats, since all four needed to be treated, and was very apologetic.

Eventually, they came up with a solution that worked out for everyone. The vet and vet tech were both apologetic about this, but it wasn’t a major worry since we had a solution, so we let them know that it wasn’t a big deal and we were just happy they were able to accommodate us.

This caused both of them to react very strongly, and they thanked us profusely for being so thankful. My partner and I were gobsmacked by this — they bent over backward to give us a solution that worked. Why shouldn’t we be nice about it?

The vet simply shook her head and said something to the effect of “you’d be surprised how many people get upset with us over stuff like this.”

What the heck? Why would anyone get upset with someone who is just trying to help? The vet and assorted techs at our clinic are all fantastic, and they regularly execute miracles to help us and our cats. Why wouldn’t we return that with kindness? Why wouldn’t anyone return that with kindness?

We live in an age where random people feel entitled to abuse service people — particularly foodservice and retail workers, but apparently now customer-facing professionals as well. People are getting caught on camera yelling and throwing fits over some stupid thing or another, often hurling racial slurs or other insults at a poor service worker that caused some perceived slight.

These days, it feels like being polite and courteous to people is no longer common practice. Yelling at cashiers and servers seems to be the up-and-coming trend, and having worked retail even as long ago as I have (I quit my last retail job in 2013), I remember dealing with terrible customers regularly. In 2021, it seems to have reached a fever pitch.

This is all over the place, even places you might not think. School board meetings are being overrun with anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers who are demanding that schools not “trample the freedoms” of their kids. Screaming abuse at school board members and sending death threats until they resign out of fear has become the norm in many places.

Even doctors and nurses aren’t immune. People yell and scream at doctors who won’t prescribe them ivermectin or whatever drug is supposedly curing COVID these days. Pharmacists are being abused for refusing to fill prescriptions for it.

Everyone feels entitled to yell at, insult, or otherwise abuse front-line workers for nearly any reason. More and more, I have found that the act of simply being nice to someone — a cashier, a food service worker, my vet — is being met with relief that I showed what I think of as basic common courtesy. It’s really, really frustrating.

These are people who deserve kindness, not abuse. They’re putting themselves at risk to ring up your groceries, make your sandwiches, treat your illnesses, and help your pets. These are people who are trying to help you, and they get paid back with abuse. No wonder so many people are resigning. That kind of regular abuse will wreck your mental health, and I wouldn’t put up with it either.

I took a road trip to Indiana with my partner and some friends a few months ago, and we ate at a breakfast place that was packed with customers. When we finished our meal, we stacked our dishes to make it easier on the busser, since everyone at the table had worked service jobs at some point. When said busser came to clear the table as we were finishing, she looked at the stack of plates, seemed to get emotional, and commented “this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”

All four of us were a bit taken aback at this. We were in a college town, and the idea that simply stacking plates for the busser, who was probably a college student, was the best thing to ever happen to her seemed ludicrous. I’m sure people have done better things for her than that, but the magnitude of the comment seemed out of place considering she seemed to be 100% sincere. Surely she’s had nice customers in the past? Surely other people have done similar things to be helpful?

We continue to talk about it months later. We were talking about this with our friend yesterday, and he told us a story about his dogs’ groomers. When he took his dogs in the other day, one of the groomers thanked him for being nice and tipping, and they started talking. The groomer said that of all the people who come in, most complain about how they handle the dogs, and maybe a third tip. Generally, the groomers deal with customers who treat them like garbage, so getting compliments and a tip is the exception, not the norm.

I don’t understand it, and I’m not sure I ever will. Basic human decency seems to be not-so-basic anymore, and common courtesy is becoming rare. It’s extremely frustrating.

Please, tip your servers and service professionals, don’t treat people like garbage just because they work retail, and don’t yell at someone because you didn’t get what you wanted. Just…be kind, please. It’s the absolute least you can do.

If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see!

Here are some other things I’ve written: