How to Be a Good House Guest and Host — It’s a Two-Way Street
Horror stories from each perspective — Vidya Sury and Daniella Montage had house guests from hell and my family had a host-from-hell experience
Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles shares a story about some visitors who should not be welcome back anytime soon, even if they’re family. Read her “adventure” here:
Imagining Vidya was not alone, I searched for similar stories on Medium. In doing so, I connected with Daniella Montage. Daniella is clearly a brilliant writer. If you have not yet connected with her, you’ll be hooked by this read:
So, while Vidya and Daniella share their house guests from hell stories, I’ll share one in reverse — a “host” from hell story. You’ll soon see why “host” is a stretch…
On a family trip across the country, we re-routed — upon invitation — to visit friends when don’t often have the opportunity to see. Arrangements were made to stay at their home.
We picked up a gift for each of the children, wine and flowers for the parents, and groceries. We were preparing to do most of the cooking and be as self-sufficient as possible — letting out friends relax after generously opening their homes to us.
However, as we were about to arrive we received a message, “You can’t stay here anymore.”
“Pardon me?” We had just gone out of our way for this visit. At the eleventh hour, we had no place to stay.
Apparently, someone was ill; our hosts didn’t want us to catch “it”.
Fair enough.
Unfortunate circumstance.
“Maybe we could visit tomorrow, at a local, beach — after all you’ve come this way,” they extended.
We found a hotel, during peak season, and $350 a night later — we settled in.
The next day came. We check in to see how everyone was doing and waited for the plans to meet up.
We have strung along for THREE days. The stringing along included comments to the effect of:
“I am so sorry this has happened. You’ve come all this way. We need to be sure to connect. It’s just too bad that someone becomes ill, but they are doing better — we’ll be able to connect tomorrow.”
“Oh, they are doing SO MUCH better! Give us an hour and we’ll meet up. Oh sorry, I got called into work — there was an emergency.”
“We really want to see you. We miss you so much. It’s been too long. you’ve come all this way — you can’t possibly leave without us meeting up.”
Yes, I can see more clearly now how ridiculous we were in trying to be kind and stick out for a visit. More than a $1000 hotel bill later, we did have a visit:
just over an hour at a local beach.
We delayed our trip.
Traveled out of our way.
Spent hundreds of dollars on groceries.
More than a thousand dollars on a hotel bill.
For a one-hour visit — a visit that got cut short because of another excuse.
It turns out it was all game.
Legitimately, this was a sick game someone played.
How long would we stay?
How much money could they make us waste?
Years later, the truth came out — and I wasn’t surprised at all.
Sad, and not surprised.
My heart goes out to their children. This type of treatment of others is no way to live and not an environment to raise children in.
I’m not saying to roll out the red carpet for house guests, but there is more of a two-way etiquette than we experienced.
Rules for Hosts
Communication
It’s really that simple.
Welcome your guests or communicate what to do if you are not able to greet them upon arrival. A simple note to say “Welcome! Looking forward to this time together” goes a long way in making people feel welcome and not an imposition.
Are shoes on or off in the house? Are there particular house rules that would bother you if they are not followed? Let your guests know.
What are your dinner plans? Is there a preferred time to be eating? Communicate the routine or preference, if you have one.
Articulate expectations to avoid frustration or the assumption that your guests are not being courteous later.
While a different scenario than short term guess, in hosting exchange students our family provides them with a welcome card and gift basket of local treats. The welcome card provides contact information, internet access and household rules, i.e. keep shower to 5 minutes, flush only toilet paper down the toilet, turn lights off when not in use, etc. And, the gift basket includes local treats and a small souvenir — depending on the country they are joining our family from, this may be a Christmas ornament or a key chain or a pen and journal.
As for time spent together, communicate expectations. Both parties may not wish to be together all the time, but know if you are offering to host, be present through communication or actions.
Depending on the length of stay of guests and the context of the visit, ensure it is at least one-two day where you are present with your guests.
Perhaps the context of the visit is simply that you are offering your home while the guest(s) are in town for work — spend at least a dinner together. On the other hand, if you are opening your home for a vacation visit, make the experience as such: determine what activities are of interest and whether or not they’d appreciate a tour or wish to explore on their own. In any case, plan for a few outings together.
8 House Guest Etiquette Rules
Be Clear About Who/When People are Coming
Arrival time. Departure time. Children? Pets? Avoid surprises about who and when people are coming and going.
Bring a Small Gift
We host exchange students and it’s incredibly lovely to be on the receiving end of a small token from their home country. Cookies often work well. It doesn’t need to be expensive in any way, it’s a gesture of gratitude.
Conserve Resources
Limit towel and water use. Keep showers quick and reuse linens. Bring your own toiletries.
Always Offer to Help
Can you set the table? Do dishes? Take the dog for a walk? Help cook? Step in to offer assistance however you can.
Offer to Cook at Least One Meal
We always insist on cooking at least one meal when we are house guests and are sure to take care of all groceries, set up/clean up, etc.
Respect Common Spaces and Leave Areas As Clean, or Cleaner, then When You Arrive
Wipe counters down after time in the kitchen, keep lights off when not in use if that is the household mannerism, and re-fold the blanket you may have used on the sofa. These are small gestures that go a long way to show your respect as a guest.
Keep Your Space Tidy
If you are staying in a guest room, a mattress on the floor or the couch, make the bed/fold the blankets and keep your belongings together/contained. At the end of your stay, offer to clear the sheets from the bed or ask how you can help to reset the space to as it was before your arrival.
Say Thank You
A small handwritten note and perhaps a small token from your trip — an ornament of a place you are visited or some cookies from a local bakery. Let your hosts know you appreciate them opening their home to you.
Question for Readers
Is there anything you’d change or add as a host or house guest? Let me know in the comments.
Do you have a story to share about a house guest or host experience? Write a story — and please tag me in it, I’d love to read it!
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