Five Powerful Strategies To Reclaim Your Authentic Self
Is it possible to be both successful and authentic?
We live amid surfaces, and the true art of life is to skate well on them.—Ralph Waldo Emerson
When we adopt the principles and values of others, we forgo our integrity and become less of who we are. And yet we exist within a culture, singular but submerged in societal standards that drive our actions and thoughts without our conscious awareness.
So, how can we integrate the social aspects of our lives with our individualistic existence?
For the first thirty-two years of my life, I pursued success just as I was told to do from a very young age.
At the age of 15, my parents had given me a black leather briefcase, complete with nickel combination locks and an expandable 5-tier organizer, and a note that said, “Work hard and always do a good job.”
Although I didn’t know it at the time, those words would become cemented in my psyche, until I finally began to question a philosophy that wasn’t my own.
After years of being told what I wanted, I had completely taken up society’s definition of being successful.
My definition of success was focused entirely on earning money in a highly-competitive profession even if I had no passion for what I was doing. I had long forgotten what I really wanted because it didn’t seem attainable.
I was slowly losing my true self and I didn’t even know it.
I spent years working as a journalist, then a communications manager, studying for more certifications, and always looking forward to the next achievement in order to distract myself from the loss of my dreams, passions, and aspirations.
While outwardly, I looked like a success, on the inside I felt like a failure. A failure because I had boxed up my dreams and buried them in the recesses of my mind.
But then things began to shift:
I had my son and took a little bit of time off. We went walking every day. And as I gently carried my child through glistening fields and over shimmering streams, my true self, the part of me that was boxed up, started to come back.
A soft inner voice whispered, “This is your chance to remember why you’re here. Take it.”
It was time to confront those big questions that I’d put off answering for so long: “Who am I really?” and “What am I really about?”
What I Learned Through My Five-Year Journey of Self-Discovery
I spent the next couple of years immersing myself in a whole range of subjects that covered different angles on self-knowledge, in an attempt to answer the question, “Who am I?” I studied Mandarin, philosophy, genetics, psychology, history, coding, writing, and then animal welfare.
For most of my exploration, I was still trying to find answers as if they resided outside of me. But this changed when I began exploring the profound work of Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, and Byron Katie.
The journey quickly morphed into an inner-transformational odyssey that was both deeply personal and healing.
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ―Wayne Dyer
“You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds…Claim and consciously use your power.” ―Louise L. Hay
“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ―Byron Katie
This inner work allowed me to reconnect with my soul’s guidance system and my true self once more. I was able to take a good look at myself, confront my shadow side, heal childhood wounds, and forgive everyone involved, including myself.
As I’ve come home to my true self, I’ve realized a few things about the cost of pursuing success at the expense of ourselves.
When we continually seek the external, we lose self-connection.
When I heard that quiet, murmuring voice inside my head, it was a small glimpse of spiritual awakening. It was a momentary connection to my inner self’s light that seeped through my mind’s dark fog of disconnection.
We all have our own inner light, but we have to choose to listen to it instead of trying to be who we think we’re supposed to be.
When we trust others more than we trust ourselves, we end up giving our personal power and authenticity away.
If we believe that the answers that we seek lay outside of ourselves, we lose sight of what’s true for us individually.
The more importance that we put on other people’s opinions, the less that we trust our own inner knowledge.
It doesn’t matter how many well-meaning opinions we get; we need to find what resonates with us by checking in with our inner authority and going against what we learned growing up, when we were trained to ignore our inner voice and do what we were told.
The pursuit of success is a hunger that can never be satisfied.
When we keep chasing after the next success, we are on a never-ending treadmill of always wanting something else.
As soon as we achieve one thing, we fixate on the next. Every achievement is temporary. We keep wanting bigger, better, and more.
We fall into the comparison trap.
We keep looking over our shoulders to see how we’re tracking against everyone else, and it becomes a tireless pursuit of struggling to stay a step ahead, with no real end in sight.
When we chase after success, we’re really chasing after validation, approval, and a sense of belonging.
We think, “If I can be successful, then I will be accepted.” We mistake our success for proof that we’re worthy of love, when we were worthy regardless.
The pursuit becomes perilous when we buy into the false belief that we will only be successful by producing tangible proof of our worthiness.
I’ve noticed that a lot of high-achievers have bought into this belief. I certainly did, possibly due to the achievement-focused upbringing that I was taught in childhood.
But when this happens, we risk losing our individuality.
When we constantly pursue external validation and approval, we compromise who we really are in exchange for more respect, more money, or more praise from our peers.
We showcase a curated, normalized version of ourselves to the world, and we hide other parts of ourselves that we think might be rejected by others. Even worse, we end up pursuing things that we don’t even really want.
It requires self-connection to recognize what is true for ourselves versus what is conditioned into us. It requires even more courage to step outside of these preset pathways and to live a life that aligns with our truth.
Here are five strategies to reclaim your authentic self:
1. Explore your values.
Values are a part of us.
Values guide our behavior, providing us with a personal code of conduct. They highlight what we stand for, and they represent our unique, individual essence.
Try creating your list of personal values. Narrowing it down into a concise list of personal values can be a daunting task, but you can find lists online with hundreds of possible values to help you get started.
Values aren’t selected; we discover and reveal them through an investigation of the self.
2. Make statements and decisions consciously.
In today’s world, we are constantly making decisions.
But this means that many decisions are made quickly, from moment to moment and without foresight.
So slow down, and make sure each of your decisions supports your values. And don’t let anyone pressure you into making a significant decision before you are ready.
3. Find the courage to be your true self.
It takes courage to live in our truth and be our authentic selves.
For many of us, it’s the fear of disapproval that holds us back from stepping out of those pre-approved categories that we’ve created for ourselves, and fully owning who we are, in all of our unique, luminous glory.
But although being your true self requires tremendous boldness, it’s worth it. Having the courage to fully embrace your true individuality in all of its idiosyncrasy and eccentricities? That’s a success if there ever was one.
4. Release patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you.
Pay attention to your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and when you encounter an internal pattern that doesn’t represent your authentic self, work on letting it go.
Write the emotion, action, or thought on a piece of paper, and then tear it up, crumble it up, or cross it out, using physical action to cement the process in your subconscious.
5. Inquire to discover what you truly believe.
Another physical approach is to write down what you believe about yourself.
Then examine each belief, and think back to when, why, and how you acquired that belief in the first place.
Think about who instilled that belief in you, and why do you feel the need to hold onto it? Does it represent your authentic self?
Being authentic is a daily practice.
It is a moment by moment choice of embracing your truth and being fearless enough to share it with the world.
When you have nothing to hide and can freely be yourself with everyone, you will exude profound peace and confidence.
We can cultivate the capacity to discover what we believe and why, expanding our authenticity from the resources of our own heart.
With great love and gratitude, Aurora
